Struggle is good, I want to fly!

Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.

The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.

One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.

The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.

At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!

The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!

As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.

            But neither happened!

 The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.

 It never was able to fly…

 As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.

As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly. 

This story is so important to me at this point in my life. I have had many years of struggles and many demons to cast aside, and I want out of my cocoon and to be able to spread my wings and fly. I have chosen to stay in the safety of my cocoon, for fear of rejection, pain and to not deal with my past. My past is my past and cannot be changed and will forever be a part of me but will no longer stand in the way of becoming who I can be and reaching my dreams. 

I know there are many people who love me and when they see me struggle, they want to help but the best way to help is to support me working out of this cocoon. Don't go get your scissors and try to help me because your good intentions will not make me stronger. 

This last year of my life, I have battled through the abandonment of my father when I was very young, my own poor self-esteem and a 24 year old rape that was buried. I would like to say my battle is complete and I am victorious, but as with every battle there will always be the scars to show, but I will remember what I learned through my battles, I will remember that I did come out of the battle and with much prayer and tears, my past will stay in my past. I will no longer see me as the wounded warrior that will forever have a crutch and I will no longer live as the person that is ready to be wounded again, not like that.

Life will continue to have battles and I will continue to squeeze out of my cocoons, but with the love and support of my family and friends, I will be able to spread my wings and fly!