Yesterday, my day was really not good. It was just one of those days that I felt weak and puny and was just overwhelmed but today was great! It was an amazing day and I got much done. Even things I was not expecting to do.
I have researched, researched, researched about the protein content of foods and I was pleasantly surprised. I have lots of nuts, beef jerky and Greek yogurt has twice the protein of regular yogurt, so we shall try that! I am happy to say that today I counted everything that went in my mouth and I got in 64.4 grams of protein today! YAY!. The doctor suggests that we get at least 60 grams per day. I have a protein spread sheet for 1 month count at a time.
Accountability, I am taking charge of my life and my body. (Well, pretty much if and when my polycyctic ovarian syndrome steps aside!) Also bought prenatal vitamins to get my vitamins in. I am even trying roasted soynuts, and that doesn't even sound good, huh? I did find a protein bar at WalMart with 21 grams of protein per bar and it is called Marathon by Snickers. Can't go wrong with Snickers, can you? And I found another nut bar with 12 grams of protein per bar, and the bar is much smaller. YAY!
I had a hot date for lunch today, but it got cooled down a bit. Anything to spend time with my honey. I was hoping for different lunch plans but it was all good. My honey's mom decided to join us for lunch and it was very enjoyable other than not getting our lunch of salad and soup until 12:50 when I had to be back at work by 1. It took 31 minutes and so many seconds verified by the manager. We did get 30% off the ticket but I was rushed and took 2 bites way to fast and it didn't feel too swift, so I have the rest of my Shrimp and Spinach salad to finish tomorrow.
I do love my mom in law though. She has always been there for me, except when she thought I was raising her grand-kids in filth and when she thought my honey should divorce me, but she did see the truth of the situation and understands now. I forgave her because we all screw up and say things we really don't mean. She and I have a closeness that I never thought I would have with my inlaws. Growing up, there was always so much of the typical inlaw syndrome with my aunts and uncles and I was truly afraid of that, because it didn't seem natural. She and I have had some wonderfully fun times and I hope many more to come. I love her so much and feel lost if I don't talk to her everyday just to touch base and make sure she is good. She loves my boys so much and loves being with them. She spent lots of time with them when they were little. And my boys love their grandparents so much. I (we) am very blessed to have her in my life and thank God every day while asking him to watch over her.
So, tomorrow is FRIDAY! YAY! Time with my honey that will go by way too fast. On the agenda is to organize the things for the yard/bake sale in the garage, move out the washer and dryer, clean out and add them on top of the new pedestals that my honey bought me last weekend, bake cookies, cupcakes (maybe cake), s'mores bars, shampoo the living room carpet and move Brayden's weight bench, the treadmill and the recumbent bike into our dining room that will be a workout room now, until we move. I have about 4 boxes to pack also from the kitchen and dining room. I am excited and really want to get this stuff done! I want to feel better too and hope my plans will plan out!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
One month and still cooking....
It has been 30 days since I had Gastric Bypass surgery and I have lost 25 pounds. I guess I can't complain, but I am frustrated. I want to feel better and now I now know that I have deficiencies in my vitamins and I have overdone things that I should have allowed others to do. But does it get done? Not often. Sometimes my frustration is because I don't want to ask for help (since I have never had to ask for much help before my ACL replacement), feel like I am needy if I ask or just am not able to get the attention (or listening ear) of someone that could help. I strongly dislike feeling needy. Today, I was doing a very small job (or what should have been a small job), but it turned into something more because equipment was not properly cared for. I didn't want to ask for help because sometimes it is more work to ask for help than to remedy the situation myself. I was so shaky and so nauseous that I thought I would pass out, so I sat down and tried to breathe. Never have I felt like this before. I hadn't eaten anything because of nausea and I just felt like I was shutting down. I didn't get to meet with my doctor today but they had a group meeting instead. I really needed to ask some questions, but will just go on the assumption that it is what it is and I will have to work harder. Low protein, insufficient B-12 and insufficient vitamin D are causing me to be shaky and feeling weak. Sub lingual B-12 is not working for me so I now have a prescription for nasal B-12.
My low protein due to not being able to eat much because it is suspected that my sleeve may in fact be shaped like an eye <> instead of the nice round it should be. The good thing is that it will reform to the round shape about the size of my finger within the next 6 months. If I get to the point that nothing is going down, then I will have to go in for a look-see, down the endoscopic route. This would mean that my sleeve has closed flat preventing passage of food and most liquids. It is an easy fix while they are looking to dilate the sleeve and resolve the problem.
But the noises! Oh the noises! My insides have never made so many noises. I am very aware and pray others are not.
My plan for now is to press on to the target. Increase protein and I tried some good protein bars and drinks, get some vitamin D and B-12 going strong and start on prenatal vitamins. Prenatals have higher iron and they also have biotin which will help my nails and hair during this stressing time, they also have calcium citrate. I also heard of another option for calcium citrate at GNC and it is cherry wafers. So far, GNC has not made me love them. I am more a fan of the vitamin shop. My doc says don't call him if I start prenatals and get pregnant. Well, someone will have some answering to do since my honey is no longer able to father a child. But in all seriousness, I would do this over again, but I probably would have taken another week, because I have the need to do things that are requested and find the time somewhere and my body really needed(s) to heal.
On a funny note, those of you who really know me will get a kick out of this! After leaving doctor's office, I thought I would stop and get a small diet Coke. And I did, but it seriously tasted like cough syrup! Has it always tasted like that? No, it was always amazing with real cherries! I have been abducted by aliens and there is no turning back. My taste buds have been without diet Coke for 6 weeks and nothing is the same. Everything has a stronger taste and I don't care for the bland foods. If I only get 2-3 bites, I want it to taste good and be good for me (healthy). No, that doesn't mean I am giving up chocolate, but instead of eating the whole Hershey's bar, I only want a single Hershey's kiss. But it is all good. After meeting people that are 1 year and 3 years out, I know life will be grand again. And it still is but with that frustration factor.
Love each other, treat others how you want to treated and live today like it is your last.
My low protein due to not being able to eat much because it is suspected that my sleeve may in fact be shaped like an eye <> instead of the nice round it should be. The good thing is that it will reform to the round shape about the size of my finger within the next 6 months. If I get to the point that nothing is going down, then I will have to go in for a look-see, down the endoscopic route. This would mean that my sleeve has closed flat preventing passage of food and most liquids. It is an easy fix while they are looking to dilate the sleeve and resolve the problem.
But the noises! Oh the noises! My insides have never made so many noises. I am very aware and pray others are not.
My plan for now is to press on to the target. Increase protein and I tried some good protein bars and drinks, get some vitamin D and B-12 going strong and start on prenatal vitamins. Prenatals have higher iron and they also have biotin which will help my nails and hair during this stressing time, they also have calcium citrate. I also heard of another option for calcium citrate at GNC and it is cherry wafers. So far, GNC has not made me love them. I am more a fan of the vitamin shop. My doc says don't call him if I start prenatals and get pregnant. Well, someone will have some answering to do since my honey is no longer able to father a child. But in all seriousness, I would do this over again, but I probably would have taken another week, because I have the need to do things that are requested and find the time somewhere and my body really needed(s) to heal.
On a funny note, those of you who really know me will get a kick out of this! After leaving doctor's office, I thought I would stop and get a small diet Coke. And I did, but it seriously tasted like cough syrup! Has it always tasted like that? No, it was always amazing with real cherries! I have been abducted by aliens and there is no turning back. My taste buds have been without diet Coke for 6 weeks and nothing is the same. Everything has a stronger taste and I don't care for the bland foods. If I only get 2-3 bites, I want it to taste good and be good for me (healthy). No, that doesn't mean I am giving up chocolate, but instead of eating the whole Hershey's bar, I only want a single Hershey's kiss. But it is all good. After meeting people that are 1 year and 3 years out, I know life will be grand again. And it still is but with that frustration factor.
Love each other, treat others how you want to treated and live today like it is your last.
Friday, January 21, 2011
One of the hardest things to do.....
This has been a hard week, but not an impossible week. I got to see my friend, SD twice this week and he was awake and teasing me like the same ole SD. We went by twice this weekend and he was asleep and not feeling well. When I saw him on Wednesday, and walked in to hug him, the first thing he said to me was, "man, I thought it was gonna be a good day!" Teasing back I told him to "hush up". We have always picked on and harassed (lovingly) each other. I never want that to change.
I had a call from his wife, LD, asking for our assistance in witnessing documents that needed to be done and notarized. Medical, Fianancial and Durable Power of Attorney, and that was witnessed and notarized. LD then asked me to read to SD, the Advance Directives workbook to question his wishes. That was hard. The last thing I ever wanted to ask my friend is 'Do you want life support used or do not resuscitate order?" I thought I would cry, but I knew I needed to stay strong for them. Then I had to ask him his wishes after his death. Would he like burial or cremation? I just don't think that at 43 years, he should have to think about that. I also got to ask silly questions we joked about, 'do you want to have your favorite music played' and 'do you want to be alone or have company' , but our favorite was, 'do you want to be rubbed with warm oils', and anyone that knows me knows I had to add my own extra question that we shall keep private between us and them. After that warm oil question I was accused of making up questions, so I wouldn't dare allow my friend to be a liar so I made ONE up! I like to see SD laugh. He used to have this big belly laugh and due to the pain it is a little belly laugh but his eyes do tell the tale. His eyes still laugh the big belly laugh.
This precious family was having family portraits done today and that made my heart happy because it will mean so much to them as the years come and go. Their sweet daughter wanted them to all wear white shirts so she picked up her brother from school and they went and shopped for white shirts for the whole family. That touched my heart. These are incredible kids and an incredible family.
When we first met them it was like we knew each other forever. You know that person you meet that you just click and have so much in common. LD is so much like me and SD is so much like my husband so we could all relate to each other and talk about good and bad. But this is about as bad as it could get, and I will be strong for them and quietly weep later, hopefully with my honey's shoulder to weep on.
I had a call from his wife, LD, asking for our assistance in witnessing documents that needed to be done and notarized. Medical, Fianancial and Durable Power of Attorney, and that was witnessed and notarized. LD then asked me to read to SD, the Advance Directives workbook to question his wishes. That was hard. The last thing I ever wanted to ask my friend is 'Do you want life support used or do not resuscitate order?" I thought I would cry, but I knew I needed to stay strong for them. Then I had to ask him his wishes after his death. Would he like burial or cremation? I just don't think that at 43 years, he should have to think about that. I also got to ask silly questions we joked about, 'do you want to have your favorite music played' and 'do you want to be alone or have company' , but our favorite was, 'do you want to be rubbed with warm oils', and anyone that knows me knows I had to add my own extra question that we shall keep private between us and them. After that warm oil question I was accused of making up questions, so I wouldn't dare allow my friend to be a liar so I made ONE up! I like to see SD laugh. He used to have this big belly laugh and due to the pain it is a little belly laugh but his eyes do tell the tale. His eyes still laugh the big belly laugh.
This precious family was having family portraits done today and that made my heart happy because it will mean so much to them as the years come and go. Their sweet daughter wanted them to all wear white shirts so she picked up her brother from school and they went and shopped for white shirts for the whole family. That touched my heart. These are incredible kids and an incredible family.
When we first met them it was like we knew each other forever. You know that person you meet that you just click and have so much in common. LD is so much like me and SD is so much like my husband so we could all relate to each other and talk about good and bad. But this is about as bad as it could get, and I will be strong for them and quietly weep later, hopefully with my honey's shoulder to weep on.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Pure frustration and ready for more
Twenty three days ago, I had my weight loss surgery. And last time I checked I was down 23 pounds, so at a pound a day, by this time next year I will be...dead? Shriveled up to nothing! HAHA! Just kidding, but I am frustrated.
I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, most of the time. I take my Viativ multi-vitamin every day, my chewable iron every day, my calcium every day and my B-12. I am not getting the required amount of protein in and that is my struggle. I am trying to rest and recover but kinda falling short there too. I have not missed one night of my blood thinner injections in my abdomen though. I am ready to exercise though and am doing what the doctor says by walking only. I go in next week for my 1 month follow up. I hope things can get back to normal soon.
I am tired of my stomach hurting with every drink and food and I am SO tired of the hiccups every time I take a sip or bite. My stomach has improved a little each week though and for that I am grateful! But the hiccups! I sound like a drunk. I am ready to get some strength back and get this show on the road.
Did you know the most amazing thing is life won't slow down for me? I don't get it, when my boys or JB has been sick, everything still functioned, but when I am down, everything will wait. I guess that is OK, but I get way to stinking tired and I am not used to feeling like this. Yes, I am whinning a bit because I want some energy again!
I have 6 incisions in my abdomen, at the 12, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 clock positions. The 3 top incisions were smaller and the steri-strips have fallen off but the bottom three were larger but I can't tell you how much cause I still can't see them. My first incision that I saw is shaped like a butterfly. Kinda ironic though, and you can read back a few posts and read the butterfly story.
I am ready though. My Zach and Jo are coming home March 25th and I can't wait! It has been one whole year since we have seen them and I miss them terribly! I also just want to disappear one weekend with my honey on a cruise, just a short cruise but just have some us time!
I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, most of the time. I take my Viativ multi-vitamin every day, my chewable iron every day, my calcium every day and my B-12. I am not getting the required amount of protein in and that is my struggle. I am trying to rest and recover but kinda falling short there too. I have not missed one night of my blood thinner injections in my abdomen though. I am ready to exercise though and am doing what the doctor says by walking only. I go in next week for my 1 month follow up. I hope things can get back to normal soon.
I am tired of my stomach hurting with every drink and food and I am SO tired of the hiccups every time I take a sip or bite. My stomach has improved a little each week though and for that I am grateful! But the hiccups! I sound like a drunk. I am ready to get some strength back and get this show on the road.
Did you know the most amazing thing is life won't slow down for me? I don't get it, when my boys or JB has been sick, everything still functioned, but when I am down, everything will wait. I guess that is OK, but I get way to stinking tired and I am not used to feeling like this. Yes, I am whinning a bit because I want some energy again!
I have 6 incisions in my abdomen, at the 12, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 clock positions. The 3 top incisions were smaller and the steri-strips have fallen off but the bottom three were larger but I can't tell you how much cause I still can't see them. My first incision that I saw is shaped like a butterfly. Kinda ironic though, and you can read back a few posts and read the butterfly story.
I am ready though. My Zach and Jo are coming home March 25th and I can't wait! It has been one whole year since we have seen them and I miss them terribly! I also just want to disappear one weekend with my honey on a cruise, just a short cruise but just have some us time!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
How we all can hurt each other...
Fable of the Porcupine
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together.This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other.
After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen.
So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. This way they learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close relationship with their companion.
But the most important part of it was the heat that came from the others.
This way they were able to survive.
The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire
the other person's good qualities.
I read this story weeks ago and loved it. It is amazing what we could learn from the animals God put on the earth to co-exist with us.
We, just like the porcupines needed each other, we desperately need each other. We need each other for warmth (there is nothing better than a warm hug from a friend) but my favorite thing about this is that in keeping each other warm they got hurt a little. We all get hurt and hurt people, even when we try our hardest not to and even though it hurts, we still need each other. Forgiveness warms the heart further. If we can't forgive others, it will eat at our soul and we will disappear from the earth.
We need to look at others quills like we look at our own. It is so easy for us to see others imperfections, instead of looking at the positive qualities others have. We have to chose to be encouraging to others, and by choosing to encourage, we are choosing to not run others down by way of their flaws. We all have flaws don't we? Sure we do, some like me have more flaws than most. Each day I try to improve on the flaws. My goal is to wake up happy and make those around me happy, by not letting the devil win. The devil throws things at us to try to get us to be unforgiving, and hateful to one another, but we can't let him win and we all need to try very hard to keep our quills from harming another to much. Learning to live with each other like we are is where happiness comes from. You are imperfect and I am imperfect but I love you none the less.
This way they were able to survive.
The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire
the other person's good qualities.
I read this story weeks ago and loved it. It is amazing what we could learn from the animals God put on the earth to co-exist with us.
We, just like the porcupines needed each other, we desperately need each other. We need each other for warmth (there is nothing better than a warm hug from a friend) but my favorite thing about this is that in keeping each other warm they got hurt a little. We all get hurt and hurt people, even when we try our hardest not to and even though it hurts, we still need each other. Forgiveness warms the heart further. If we can't forgive others, it will eat at our soul and we will disappear from the earth.
We need to look at others quills like we look at our own. It is so easy for us to see others imperfections, instead of looking at the positive qualities others have. We have to chose to be encouraging to others, and by choosing to encourage, we are choosing to not run others down by way of their flaws. We all have flaws don't we? Sure we do, some like me have more flaws than most. Each day I try to improve on the flaws. My goal is to wake up happy and make those around me happy, by not letting the devil win. The devil throws things at us to try to get us to be unforgiving, and hateful to one another, but we can't let him win and we all need to try very hard to keep our quills from harming another to much. Learning to live with each other like we are is where happiness comes from. You are imperfect and I am imperfect but I love you none the less.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I do so hate cancer! And yes, I am angry!
As I sit and research everything I can read on Smoldering Multiple Myeloma, I get a call from my dear friend LD. She is emotional and with good reason, her husband, SD, was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of multiple organs and lymph nodes. SD is only 43 years old and 3 weeks older than my husband. This family has become close with my family over the last 3 years and we have so much in common. They are just amazing, loving, giving and know the true meaning of friendship. But I am angry at cancer! Why this family? SD had taken a turn for the worse and they did a blood transfusion. He had a hard day. I strongly dislike hearing my friends pain and not being able to help! I want to be there for her to hug her and to tell her that I love her and SD and their sweet children. I want to stop feeling helpless. Cancer makes me feel helpless! I know God is in control and He has a plan but shamefully, I want to know why SD? I don't understand this! I have so many memories of the crazy times we have had together these last three years and selfishly, I want MORE of those times! I want my husband's good friend to be there to laugh and be his funny, humorous self.
Well, the test came back and he was positive for mgus which is short for Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance. Rather than try to explain too much I would rather you google it for yourself. He also tested positive for Smoldering Multiple Myeloma, which are pre-cancerous cells, although some sites refer to them as cancer cells in the dormant stage. Meaning they are not attacking the organs and bones like full blown multiple myeloma does. Multiple Myeloma has no cure and carries with it a 3-5 year life expectancy, althought advances at the Mayo clinic make me optimistic that that could be easily doubled. Yes, I was angry! Cancer should pick on someone hateful and ugly and mean, not good, dependable, loving and giving men. But I have two options 1) I can get angry and harden my heart and make everyone around me miserable or 2) I can accept that it is what it is and pray, pray, pray that the Lord keeps this disease at bay and that it does not evolve into the full blown cancer. Every 3 months my honey will have extensive blood work up and they will check the progression of the proteins. So, I (we) are choosing to take life one day at a time. We have been scared, I can't picture my life without him by my side. Since I was 15 years old, he has had my heart. And we have had a wonderful ride so far and I know the best is yet to come. We have stepped back and looked at what is important, what is truly important, and it is not what we were going on. Our relationship with Christ, our marriage, our children, our family, our church family and our friends. All of the people that are supportive, that is what is important. These are the loves of our hearts. We want to build stronger bonds with our nephews and niece and our brothers and their families. We want to have our parents, siblings and our sweet friends over for dinner more. We want to force what our rushed and hurried life has pushed aside. It is so easy to lose sight of what is important and before you know it, years have passed and opportunities are lost.
There are times through the years of our marriage that we have lost sight of each other. We will make the best of the time we have together, instead of mulling along. Life is too short and tomorrow is not promised. But I did NOT have this surgery to get healthy and thin to not spend my life with my love. So I dig a little deeper and search when the time allows for healthy options and a healthier lifestyle for all of us. I love my honey so much that I hurts to even think that there would come a time that he would not be by my side.
So in saying this, no matter what comes back in 3, 6, 9 months or a year, we will face it then and we will stand together against this evil killer. I am prepared to accept anything because I have no control over this situation, and I must be strong and I must get us all through this because as my sweet Brayden said "mommy, we could never live comfortable without daddy" when we were referring to finances. No, we couldn't and I don't plan to. I plan to fight this with everything in me and I plan to have my honey by my side in the next rocking chair rocking one of our grand babies down the road. Zach & Jo say the long road. But that is OK, this is their life and their choice. When they are ready to bless me with a grandchild, I will be ready.
The bottom line is that sometimes life stinks, but it is still good. Don't waste a moment missing a chance to love and missing a chance to hug a friend, because that is what it is all about!
Well, the test came back and he was positive for mgus which is short for Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance. Rather than try to explain too much I would rather you google it for yourself. He also tested positive for Smoldering Multiple Myeloma, which are pre-cancerous cells, although some sites refer to them as cancer cells in the dormant stage. Meaning they are not attacking the organs and bones like full blown multiple myeloma does. Multiple Myeloma has no cure and carries with it a 3-5 year life expectancy, althought advances at the Mayo clinic make me optimistic that that could be easily doubled. Yes, I was angry! Cancer should pick on someone hateful and ugly and mean, not good, dependable, loving and giving men. But I have two options 1) I can get angry and harden my heart and make everyone around me miserable or 2) I can accept that it is what it is and pray, pray, pray that the Lord keeps this disease at bay and that it does not evolve into the full blown cancer. Every 3 months my honey will have extensive blood work up and they will check the progression of the proteins. So, I (we) are choosing to take life one day at a time. We have been scared, I can't picture my life without him by my side. Since I was 15 years old, he has had my heart. And we have had a wonderful ride so far and I know the best is yet to come. We have stepped back and looked at what is important, what is truly important, and it is not what we were going on. Our relationship with Christ, our marriage, our children, our family, our church family and our friends. All of the people that are supportive, that is what is important. These are the loves of our hearts. We want to build stronger bonds with our nephews and niece and our brothers and their families. We want to have our parents, siblings and our sweet friends over for dinner more. We want to force what our rushed and hurried life has pushed aside. It is so easy to lose sight of what is important and before you know it, years have passed and opportunities are lost.
There are times through the years of our marriage that we have lost sight of each other. We will make the best of the time we have together, instead of mulling along. Life is too short and tomorrow is not promised. But I did NOT have this surgery to get healthy and thin to not spend my life with my love. So I dig a little deeper and search when the time allows for healthy options and a healthier lifestyle for all of us. I love my honey so much that I hurts to even think that there would come a time that he would not be by my side.
So in saying this, no matter what comes back in 3, 6, 9 months or a year, we will face it then and we will stand together against this evil killer. I am prepared to accept anything because I have no control over this situation, and I must be strong and I must get us all through this because as my sweet Brayden said "mommy, we could never live comfortable without daddy" when we were referring to finances. No, we couldn't and I don't plan to. I plan to fight this with everything in me and I plan to have my honey by my side in the next rocking chair rocking one of our grand babies down the road. Zach & Jo say the long road. But that is OK, this is their life and their choice. When they are ready to bless me with a grandchild, I will be ready.
The bottom line is that sometimes life stinks, but it is still good. Don't waste a moment missing a chance to love and missing a chance to hug a friend, because that is what it is all about!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Frustration has set in.
After leaving for vacation on December 22nd, I finally returned back to work today. There is so much to do and I just wanted to cry, but that would have been counterproductive, so I just got busy. I only worked 1/2 a day because of the rain, ice and snow. The roads were not bad at all and I was wishing I would have just gone in at 8 AM. The phone was fairly quiet and the building was empty and that is when I can accomplish the most. I am ready to get into the routine of work again.
My other frustration is my surgery. I just cannot understand it, when I put anything in my mouth other than water or Crystal Light makes my stomach hurt. Not a painful type of hurt but a weird hurt and causes me to have chills up my back. I can do broth without problems but cream soups, yogurt, smoothie, or anything with any type of consistency. I will have to go online and research and see what I am doing wrong.
Is there ever a time that you feel like someone is just tolerating you because they have to? I really dislike it when I come to that conclusion. I wish I could stop caring what other people think but I do care, because if I am doing something annoying, I would rather that someone be honest with me and get it all out in the open. I just don't believe in confrontation but sometimes you have to just lay it all out.
Schools were mostly all closed today because of the wintry weather. This made one 14 year old ecstatic at our house. It was a very relaxing morning before I went to work. This is one funny thing I have laughed at for years. My honey is trying to lose some weight and is doing good. He went through somewhere and ordered and then asked me later, 'did you notice that I ordered my chicken sandwich grilled?' Yes, I am proud of the changes he is made but I think it is funny. Men make me laugh. And I will be encouraging and excited that he ordered a grilled chicken sandwich. If I could just get his to eat greens, THAT would be an accomplishment! But I love him for trying to add years to his life but changing his bad habits into better choices.
I do love all my guys. They are funny and crazy. My honey has been the most incredible husband during this surgery. Although he has referred to himself as the 'drill sergeant', it has not been that bad. The doctor sent me home with this leg compression unit, to compress my calves to decrease the chance of blood clots. They also sent me home with Lovenox injections for 30 days. He got really upset with me because I wanted a short nap without the compressions, just a short nap. He insisted I let him put them on and I refused, kicking my legs so he couldn't put them on. Now, you also have to understand that I had ACL replacement surgery in July and was very restricted in bed with movement. I had the leg movement unit I had to sleep with and could not get comfy. I just wanted a short, little nap without the leg unit. My honey was so worried about me getting a blood clot and got kinda mad at me for just wanting a nap. It is funny now but he was trying so hard to keep me safe and I just wanted to be comfortable. After having the surgery on the 27th, and getting out of surgery at 8:30PM, I had to be woke up every 2 hours to walk. The first night, my mom and my nurse woke me every 2 hours to walk and every hour to drink so my sleep pattern was so messed up. I was frustrated but did what needed to be done and never complained once. I don't take chances with my life or others for that matter, just wanted a nap with my legs free. I have not missed one day of my injections, and have taken all my vitamins almost every day.
My other frustration is my surgery. I just cannot understand it, when I put anything in my mouth other than water or Crystal Light makes my stomach hurt. Not a painful type of hurt but a weird hurt and causes me to have chills up my back. I can do broth without problems but cream soups, yogurt, smoothie, or anything with any type of consistency. I will have to go online and research and see what I am doing wrong.
Is there ever a time that you feel like someone is just tolerating you because they have to? I really dislike it when I come to that conclusion. I wish I could stop caring what other people think but I do care, because if I am doing something annoying, I would rather that someone be honest with me and get it all out in the open. I just don't believe in confrontation but sometimes you have to just lay it all out.
Schools were mostly all closed today because of the wintry weather. This made one 14 year old ecstatic at our house. It was a very relaxing morning before I went to work. This is one funny thing I have laughed at for years. My honey is trying to lose some weight and is doing good. He went through somewhere and ordered and then asked me later, 'did you notice that I ordered my chicken sandwich grilled?' Yes, I am proud of the changes he is made but I think it is funny. Men make me laugh. And I will be encouraging and excited that he ordered a grilled chicken sandwich. If I could just get his to eat greens, THAT would be an accomplishment! But I love him for trying to add years to his life but changing his bad habits into better choices.
I do love all my guys. They are funny and crazy. My honey has been the most incredible husband during this surgery. Although he has referred to himself as the 'drill sergeant', it has not been that bad. The doctor sent me home with this leg compression unit, to compress my calves to decrease the chance of blood clots. They also sent me home with Lovenox injections for 30 days. He got really upset with me because I wanted a short nap without the compressions, just a short nap. He insisted I let him put them on and I refused, kicking my legs so he couldn't put them on. Now, you also have to understand that I had ACL replacement surgery in July and was very restricted in bed with movement. I had the leg movement unit I had to sleep with and could not get comfy. I just wanted a short, little nap without the leg unit. My honey was so worried about me getting a blood clot and got kinda mad at me for just wanting a nap. It is funny now but he was trying so hard to keep me safe and I just wanted to be comfortable. After having the surgery on the 27th, and getting out of surgery at 8:30PM, I had to be woke up every 2 hours to walk. The first night, my mom and my nurse woke me every 2 hours to walk and every hour to drink so my sleep pattern was so messed up. I was frustrated but did what needed to be done and never complained once. I don't take chances with my life or others for that matter, just wanted a nap with my legs free. I have not missed one day of my injections, and have taken all my vitamins almost every day.
The Youth Retreat
The Jan-Kay Youth Retreat began Friday night (1-7-11) and we returned home Sunday (1-9-11) about noon. The youth retreats are so rejuvenating for many reasons. The camp is so beautiful, with a lake, pool, park, canoes, paddle-boats, lots of trees and lots of space, not to forget the animals, tigers, camels, horses, lama, rhino, elephants, and just about any other animal you can think of. It is a wonderful place to retreat to every once in a while. The best part about it is the lessons and the singing. The singing of the young is one of the most beautiful sounds to me. It thrills my soul to hear these songs of praise! The youth reconnect with one another, make new friendships and enjoy the company of one another. The 'old' people that accompany them are able to get to know them just a little bit better. It helps to bridge the gap between generations. The girls football game is always a hit and those girls are so competitive and so serious about the game. The referees were....well, let's just say I am glad they have a true profession. And the coaches were quite the silly guys, some serious and some taking it for what it was, fun, fun, fun! The ride home was a touch and anxiety filled trip. Many vehicles in ditches and off the road. In Texas, wintry blasts means trouble because Texans can't drive in the stuff. Visibility was hard due to the heavy fat snow at times and the ice and rain sticking to the wipers at other times. We stopped occasionally to clean the wipers so the windshield would be cleaned properly. And I prayed and prayed that the youth would make it back with no incidents. Those prayers were answered.
The hardest part for me was to get the nutrition I needed. Eating applesauce with protein added while everyone enjoys eggs, sausage, biscuits and gravy, one of my favorite breakfasts. I keep reminding myself it was 1 retreat and next year will be easier. Sunday morning I did feel poorly after walking up the hill. My muscles were lacking what they needed and my body responded appropriately. It was quite the wake up call. During the morning worship before leaving I was over come with nausea, but after about 30 minutes, it passed and all was OK. When we returned home I napped for 4 hours and took a hot shower and felt much better.
The hardest part for me was to get the nutrition I needed. Eating applesauce with protein added while everyone enjoys eggs, sausage, biscuits and gravy, one of my favorite breakfasts. I keep reminding myself it was 1 retreat and next year will be easier. Sunday morning I did feel poorly after walking up the hill. My muscles were lacking what they needed and my body responded appropriately. It was quite the wake up call. During the morning worship before leaving I was over come with nausea, but after about 30 minutes, it passed and all was OK. When we returned home I napped for 4 hours and took a hot shower and felt much better.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
How do you know a strong person?
"A strong person knows how to keep their life in order amidst the chaos. Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say 'I'm OK' with a smile."
I read this quote that came through my email today. Now, I didn't post it because I believe I am strong but on the contrary. I can be strong and I believe that many times men in my life underestimate this. Yes, my heart can hurt and that pain does release through my tear ducts. I am stronger than I used to be and I believe that I will become stronger. I am a tender-hearted person and I want to believe that people are good and honest, but I do have the little voice on my shoulder that says, "huhm, maybe we better double check some facts." There are very few people that know my inner soul, honestly, I think there may be 3 at the most. I don't like people to see my pain, and do my best to hide it. Working on that too. I guess if I was to set a New Year's Resolution it would be that. To work on being so readable to some. Work on saying, convinceably, "I'm OK' with a smile.
I do watch people and I wish to be like some. The lady at church that will take on any task and successfully tackle it, the co-worker that comes in every day happy, like nothing ever bothers them, and how about the waitress that is always smiling. Smiling and happiness runs only a close second to one other thing. And for those with your mind in the gutter, I will tell you it is kissing. There is nothing greater than that, at least to me. But I love smiling, laughing and just being happy. When I am at my best, things don't get me down, but sometimes the old creeper rains on my parade or forbids me to splash in the puddles and I will pout.
I do love people though, some more than others just as everyone else does, but I think that sometimes we get caught up on the ride of making the almighty dollar and forget why we are here on this earth. We are here to convince all those we love and those we haven't learned to love yet that their next place of permanent residence should be heaven. Wouldn't it be amazing if everyone THOUGHT about what is right and wrong? Who would ever believe that anyone would ever think it was right to rip an unborn child from it's mother's womb? Watch a video of an abortion and see if you think that is right, what if that unborn child was you? Or your grandchild? This thought never crossed my mind even when doctors told me that my boys could have down syndrome because of a bad reading on a test. You know what- - they were wrong? No matter what would ever be wrong with a child of mine, I could not have terminated, even if it meant holding my child for 1 minute while they drew its last breath. Even if my life was at risk, I could not terminate, even if it meant my death. Do you think God thinks my life is more important than my childs? I don't think my life is more important than anyone's. We are all equal and all deserve the chance to breathe, to run,to sing and to love. I love music and I love nothing more in this world than to hear a small child singing "day 1, day 1, God made light when there was none." I hope heaven is full of children singing.
I believe I am strong enough to stand up for what I believe in and for those I believe in, but I need to become strong enough to stand up for me.
The daily writings of a slacker...
Yes, slacker, that is what I feel like. I tried to log on to post last night when my mind was racing and my computer was being retarded so I gave up after 3 tries.
I am so used to going and doing, my routine is my sanity, because it keeps me from thinking. I miss working at my job because of the stimulation for my brain and I believe when I start back to college, I will enjoy that stimuli also. Many evenings I have thought, "oh I am gonna go back to work tomorrow, better call MG." and then I have to literally smack myself. I promised myself this week to rest and do AS I PLEASE. Maybe once every 10 years, I do this. I will admit that I went in today for a few minutes to pay federal taxes because we all know, when Uncle Sam wants his money, HE WANTS HIS MONEY! The rest of the time there was spent productively and I got some time to visit with a friend that I have missed visiting with and then I got to harass BW, our youth minister, whom I have worked 2 years with and finally learned how to properly spell my name. I will have to think of some mis-spelling of his name to tease him when I return next week, on Monday! WHOO HOO!
Speaking of MG, she has been so amazing in stepping in when I leave. I totally trust her with my job and know that I won't be inundated with tons of work upon returning. I also know that my co-workers won't forbid me to ever take another vacation because they have had to do my job or handle the tasks that we all dread. It is very hard for me to take time because my job changes and much is added each year, and it makes no sense to reteach it over and over. It is hard to actually take a vacation. And don't get me wrong, I have others that have stepped in when MG was unavailable and I am SO grateful to them also, even if they are just answering the phone.
Wednesday was one of my down days. I just felt like the energy was zapped right out of me. I know my protein was low because I can not hardly gear up enough to have any type of appetite yet. I am drinking my fluids and taking my supplements as well as getting my nightly injections. Brayden seems to enjoy giving his ole mom injections now, so I have not had to actually give many to myself. I actually went to Ladies Bible Class in the morning and worship that night. I have really got to be half dead to miss worship, or contagious. I won't go if I am at risk for making others ill. We have too many that are easily infected and many, many elderly! I have been looking for other measures of protein for the next 10 days and asking questions on Facebook too.
My dear, sweet friend, AH, (she has the most perfect first and last name!) called me today and had time to burn so she went to GNC for me and wanted to know about certain things I might try. She got me a ton of things to try and I am so grateful to her. It is these times that my heart swells when someone I care about goes out of their way to see that I have what I need. I am so stubbornly, independent that I don't want others to 'waste their time' on me. But oh, how I love to 'waste my time on them.' I try to be careful to not take away that joy for others because it makes me feel dependent.
So I started off my day with 32 grams of protein in one "milkshake". The taste was good but it was 20 ounces and that is hard to drink when it is so thick. It took me about 3 hours to finish the drink. I am feeling better and glad it is getting closer to my return to work so I don't feel like such a slacker! And yet, my house is still not cleaned. What have I done with my time this week? OH, yeah, that rest thing. Have to admit it has been really nice, having no conditions on my day except to make sure I get my child from school.
I had a visit from one of my bosses today to discuss the upcoming budget and my pull from it. I am very grateful to work for such a wonderful group of men, but I am also grateful to have the co-workers that I have. I am truly blessed. Yeah, there are some things I miss out on because I am the only female but the blessings most definitely override the things I miss. They are all just amazing and I love every one of them.
Tonight will be basketball game for Brayden, at Boles, and I am looking forward to watching him play.
I am so used to going and doing, my routine is my sanity, because it keeps me from thinking. I miss working at my job because of the stimulation for my brain and I believe when I start back to college, I will enjoy that stimuli also. Many evenings I have thought, "oh I am gonna go back to work tomorrow, better call MG." and then I have to literally smack myself. I promised myself this week to rest and do AS I PLEASE. Maybe once every 10 years, I do this. I will admit that I went in today for a few minutes to pay federal taxes because we all know, when Uncle Sam wants his money, HE WANTS HIS MONEY! The rest of the time there was spent productively and I got some time to visit with a friend that I have missed visiting with and then I got to harass BW, our youth minister, whom I have worked 2 years with and finally learned how to properly spell my name. I will have to think of some mis-spelling of his name to tease him when I return next week, on Monday! WHOO HOO!
Speaking of MG, she has been so amazing in stepping in when I leave. I totally trust her with my job and know that I won't be inundated with tons of work upon returning. I also know that my co-workers won't forbid me to ever take another vacation because they have had to do my job or handle the tasks that we all dread. It is very hard for me to take time because my job changes and much is added each year, and it makes no sense to reteach it over and over. It is hard to actually take a vacation. And don't get me wrong, I have others that have stepped in when MG was unavailable and I am SO grateful to them also, even if they are just answering the phone.
Wednesday was one of my down days. I just felt like the energy was zapped right out of me. I know my protein was low because I can not hardly gear up enough to have any type of appetite yet. I am drinking my fluids and taking my supplements as well as getting my nightly injections. Brayden seems to enjoy giving his ole mom injections now, so I have not had to actually give many to myself. I actually went to Ladies Bible Class in the morning and worship that night. I have really got to be half dead to miss worship, or contagious. I won't go if I am at risk for making others ill. We have too many that are easily infected and many, many elderly! I have been looking for other measures of protein for the next 10 days and asking questions on Facebook too.
My dear, sweet friend, AH, (she has the most perfect first and last name!) called me today and had time to burn so she went to GNC for me and wanted to know about certain things I might try. She got me a ton of things to try and I am so grateful to her. It is these times that my heart swells when someone I care about goes out of their way to see that I have what I need. I am so stubbornly, independent that I don't want others to 'waste their time' on me. But oh, how I love to 'waste my time on them.' I try to be careful to not take away that joy for others because it makes me feel dependent.
So I started off my day with 32 grams of protein in one "milkshake". The taste was good but it was 20 ounces and that is hard to drink when it is so thick. It took me about 3 hours to finish the drink. I am feeling better and glad it is getting closer to my return to work so I don't feel like such a slacker! And yet, my house is still not cleaned. What have I done with my time this week? OH, yeah, that rest thing. Have to admit it has been really nice, having no conditions on my day except to make sure I get my child from school.
I had a visit from one of my bosses today to discuss the upcoming budget and my pull from it. I am very grateful to work for such a wonderful group of men, but I am also grateful to have the co-workers that I have. I am truly blessed. Yeah, there are some things I miss out on because I am the only female but the blessings most definitely override the things I miss. They are all just amazing and I love every one of them.
Tonight will be basketball game for Brayden, at Boles, and I am looking forward to watching him play.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
What ever happened to the way it used to be?
Actually, I went out today and drove the first time since surgery. Had to go get Brayden from basketball practice, but I got to worrying because I ran to the Armory in my jammies. I wasn't indecent or anything, but thought, if I get stopped or hit and have to get out, this is the road that a lot of the church drives home on! I would never live it down with most of them. All is well, with no incidents! :o)
We all think, especially when the holidays roll around, about years past. I LOVE the holidays from my childhood! I don't remember any toys I received but remember the holidays. I remember the family; the grandparents, the aunts, uncles, and the cousins. All of us under one roof. I love my crazy family! We were all so different but all the same blood! We had a perfect sized family, not too big and not too little. I always loved being with my cousin, Marcy. We were 4 months apart and had so much fun, jumping on her trampoline, walking to the store, picking honeysuckle from the church property across the street, and just talking for endless hours. It seemed so far to drive but I would be so blessed if we lived that far away from each other now. There was always something to do when we were together even if there was nothing to do. My entire life has memories of the things we did. We used to dress (and tell people) like twins because everyone would ask! It was easier to say 'yes' than to explain. I think our mothers loved dressing us alike more than we liked it!
When our whole family was together, I felt complete. Completely loved and completely home. Not that I felt unloved when we weren't all together but I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I lived with my mom and my brother and we lived with our maternal grandparents. Divorce was not as "normal" as it is today. I seemed like the only one without a "daddy" around. I use the term loosely because he was anything BUT a daddy. My father (lovingly referred to by myself as the sperm donor) decided to chase other women when I was young, around age 3 if I recall. My older brother and I were a mere 11 months apart. He defined the word : leave. When he left, he never looked back, we never heard from him and every time we turned around he was making sure we knew that we were not wanted. The times at my school such as Breakfast with dad, Dad's career day, and the infamous, Daddy/Daughter Banquet, left me single handed. My mom's younger brother stepped in when he could and boy was I proud to be with him! He was a young father himself though and so it was left for the really important things. I do catch myself watching some of the fathers at church, you know the fathers that would be my fathers age and I wonder if some of their daughters realize how blessed they have been to have their daddy all their lives.
"Do not marry children of divorce" that was the lesson in one high school bible class. It essence, do not marry ME! I recently heard of an older gentleman in our congregation who wants our youth minister to teach to "Date/Marry only other members of the church" and I get why that is suggested. I didn't marry in the church, how could I, we didn't even date, for I was a child of divorce. I married for a really silly reason. LOVE, how foolish! And we did struggle with religion in our marriage for a couple of years. Eventually my husband did become a member of the church but my children never saw religious conflict in the home. Zachary was an infant when his daddy obeyed the gospel.
It used to be that, like families that were always together, church families were always together too. One of my passions is having people over for dinner at my home and I love going to another families home also. It is not about the food but about the company and the conversation. I love getting to know people, sharing thoughts and sharing food. It is very deflating when your invitation for dinner at your home gets turned down often. It is not in the invitation but in the invited. I need to chose other people to ask. It seems like so long since I had anyone to my home for dinner and probably longer since we have gone anywhere. I really miss it and that is one of the things that I intend to change when my health gets back into check. Even having my parents over seems like it has been forever. With all our work schedule conflicts, it is easier to not mess with it.
I know things can't be changed about families getting together and my memories will have to sustain me. Too many directions and too many plans. And I even understand this is how things go. But I do remember how close I was to my cousins and I can't remember why we have all drifted apart. We grew up, changed our way of thinking, found something more important than family? I don't know, but I miss it. We are lucky if we see each other once a year.
2010 saw the last of both of our grandparents exiting our lives. Isn't it strange how they can be gone but never further than your thoughts and your thoughts make it like they were here yesterday. My grandmother has been gone almost 10 years and my grandfather almost a year. I still get the feeling that I need to drive by the house and visit with them, they would love to see the kids. And although I assume that the house now belongs to someone else, and they do see the kids everyday, it just doesn't seem like they are truly gone.
I miss my family.
We all think, especially when the holidays roll around, about years past. I LOVE the holidays from my childhood! I don't remember any toys I received but remember the holidays. I remember the family; the grandparents, the aunts, uncles, and the cousins. All of us under one roof. I love my crazy family! We were all so different but all the same blood! We had a perfect sized family, not too big and not too little. I always loved being with my cousin, Marcy. We were 4 months apart and had so much fun, jumping on her trampoline, walking to the store, picking honeysuckle from the church property across the street, and just talking for endless hours. It seemed so far to drive but I would be so blessed if we lived that far away from each other now. There was always something to do when we were together even if there was nothing to do. My entire life has memories of the things we did. We used to dress (and tell people) like twins because everyone would ask! It was easier to say 'yes' than to explain. I think our mothers loved dressing us alike more than we liked it!
When our whole family was together, I felt complete. Completely loved and completely home. Not that I felt unloved when we weren't all together but I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I lived with my mom and my brother and we lived with our maternal grandparents. Divorce was not as "normal" as it is today. I seemed like the only one without a "daddy" around. I use the term loosely because he was anything BUT a daddy. My father (lovingly referred to by myself as the sperm donor) decided to chase other women when I was young, around age 3 if I recall. My older brother and I were a mere 11 months apart. He defined the word : leave. When he left, he never looked back, we never heard from him and every time we turned around he was making sure we knew that we were not wanted. The times at my school such as Breakfast with dad, Dad's career day, and the infamous, Daddy/Daughter Banquet, left me single handed. My mom's younger brother stepped in when he could and boy was I proud to be with him! He was a young father himself though and so it was left for the really important things. I do catch myself watching some of the fathers at church, you know the fathers that would be my fathers age and I wonder if some of their daughters realize how blessed they have been to have their daddy all their lives.
"Do not marry children of divorce" that was the lesson in one high school bible class. It essence, do not marry ME! I recently heard of an older gentleman in our congregation who wants our youth minister to teach to "Date/Marry only other members of the church" and I get why that is suggested. I didn't marry in the church, how could I, we didn't even date, for I was a child of divorce. I married for a really silly reason. LOVE, how foolish! And we did struggle with religion in our marriage for a couple of years. Eventually my husband did become a member of the church but my children never saw religious conflict in the home. Zachary was an infant when his daddy obeyed the gospel.
It used to be that, like families that were always together, church families were always together too. One of my passions is having people over for dinner at my home and I love going to another families home also. It is not about the food but about the company and the conversation. I love getting to know people, sharing thoughts and sharing food. It is very deflating when your invitation for dinner at your home gets turned down often. It is not in the invitation but in the invited. I need to chose other people to ask. It seems like so long since I had anyone to my home for dinner and probably longer since we have gone anywhere. I really miss it and that is one of the things that I intend to change when my health gets back into check. Even having my parents over seems like it has been forever. With all our work schedule conflicts, it is easier to not mess with it.
I know things can't be changed about families getting together and my memories will have to sustain me. Too many directions and too many plans. And I even understand this is how things go. But I do remember how close I was to my cousins and I can't remember why we have all drifted apart. We grew up, changed our way of thinking, found something more important than family? I don't know, but I miss it. We are lucky if we see each other once a year.
2010 saw the last of both of our grandparents exiting our lives. Isn't it strange how they can be gone but never further than your thoughts and your thoughts make it like they were here yesterday. My grandmother has been gone almost 10 years and my grandfather almost a year. I still get the feeling that I need to drive by the house and visit with them, they would love to see the kids. And although I assume that the house now belongs to someone else, and they do see the kids everyday, it just doesn't seem like they are truly gone.
I miss my family.
Monday, January 3, 2011
WLS January 3, 2011 doctor appointment post
WOW! I had my one week after surgery follow up today. I will start off by saying I lost 15 pounds.
But I was excited when I got to the doctor's office because the patient & her husband that went through surgery with me were also there for their follow up! YAY! We connected and hopefully will stay in touch. B & C both had the sleeve procedure and I was asking them about the injections and such and they had no clue what I was talking about. They were doing wonderful and C looked very pretty in a black dress. I had on loose sweat pants and tshirt and tennis shoes! HAHA! What a slob I felt. Maybe soon I will feel like a little black dress. We did exchange information and I plan to keep in touch. They are also foster parents and live in Terrell so we have a lot in common.
I so enjoyed talking with C and found out that the day of our surgery when I was having a nervous breakdown because of the amount of time it was taking for us to go back to surgery, she was TOO! Misery loves company, right! Her mother in law was with her and she was wishing for her mom or husband, but her mother in law was a nurse and there was some comfort in that too. The funny thing was that C told me that the morning after our surgery, her mother in law had told her that my mom was at the nurse's desk telling my nurse for the day that I had gotten exceptional care the night before and today was, well, not so exceptional. That nurse was not my nurse but moved to another area of the hospital. I never knew why the switch occurred but it is nice to have your mommy in your corner. C said she had one nurse that I believe she called a witch or something evil. You know, we have all had those kinds! B & C also didn't get stapled shut, they were super glued at their request.
I have very little recollection of much from the time that I got some zanax in my IV in pre-op (when I was having my nervous breakdown) and the next mid-morning. I remember walking and drinking vaguely. Every two hours my mom and the nurse would wake me to walk to the bathroom and down the hall and every hour to drink water. It did really feel good although a bit wobbly to walk though. I requested a walker beforehand to walk with to steady myself due to my knee.
Now on to my writing about my appointment today. Like I said, I lost 15 pounds and was so stinking bummed out! 3 weeks on liquids, surgery and only 15 pounds?!?! I am ready to kill someone. HAHA! The nurse laughed at me and said "Sweetie, you still have a lot of swelling and fluid, be patient!" OK, yes ma;m, I will be patient! After weighing in the nurse removed my staples. Funny thing is she makes the bed to sit up to remove my staples and I told her I didn't want to watch her pull metal out of me! She told me to look at the ceiling! ARGHHH!! I have 6 incisions and she said 22 staples. I now am the proud owner of steri-strips! HAHA! The staples didn't bother me though, I just didn't want to see them. I should tell you my aversion to this, it is funny!
My grandfather had abdominal surgery when I was a teenager and he had a large incision diagonally across his abdomen, and I just always thought people were SEWN shut and someone mentioned his staples, and I thought they were joking and he raised his shirt and showed me. I thought I was going to throw up! They stapled my grandpa shut! At seeing my reaction, my grandpa chuckled loudly about it and every time I would walk into the living room he would get my attention and raise his shirt! He laughed every time. I begged the doctor to NOT staple me shut when I had to have c-section with Zachary and he did not staple me but stitched me. I did have staples in my knee in July and it was not THAT bad.
Back to my appointment...Had my staples removed and waited all of 2 minutes for the doctor. Now let me explain, Dr. B did my surgery. I saw Doctor B the first visit and have not seen him since. His associate, Dr. T now oversees the after care but I can always request a one-on-one with Dr. B if I ever want to. But I really love Dr. T, he is so easy to ask questions and is very warm and sincere in his bedside manner. He told me that my sutures looked really good, really good. And then I asked him about the daily injections that I was taking and if I needed to continue them for the full 30 days. The injections are for Lovenox a blood thinner injection. Dr. T reviewed my surgical files and said that with all DS patients (Duodenal switch) Dr. B sends them home with orders to continue the injections once daily. During my stay in the hospital, the nurses were giving the injections every 8 hours. Dr. T also said it depends on what Dr. B saw during surgery. He also stated the they had just had their first patient die this week from blood clot because she refused to use the injections after leaving the hospital. Yes, this scared me, but why would you go through WLS and everything it entails, this is NOT the easy way out, and then refuse to follow the direction of the surgeon. The only thing I stopped taking was the pain meds when I got home because I didn't need them, or so I thought! HAHA!
Enough of the doom and gloom. Dr. T said to stay on liquids for two more weeks.UGH! 3 weeks already, but if that is what he says, I will do it but it is time to break out some options. My sweet honey went by LaMadeline and bought all the cream soups that they had today, 3 different ones, Cream of Mushroom, Tomato Basil and Cream of Potato. The Cream of Mushroom was AWESOME! Dr. T said there are many options with the cream soups but it was the best option for healing. So that is where we are. A sweet friend from church, Susan, brought my boys dinner tonight and made Chicken Tortilla soup and strained it and brought me the broth. I thought that was so sweet of her to take the time to do that. I look forward to trying that tomorrow.
Dr. T also told me to pick up a chewable iron tablet at the Vitamin Shop. They really do taste like sweet tarts! So I have my vitamins and supplements all lined out and know what my plan of action will be. Setting my course for two more weeks! Have a great week!
But I was excited when I got to the doctor's office because the patient & her husband that went through surgery with me were also there for their follow up! YAY! We connected and hopefully will stay in touch. B & C both had the sleeve procedure and I was asking them about the injections and such and they had no clue what I was talking about. They were doing wonderful and C looked very pretty in a black dress. I had on loose sweat pants and tshirt and tennis shoes! HAHA! What a slob I felt. Maybe soon I will feel like a little black dress. We did exchange information and I plan to keep in touch. They are also foster parents and live in Terrell so we have a lot in common.
I so enjoyed talking with C and found out that the day of our surgery when I was having a nervous breakdown because of the amount of time it was taking for us to go back to surgery, she was TOO! Misery loves company, right! Her mother in law was with her and she was wishing for her mom or husband, but her mother in law was a nurse and there was some comfort in that too. The funny thing was that C told me that the morning after our surgery, her mother in law had told her that my mom was at the nurse's desk telling my nurse for the day that I had gotten exceptional care the night before and today was, well, not so exceptional. That nurse was not my nurse but moved to another area of the hospital. I never knew why the switch occurred but it is nice to have your mommy in your corner. C said she had one nurse that I believe she called a witch or something evil. You know, we have all had those kinds! B & C also didn't get stapled shut, they were super glued at their request.
I have very little recollection of much from the time that I got some zanax in my IV in pre-op (when I was having my nervous breakdown) and the next mid-morning. I remember walking and drinking vaguely. Every two hours my mom and the nurse would wake me to walk to the bathroom and down the hall and every hour to drink water. It did really feel good although a bit wobbly to walk though. I requested a walker beforehand to walk with to steady myself due to my knee.
Now on to my writing about my appointment today. Like I said, I lost 15 pounds and was so stinking bummed out! 3 weeks on liquids, surgery and only 15 pounds?!?! I am ready to kill someone. HAHA! The nurse laughed at me and said "Sweetie, you still have a lot of swelling and fluid, be patient!" OK, yes ma;m, I will be patient! After weighing in the nurse removed my staples. Funny thing is she makes the bed to sit up to remove my staples and I told her I didn't want to watch her pull metal out of me! She told me to look at the ceiling! ARGHHH!! I have 6 incisions and she said 22 staples. I now am the proud owner of steri-strips! HAHA! The staples didn't bother me though, I just didn't want to see them. I should tell you my aversion to this, it is funny!
My grandfather had abdominal surgery when I was a teenager and he had a large incision diagonally across his abdomen, and I just always thought people were SEWN shut and someone mentioned his staples, and I thought they were joking and he raised his shirt and showed me. I thought I was going to throw up! They stapled my grandpa shut! At seeing my reaction, my grandpa chuckled loudly about it and every time I would walk into the living room he would get my attention and raise his shirt! He laughed every time. I begged the doctor to NOT staple me shut when I had to have c-section with Zachary and he did not staple me but stitched me. I did have staples in my knee in July and it was not THAT bad.
Back to my appointment...Had my staples removed and waited all of 2 minutes for the doctor. Now let me explain, Dr. B did my surgery. I saw Doctor B the first visit and have not seen him since. His associate, Dr. T now oversees the after care but I can always request a one-on-one with Dr. B if I ever want to. But I really love Dr. T, he is so easy to ask questions and is very warm and sincere in his bedside manner. He told me that my sutures looked really good, really good. And then I asked him about the daily injections that I was taking and if I needed to continue them for the full 30 days. The injections are for Lovenox a blood thinner injection. Dr. T reviewed my surgical files and said that with all DS patients (Duodenal switch) Dr. B sends them home with orders to continue the injections once daily. During my stay in the hospital, the nurses were giving the injections every 8 hours. Dr. T also said it depends on what Dr. B saw during surgery. He also stated the they had just had their first patient die this week from blood clot because she refused to use the injections after leaving the hospital. Yes, this scared me, but why would you go through WLS and everything it entails, this is NOT the easy way out, and then refuse to follow the direction of the surgeon. The only thing I stopped taking was the pain meds when I got home because I didn't need them, or so I thought! HAHA!
Enough of the doom and gloom. Dr. T said to stay on liquids for two more weeks.UGH! 3 weeks already, but if that is what he says, I will do it but it is time to break out some options. My sweet honey went by LaMadeline and bought all the cream soups that they had today, 3 different ones, Cream of Mushroom, Tomato Basil and Cream of Potato. The Cream of Mushroom was AWESOME! Dr. T said there are many options with the cream soups but it was the best option for healing. So that is where we are. A sweet friend from church, Susan, brought my boys dinner tonight and made Chicken Tortilla soup and strained it and brought me the broth. I thought that was so sweet of her to take the time to do that. I look forward to trying that tomorrow.
Dr. T also told me to pick up a chewable iron tablet at the Vitamin Shop. They really do taste like sweet tarts! So I have my vitamins and supplements all lined out and know what my plan of action will be. Setting my course for two more weeks! Have a great week!
Struggle is good, I want to fly!
Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.
The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.
One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.
The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.
At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!
The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!
As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.
But neither happened!
The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It never was able to fly…
As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.
As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly.
This story is so important to me at this point in my life. I have had many years of struggles and many demons to cast aside, and I want out of my cocoon and to be able to spread my wings and fly. I have chosen to stay in the safety of my cocoon, for fear of rejection, pain and to not deal with my past. My past is my past and cannot be changed and will forever be a part of me but will no longer stand in the way of becoming who I can be and reaching my dreams.
I know there are many people who love me and when they see me struggle, they want to help but the best way to help is to support me working out of this cocoon. Don't go get your scissors and try to help me because your good intentions will not make me stronger.
This last year of my life, I have battled through the abandonment of my father when I was very young, my own poor self-esteem and a 24 year old rape that was buried. I would like to say my battle is complete and I am victorious, but as with every battle there will always be the scars to show, but I will remember what I learned through my battles, I will remember that I did come out of the battle and with much prayer and tears, my past will stay in my past. I will no longer see me as the wounded warrior that will forever have a crutch and I will no longer live as the person that is ready to be wounded again, not like that.
Life will continue to have battles and I will continue to squeeze out of my cocoons, but with the love and support of my family and friends, I will be able to spread my wings and fly!
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