I have always dreamed of being able to go back to school. I always thought my honey would get his degree and a job to go with that degree and I could go to college full time. Even applying for the Pell Grant, beginning this is out of grasp, and is very frustrating. I can't explain how I felt today.
I have to go on with what is working, taking care of my family, contributing to our household budget, and keeping our heads above water. I may never have more that a high school diploma to show for, but I long to learn more. I love to have things to challenge my mind, and I love to stretch it above and have more knowledge than what I had yesterday. I have a full doctorate degree in the school of hard knocks but no one wants your knowledge when it is earned that way.
I would love classes to improve my job today as I have it. English and writing classes to have a better understanding or refresher of the proper use of the English language and sentence structure. Computer training to make working the programs easier, instead of going about things the long way. I can play long enough on a program and learn it fairly well, but if I don't use it often, it goes by the way side.
I would love to be able to begin writing, but I lack the confidence of my sentence structure and would like a larger thesaurus in my mental vocabulary. Just from life experiences and from thoughts in my mind, I have a wide array of things that I believe that I could write well about.
What I cannot change, is not to continue dwelling on, so I will put it on the back burner until something changes.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, help me stand...
After taking a sleeping pill and a Vicodin, I am wide awake; maybe they counter-acted each other but none the less I cannot sleep. I have many events that stand to be corrected and in my present physical state, I feel myself lacking in the energy to correct it.
I have completed every step needed to begin the courses of college again but have yet to register for a class. I have decided to take 2 classes this fall and have to make my way to the college to register for them. My plan was to do that Friday morning when this attack, or should we say the devil, reared it's ugly head. Sometimes I think there is always something trying to prevent me from pursuing this dream of mine. Tomorrow I shall attempt to get out to do this and have a little bit of sunshine on my face. Classes begin on Monday and this week is late registration.
I went through a training for 4 weeks to become a CASA volunteer. CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate, and I have accepted my first case. That too will be on my list of things to do while I am out tomorrow to prepare myself to return to work and the daily activities of life. It has not even been 72 hours since I had surgery but it feels like it has been weeks, the hours tick by so slowly and although I look for things to occupy my time, boredom creeps in and steals an hour of wasteful slumber.
There are some very funny things that happen when you have surgery or are under the effects of lasing general anesthetic. The dreams that I have had and the dreams that still come are that of which you don't repeat for fear of being locked inside a soft and cushy room with all but one tiny window. They make no sense and run together things that don't belong together. While I was under the effects of a strong IV pain medication, I indicated that our youth minister was in the hallway delivering pizzas. When my husband questioned me; speaking to him as if HE were the crazy one, I said "what, you don't see him?" I know that this person had been up there to check on me right before they gave me the IV injection, but it is funny how our mind associates things and random thoughts enter in. After my surgery, when my husband came in, I remember nothing of him being there. I remember a bright green shirt and khakis cargo shorts. I don't remember a head attached to the shirt but I knew who it was. I knew my mom and dad were there, but not because I remember seeing them. I remember a cup, straw and pen in a hand and I knew it was her. It is funny how things work in the mind. I believe I have repeatedly questioned my husband about what was said by doctors and people there and also what I said.
I know I am so bad about listening to my body and acting on its signals. I will be that person that has the heart attack and dies because she didn't pay attention to the signs. I know the signs, but with aches and pains, just dismiss them for something minimal. For two weeks I laid in pain, not responding to the pain that my body was projecting. It is very easy for me to blame me, knowing I did something wrong to cause this pain. The funny thing is my husband commented, that I do everything I am supposed to do; I took all my vitamins and made sure my body was in the best possible condition before surgery. I follow doctors orders (except to rest) to the letter and make sure I do what I need to do but I still have problems. Complications are not any fun and I try to avoid them by following the rules. I don't play games with my health but I also fear people thinking I am a hypochondriac. I pride myself on working to earn my living and doing what is right as much as humanly possible. I believe it is because when you hear how people talk about those they believe are hypochondriacs, it is not a description that you would like.
I put too much emphasis on caring about what others think of me. For many people, I truly respect and appreciate them and I do care but for others that are just mere acquaintances, why does it matter? It really doesn't or shouldn't and my focus is on separating those two groups. I care what they think because they matter to me?! My whole life has been a trial in that I wait in judgement of what others think or how others feel. For 42 years I have quietly listened to others thoughts and opinions and rarely have I said anything for fear of them thinking poorly of me. My opinions aren't wrong or screwed up, my opinions are moral and godly and it saddens me when the minority are making up the majority because they can speak up loud and clear. What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong. There is no middle ground.
Does that mean that as long as you do what is right everything will go right for you? No, on the contrary, the harder you work to live right, the harder Satan has to work to sway you and the harder things are. OK, so life is going to be hard? Keep on bringing it....
Blessings still abound amidst the chaos of Satan fighting me. I never could have imagined my life today when I was a child. As a child I never saw myself as a wife or mother. I never 'imagined' my babies were my babies, or my Ken doll was my husband, I just fell into it, or should I say tripped into it. There were two options lined out for me; both were of marriage; one was of like-faith and love would develop and one was of separate faith but true love. I chose the road of true love and it did turn out for the best, I believe. Two wonderful boys later and still deeply in love, I think my choice was clear. I believe that things can make us who we are and who we are can make us believe.
As I forge forward praying that this day will bring healing to my body and peace for my soul, I ask the Lord to take my hand, lead me on, and help me stand. For I know I cannot do this without Him or the Christians that He has placed in my life to guide me and support me.
I have completed every step needed to begin the courses of college again but have yet to register for a class. I have decided to take 2 classes this fall and have to make my way to the college to register for them. My plan was to do that Friday morning when this attack, or should we say the devil, reared it's ugly head. Sometimes I think there is always something trying to prevent me from pursuing this dream of mine. Tomorrow I shall attempt to get out to do this and have a little bit of sunshine on my face. Classes begin on Monday and this week is late registration.
I went through a training for 4 weeks to become a CASA volunteer. CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate, and I have accepted my first case. That too will be on my list of things to do while I am out tomorrow to prepare myself to return to work and the daily activities of life. It has not even been 72 hours since I had surgery but it feels like it has been weeks, the hours tick by so slowly and although I look for things to occupy my time, boredom creeps in and steals an hour of wasteful slumber.
There are some very funny things that happen when you have surgery or are under the effects of lasing general anesthetic. The dreams that I have had and the dreams that still come are that of which you don't repeat for fear of being locked inside a soft and cushy room with all but one tiny window. They make no sense and run together things that don't belong together. While I was under the effects of a strong IV pain medication, I indicated that our youth minister was in the hallway delivering pizzas. When my husband questioned me; speaking to him as if HE were the crazy one, I said "what, you don't see him?" I know that this person had been up there to check on me right before they gave me the IV injection, but it is funny how our mind associates things and random thoughts enter in. After my surgery, when my husband came in, I remember nothing of him being there. I remember a bright green shirt and khakis cargo shorts. I don't remember a head attached to the shirt but I knew who it was. I knew my mom and dad were there, but not because I remember seeing them. I remember a cup, straw and pen in a hand and I knew it was her. It is funny how things work in the mind. I believe I have repeatedly questioned my husband about what was said by doctors and people there and also what I said.
I know I am so bad about listening to my body and acting on its signals. I will be that person that has the heart attack and dies because she didn't pay attention to the signs. I know the signs, but with aches and pains, just dismiss them for something minimal. For two weeks I laid in pain, not responding to the pain that my body was projecting. It is very easy for me to blame me, knowing I did something wrong to cause this pain. The funny thing is my husband commented, that I do everything I am supposed to do; I took all my vitamins and made sure my body was in the best possible condition before surgery. I follow doctors orders (except to rest) to the letter and make sure I do what I need to do but I still have problems. Complications are not any fun and I try to avoid them by following the rules. I don't play games with my health but I also fear people thinking I am a hypochondriac. I pride myself on working to earn my living and doing what is right as much as humanly possible. I believe it is because when you hear how people talk about those they believe are hypochondriacs, it is not a description that you would like.
I put too much emphasis on caring about what others think of me. For many people, I truly respect and appreciate them and I do care but for others that are just mere acquaintances, why does it matter? It really doesn't or shouldn't and my focus is on separating those two groups. I care what they think because they matter to me?! My whole life has been a trial in that I wait in judgement of what others think or how others feel. For 42 years I have quietly listened to others thoughts and opinions and rarely have I said anything for fear of them thinking poorly of me. My opinions aren't wrong or screwed up, my opinions are moral and godly and it saddens me when the minority are making up the majority because they can speak up loud and clear. What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong. There is no middle ground.
Does that mean that as long as you do what is right everything will go right for you? No, on the contrary, the harder you work to live right, the harder Satan has to work to sway you and the harder things are. OK, so life is going to be hard? Keep on bringing it....
Blessings still abound amidst the chaos of Satan fighting me. I never could have imagined my life today when I was a child. As a child I never saw myself as a wife or mother. I never 'imagined' my babies were my babies, or my Ken doll was my husband, I just fell into it, or should I say tripped into it. There were two options lined out for me; both were of marriage; one was of like-faith and love would develop and one was of separate faith but true love. I chose the road of true love and it did turn out for the best, I believe. Two wonderful boys later and still deeply in love, I think my choice was clear. I believe that things can make us who we are and who we are can make us believe.
As I forge forward praying that this day will bring healing to my body and peace for my soul, I ask the Lord to take my hand, lead me on, and help me stand. For I know I cannot do this without Him or the Christians that He has placed in my life to guide me and support me.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Things I strongly dislike....
I don't have much understanding for just crude stuff and the one thing that I think is so disrespectful and crude is this wrist bands that say "I boobies!" One, it is called Breast Cancer and is a very serious type of cancer. I have lost many friends and family, and have very dear friends that I would never disrespect by wearing anything like that! I notice that is mostly men that wear them, but I don't think I have ever met a single man that didn't "love boobies" so why do certain men need to advertise? Insecurity? I strongly dislike them and I think they are so disrespectful and watching my dear friend fight this dreaded disease angers me even more.I am even more put out when people wear them into worship. Where does that belong? I saw a male species (and I use the term lightly) tonight who had one of these bands on. He was not someone that you would consider a desirable date option but you know what he loves. Pshhh....
I also don't understand the face piercings. I'm not talking about the tiny nose piercings (which I think are cute in most cases), I am talking hoops in the lips, nose and eyebrows. What is it with the huge black hoops stretching the ear lobes? How some people scar and stretch their bodies and faces is so beyond me. I see younger and younger children being allowed to do this to their faces and bodies. Seriously, I don't think I could ever kiss someone that has lip piercings. It is really disgusting.
Parents that are sucked into the 'fashion fad' and allow their young girls to wear clothing that is way too suggestive or inappropriate. Why does America want to expose our precious little girls like this? Why do we as Christians not teach our daughters and special girls in our lives that their bodies belong to God first and then only to their husbands? It is a lesson that MUST be taught. There is modest and stylist clothing for girls. I appreciate and respect the moms that make their swimsuits and clothing and the girls are aware of what modesty means, even at young ages. Just because a girl has not met puberty, doesn't mean low cut or short short is appropriate. Creepers and sexual predators are looking at your little girls! They need to be protected by the people that God entrusted with them. Otherwise our girls don't have a chance, they are sending out messages that they don't even know they are sending. Just FYI, I feel the same about our boys too. Don't allow this 'sagging' mess. Who wants to see someones underwear? Not I. I usually just walk by singing the "Pants on the ground" song and they pull them up.
Friday, August 5, 2011
What is in the best interest of the child?
I will start off by saying I apologize if you are offended by this post but will not apologize for my morals and my beliefs.
I am currently taking a class in a child related field, and one of the statements among many that made us think was, "I believe that gay and lesbian couples should be able to foster and adopt children." The choices for our responses were "Strongly agree", "Agree", "Disagree" and "Strongly Disagree". As we went around the room I hear "Agree" (s) coming out of the responses and as they came to me, my response was "Strongly Disagree", and all heads turned to see who had responded like that, I mean who is seriously politically incorrect! I was asked why I strongly disagree. My answer was simple, God intended for a child to be raised by 1 man and 1 woman, and just because society and our very immoral nation thinks that homosexuality is OK, I by no means believe that. An older man spoke up, "wouldn't you rather a child be raised in a home with love than to stay in the system?" My answer was, "I don't want any child to stay in the system, but no, I would rather the child wait until a true family came around for them". He didn't like this answer either and shook his head, rolled his eyes and had that smirk on his face that said I was a stupid 'conservative' female. His next question, "why would you do that to a child, deny them the chance to be loved?" Key word there is chance, chance to be loved. My response was this, "By taking the responsibility of this child in my hands, and deciding what is in the best interest of that child, I could not in good consciounce place a child with a family that is living in sin,(this would also include a couple that was shacked up) becuase the chances of that child ever knowing the true and living God is slim to none and that child's eternity and that child's soul are more important to me than making a few beurocratic knuckle heads happy". I do believe we will answer for things like this. We do not think about anything long term. We do not think about our eternity, we do what gratifies us NOW, and we will deal with the other later. When deciding the fate of a child, I could not recommend placing a child in a home with gay or lesbian parents.
Are there other options? ABsolutely, and my option I am selecting is that I will not preside over a case where there are any homosexual couples involved. I know "man's law" has deemed this type of lifestyle acceptable because people are "born that way"?! I don't believe that either. God made us in HIS image. God is NOT homosexual, in fact, He says this about homosexuality...
"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Genesis 1:27, 28
"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." Leviticus 18:22
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
"If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." Levitucus 20:13
After I stated my position on this situation, 2 other women said they agreed with me and 1 said that she would not accept a case like that either.
My goal is to protect the soul and eternity of every child I can and by giving them an average chance of coming to know the Lord, by not placing them in a home that is living in sin. As much as I want them to be loved here on earth and treasured as every child should be, eternity is a much longer spell. I do beleive it is in the best interest of a child to place them with a mom and a dad and prayfully, in a Christian home. THAT is in every child's best interest.
Another point I had was children in foster care, remove from their homes for chaos, abuse, neglect, and then placed with a homosexual couple. Does that stop the chaos? Will kids not make fun of that child that has 2 mommies or 2 daddies? Absolutely, and the chaos continues. Children that are removed from unthinkable situations should not be placed in homes that God says is an abomination. That is going from the unthinkable to the unthinkable.
I heard that 2 men adopted 3 little girls (siblings), but how are 2 men going to teach 3 little girls how to grow up to be moral and responsible young women? Little girls need a mommy & a daddy and little boys need a daddy and a mommy. Yes, I am aware that every child doesn't have that luxury, and does it make their life wrong? No, I was raised without a father, by his choice, and yes, I did think I missed out but my life was good, better than it ever would have been with him in my life. His absence DID affect my life in many negative ways but I am a bigger person than his comments or hatefulness. I had positive male role models and I was very sheltered from the sin of the world, but eventually you see it all.
Sitting a child on the front row seat at a porn show would be unthinkable, but placing them in an immoral home is no different, they are seeing and believing things that are not right or moral.
I love children enough to speak up for them and the bible is my first instruction manual in making that decision. If this is not for me, time will tell, but I beleive that my consciounce and my moral beliefs should be respected, as I do others, but when children are concerned, we have to think longer, not just tomorrow but next year and 100 years down the line.
I am currently taking a class in a child related field, and one of the statements among many that made us think was, "I believe that gay and lesbian couples should be able to foster and adopt children." The choices for our responses were "Strongly agree", "Agree", "Disagree" and "Strongly Disagree". As we went around the room I hear "Agree" (s) coming out of the responses and as they came to me, my response was "Strongly Disagree", and all heads turned to see who had responded like that, I mean who is seriously politically incorrect! I was asked why I strongly disagree. My answer was simple, God intended for a child to be raised by 1 man and 1 woman, and just because society and our very immoral nation thinks that homosexuality is OK, I by no means believe that. An older man spoke up, "wouldn't you rather a child be raised in a home with love than to stay in the system?" My answer was, "I don't want any child to stay in the system, but no, I would rather the child wait until a true family came around for them". He didn't like this answer either and shook his head, rolled his eyes and had that smirk on his face that said I was a stupid 'conservative' female. His next question, "why would you do that to a child, deny them the chance to be loved?" Key word there is chance, chance to be loved. My response was this, "By taking the responsibility of this child in my hands, and deciding what is in the best interest of that child, I could not in good consciounce place a child with a family that is living in sin,(this would also include a couple that was shacked up) becuase the chances of that child ever knowing the true and living God is slim to none and that child's eternity and that child's soul are more important to me than making a few beurocratic knuckle heads happy". I do believe we will answer for things like this. We do not think about anything long term. We do not think about our eternity, we do what gratifies us NOW, and we will deal with the other later. When deciding the fate of a child, I could not recommend placing a child in a home with gay or lesbian parents.
Are there other options? ABsolutely, and my option I am selecting is that I will not preside over a case where there are any homosexual couples involved. I know "man's law" has deemed this type of lifestyle acceptable because people are "born that way"?! I don't believe that either. God made us in HIS image. God is NOT homosexual, in fact, He says this about homosexuality...
"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Genesis 1:27, 28
"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." Leviticus 18:22
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
"If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." Levitucus 20:13
After I stated my position on this situation, 2 other women said they agreed with me and 1 said that she would not accept a case like that either.
My goal is to protect the soul and eternity of every child I can and by giving them an average chance of coming to know the Lord, by not placing them in a home that is living in sin. As much as I want them to be loved here on earth and treasured as every child should be, eternity is a much longer spell. I do beleive it is in the best interest of a child to place them with a mom and a dad and prayfully, in a Christian home. THAT is in every child's best interest.
Another point I had was children in foster care, remove from their homes for chaos, abuse, neglect, and then placed with a homosexual couple. Does that stop the chaos? Will kids not make fun of that child that has 2 mommies or 2 daddies? Absolutely, and the chaos continues. Children that are removed from unthinkable situations should not be placed in homes that God says is an abomination. That is going from the unthinkable to the unthinkable.
I heard that 2 men adopted 3 little girls (siblings), but how are 2 men going to teach 3 little girls how to grow up to be moral and responsible young women? Little girls need a mommy & a daddy and little boys need a daddy and a mommy. Yes, I am aware that every child doesn't have that luxury, and does it make their life wrong? No, I was raised without a father, by his choice, and yes, I did think I missed out but my life was good, better than it ever would have been with him in my life. His absence DID affect my life in many negative ways but I am a bigger person than his comments or hatefulness. I had positive male role models and I was very sheltered from the sin of the world, but eventually you see it all.
Sitting a child on the front row seat at a porn show would be unthinkable, but placing them in an immoral home is no different, they are seeing and believing things that are not right or moral.
I love children enough to speak up for them and the bible is my first instruction manual in making that decision. If this is not for me, time will tell, but I beleive that my consciounce and my moral beliefs should be respected, as I do others, but when children are concerned, we have to think longer, not just tomorrow but next year and 100 years down the line.
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