It has been a while since I blogged. I just haven't been into it and truly had nothing to say. I also have been fully reprimanded (Thanks Janet) and will try to do a better job.
After 3 weeks with my PICC line in, it was removed. The doctor thought I could hold my own and we need to see what the degree of malabsorption I am going to have. There are options and I am fighting to keep my protein levels up. I feel like I eat ALL day! I keep protein all around me; protein bars, nuts, beef jerky, peanut butter, and protein powder. I have found an amazing protein powder that is good but it is also a tad bit pricey. But trying to choke something down that I hate is also a waste of money, so spending the money on something I like is worth the cost. So, should I sign up to distribute? That is the question. I have so much to think about.
This weekend was Ladies Retreat 2011 and what an amazing weekend it was. I often wonder why we only do this once a year, because it such a wonderful weekend. I backed out twice because my week was very burdened and emotional, but I needed to be there because the subject was "Carrying each other's burdens." WOW, this is something I needed. I listened and believe that we all at Johnson Street are there for each other and we do carry each other's burdens. Our biggest problem is that most of us don't ask because we don't want to burden others with our burdens. I am the worlds worst, because I have a very hard time turning over my burden to another, even Christ. But I am depriving my sisters and brothers of the priveledge of helping me to carry my burdens. I want to carry theirs and all of mine. But I can't and I realize that.
I got to room with one of my best friends. I truly enjoyed the time that we spent together and the time we had talking. We both stay so busy with the going ons of our children and we miss out on girl time. I hope to fix that soon too because we need girl time to talk and laugh. Although we love our husbands and kiddos we still need our girl time. I had every intention of having talks with two people, one was an acquaintance that feels I have wronged her, and one was a friend that made a mistake and hurt me. She immediately asked for forgiveness and it was immediately granted but it still doesn't make it hurt any less. I needed some time to process and gain my composure and then she and I planned to talk. It was a good talk although it was very hard to come by, and interruptions were many, and excused, but confidentiality was at the foremost of both of our minds. I feel so much better talking to her. I needed her to understand and her confiding in another mutual friend of ours who confirmed that my feelings were the same that she would feel and was right on target helped her to understand. We all have different things that trigger our emotions and knowing what those are helps us to be better friends. You expect things from some and never expect it from others. I NEVER saw that coming so it hurt equally hard. Too often I allow people to hurt me and I carry that burden but I couldn't this time because our relationship is very important to me, I love my friend, I trust my friend and I need my friend. Friendships are hard to come by, true relationships, and I am not willing to throw any away for 1 mistake. To my friend, thank you for talking and thank you for understanding, I love you!
I remember growing up, we always had people over for Sunday lunch and we used to do that all the time and I loved it. I admit, I got very discouraged when I was turned down repeatedly, but there are those that would love to come over and I was just asking the wrong people. I want to start doing this again and getting to know my church family better, one at a time. They are amazing, they are strong, they are weak, they love, they give, they share, and we are all sinners and we are all in need of forgiveness. We all disappoint each other, and we all forgive and we all love. That is how God wants it and that is who we strive to please.
I weigh in tomorrow, after missing last weekend. So as of 2 weeks ago, I had lost 65 pounds. I am curious as to the numbers now but I don't obsess about it. I can't and I won't.
I look forward to worship every Sunday. I can't imagine being anywhere else. I love hearing Randy and Brandon preach, they keep my attention and they make me think. If you imagine that they are preaching directly at you, you get so much more out of the lesson. That can be good and that can be bad. It can make you question eeverything you are about and it can make you doubt yourself, but it can also reinforce that God loves me and God loves you and He knows we are gonna mess up and He will fogive us if we ask. I always need to check and double check myself. I always need to make sure that I am serving my Christian family and helping to carry their burdens.
Until next post...
