Yesterday, while my honey and baby went to help a good friend, Gene move into her new apartment, I dove head first in our closet. WOW! Was it ever overwhelming. Why on earth do we all keep STUFF? I have clothes that I have not worn in 4 years. Clothes I NEVER want to wear again. Those are the clothes I wore 4 years ago that were 3X and 4X. So, it is time to get rid of them once and for all and get back to the business of getting more weight off. Going back to where I had the best luck, at Weight Watchers. 70 lbs. gone before getting into my pit of despair but luckily I have not put much of that back on. So closet is done and now on to other things. Although while cleaning out the closet we cam across things, things that were Zach's, baby blankets, pictures, book and clothes, so I got down a large suitcase and started filling in with Zach's stuff. Since Brayden can have 2 checked baggage's, one will be filled with Zach's stuff. His Barney neach towel, his Winnie the Pooh blankie that was stitched and stitched with much love. Blankets and bibs that were cross stitches and hand quilted for him and now he can put them up for when he has children some day.
My little blond hair, freckled face kiddo wanted a shock effect on his hair. He wanted to color it jet black. I agreed that he could do it, I mean it is not like tattoos or piercings. So we agreed it would only be temporary, and wash out in about 10 washings and the color was added. Well, his hair has never had chemicals on it so it was very resistant but it is a nice shade of brown, matches his freckles perfectly!
Sunday is my most favorite day of the week. Worship and fellowship and just love Sundays. Well, this Sunday did not like me back. Not too many days of the week that I don't like but Mondays are sad for me, because I don't see my hubby until the weekends, but I am very grateful that he has a good job and so my selfishness must stay inside and I must deal with it.
I am always the first one up on Sundays and get in the shower, so I did what I do. I am really particular about my oral hygiene but love being completely clean out of the shower, including my teeth. I floss, then rinse with peroxide (to kill all those nasty germs) and then brush, brush, brush. It is usually the last thing I do, and then rinse with the microphone, err, I mean shower head. It is kinda like a water pik and feels so good.Anyways, while going through the rinse cycle, my left foot slipped and trying to catch myself, my right foot went forward and my left leg went back. Now, don't be thinking that I did the splits, because my shower is not long enough because it has 2 built in seats at each end, wall and glass doors on the outside. My left leg bent backwards and my weight came down on that knee, my bad knee, and kind of hurt. Well, I just sat there a few although it was very loud and prayed. I was thankful that I didn't hit my head or go through the glass doors. Now a plan of attack for getting out of this shower. Glass doors just offer no options to maneuver, that is the down side! I don't know how long I sat there with the water running on me but I was trying to figure it out when JB came in. Probably gonna ask if I was going to use ALL the hot water. :o) JB got very upset and wanted to know why I didn't call him. I don't know, it is just my problem for me to figure out myself! Thankfully, his help was greatly appreciated. Now my adrenalin is in high gear and I told JB I was going to go to church, thing was, I couldn't walk. I haven't been able to walk right in many years but the pain was pretty strong.
After much prodding, I gave in thinking I do need to go see what I have done to this knee. Stupid me and I was so embarrassed! What happened? Uh, I was stupid and slipped in the shower, and being 41 years before I ever did that was a great feat! Never used crutches either...HATE them! No fractures, just a really ugly xray of a knee in need of much! The burning is what bothers me. On the top of my left knee cap, it burns. My best friends have become ice pack 1 and ice pack 2. Ice pack 1 ties around my leg and ice pack 2 is one of the old fashioned 'bladder style' pack! I love those kinds.
I went to church this evening, after waking with a vicotin headache. I needed to be at the Lord's house once today. Not a fan of narcotic pain medications, they make me feel like I am crazy! No comments from the peanut gallery either! I really wanted my invisibility cloak, you know, the one like Harry Potter has? Would have been perfect for me! Enjoyed service with the young men leading. They did an outstanding job! Then we went to Wendy's with the group, but I just could not sit that long and asked to come home. I am very sorry guys! I love fellowship with all of them, but the pain was mightier than the conversation tonight! Now to sit, which I don't do very well when there are a million things left to do around here!
One more day of my holiday so I am praying that I wake up feeling wonderful, or at least less pain. Bruises are now popping up and such lovely colors. Have an amazing Memorial Day and thanks to all who defend our country and all who have given their lives for freedom. No greater love than for one to lay down his life for another, just as Christ did for us. I love you Zachary and I am so proud of you!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
And now I must finish my thoughts...
Well, I must say that I am surprised Joanna was reading my blog. HA! Anyways, Zach and Joanna, I love and miss ya'll very much! Joanna, do you have a blog, because if you do, I should keep up with it because my son tells me nothing that is going on. I am lost and in the deep blue sea!
We had a family night which have been few and far between. Brayden chose everything and he wanted to eat at Luigi's and go see "Letters to Juliet". Dinner was wonderful and the company was even more wonderful. Me and my two guys, since the 3rd had to run off and get married! The movie was really good. I am so out of the movie loop that I have no clue what is showing. This movie was a good, clean movie. Tomorrow will prove to be a busy and hopefully productive day. JB and Brayden are helping a friend move into her new apartment and I will tackle our closet. I think the guys have the safest job tomorrow. Our closet and Brayden's room are on the menu for tomorrow.
We went over Brayden's summer schedule with him. The good, the bad and the ugly! I am so glad that his summer plans are intact. Brayden started out this school year and did not start out on the right foot. His grades were very lacking. He had a failing grade every six weeks. Enough was finally enough, because I know what he is capable of. I was busy working out things in my head and I felt very neglectful of him. I had to make a statement to get my point across. I suggested that he discuss all his grades with Zach. He doesn't ever want to tell his brother that his grades are low because he knows what Zach expects of him. I also spoke to a good friend, Randy, and asked him to talk to him. Well, he did. He told him that he thought it was a wonderful idea for him to be failing school and he was so excited that someone he knew would be living on the street and in a cardboard box because so many people need to hear the word of God out there and since Brayden would be living on the street he could preach to them.Now, if you ask Randy, he will say that is what turned Brayden around, and I might give him a little credit...NOT!
Each 6 weeks, I would ground Brayden from something, just one something. Well, I had enough and grounded Brayden from life. He could eat, breathe, shower and do school work. No cell phone, no TV, noWii , no computer, no overnights with friends and no friends over. No fun! Mean 'ole mom was trying to make a statement.
This 'punishment' turned into a blessing. Brayden didn't die without his cell phone, and came less dependent on it and texting. But we got closer as a family. Instead of everyone being at the computers or in front of the TV we talked and laughed and wrestled. We played games and did things outside and played with the dogs and just spent time without the technology of the world that plagues our existence.
I pride myself on knowing my children. I had children to BE with my children. Not to send them here and there and have a nanny and take all my vacations separate from them, but to spend the next 18 + years WITH them. I have had people tell me to take some vacations without my kids. But why? I love being with them and I love watching their reaction to new things. Seeing their faces and watching them become enlightened with things is what makes me happy. I get joy from watching my children experience new things. I have a friend who says, "we are lucky because my children have always spent time with both of our parents". They have always gotten them for the weekends and taken them on vacations. Well, I would never deny my parents the pleasure of spending time with my boys. They are amazing and they are what they are because of their grandparents. Grandparents are so important in a child's life and there is so much love between the boys and the grandparents. I am very proud of my boys and I will share them with the people that love them most. They are very blessed to have the relationships with each other.
But through all of this, Brayden has pulled his grades UP. 90% of his grades are now high A's and he has figured out that he is capable of this. He is found a new confidence in himself. He wants to be able to tell his brother that he has A's. This brings me to another subject. Brotherly love. I have been amazed at the love between my two boys. I don't know if it is because they are 7 years apart and didn't fight like close age siblings. Zachary wanted a sibling for so long and when we were finally blessed with Brayden, we knew it would just be the two boys. We were so happy that Brayden was healthy and full term and finalized our family. Zachary adored Brayden and was always so sweet to him. Brayden in turn adored Zach. Since Zach has joined the Air Force, Brayden is such a joy and such wonderful company. We act so retarded sometimes and we just love to laugh. What is life about if you aren't laughing? Two wonderful boys, two kind hearted boys, two boys that love the Lord. What more could a mother ask for? For these children I prayed, and continue to pray and thank the Lord for such a wonderful blessing. Thank you Lord.
We had a family night which have been few and far between. Brayden chose everything and he wanted to eat at Luigi's and go see "Letters to Juliet". Dinner was wonderful and the company was even more wonderful. Me and my two guys, since the 3rd had to run off and get married! The movie was really good. I am so out of the movie loop that I have no clue what is showing. This movie was a good, clean movie. Tomorrow will prove to be a busy and hopefully productive day. JB and Brayden are helping a friend move into her new apartment and I will tackle our closet. I think the guys have the safest job tomorrow. Our closet and Brayden's room are on the menu for tomorrow.
We went over Brayden's summer schedule with him. The good, the bad and the ugly! I am so glad that his summer plans are intact. Brayden started out this school year and did not start out on the right foot. His grades were very lacking. He had a failing grade every six weeks. Enough was finally enough, because I know what he is capable of. I was busy working out things in my head and I felt very neglectful of him. I had to make a statement to get my point across. I suggested that he discuss all his grades with Zach. He doesn't ever want to tell his brother that his grades are low because he knows what Zach expects of him. I also spoke to a good friend, Randy, and asked him to talk to him. Well, he did. He told him that he thought it was a wonderful idea for him to be failing school and he was so excited that someone he knew would be living on the street and in a cardboard box because so many people need to hear the word of God out there and since Brayden would be living on the street he could preach to them.Now, if you ask Randy, he will say that is what turned Brayden around, and I might give him a little credit...NOT!
Each 6 weeks, I would ground Brayden from something, just one something. Well, I had enough and grounded Brayden from life. He could eat, breathe, shower and do school work. No cell phone, no TV, no
This 'punishment' turned into a blessing. Brayden didn't die without his cell phone, and came less dependent on it and texting. But we got closer as a family. Instead of everyone being at the computers or in front of the TV we talked and laughed and wrestled. We played games and did things outside and played with the dogs and just spent time without the technology of the world that plagues our existence.
I pride myself on knowing my children. I had children to BE with my children. Not to send them here and there and have a nanny and take all my vacations separate from them, but to spend the next 18 + years WITH them. I have had people tell me to take some vacations without my kids. But why? I love being with them and I love watching their reaction to new things. Seeing their faces and watching them become enlightened with things is what makes me happy. I get joy from watching my children experience new things. I have a friend who says, "we are lucky because my children have always spent time with both of our parents". They have always gotten them for the weekends and taken them on vacations. Well, I would never deny my parents the pleasure of spending time with my boys. They are amazing and they are what they are because of their grandparents. Grandparents are so important in a child's life and there is so much love between the boys and the grandparents. I am very proud of my boys and I will share them with the people that love them most. They are very blessed to have the relationships with each other.
But through all of this, Brayden has pulled his grades UP. 90% of his grades are now high A's and he has figured out that he is capable of this. He is found a new confidence in himself. He wants to be able to tell his brother that he has A's. This brings me to another subject. Brotherly love. I have been amazed at the love between my two boys. I don't know if it is because they are 7 years apart and didn't fight like close age siblings. Zachary wanted a sibling for so long and when we were finally blessed with Brayden, we knew it would just be the two boys. We were so happy that Brayden was healthy and full term and finalized our family. Zachary adored Brayden and was always so sweet to him. Brayden in turn adored Zach. Since Zach has joined the Air Force, Brayden is such a joy and such wonderful company. We act so retarded sometimes and we just love to laugh. What is life about if you aren't laughing? Two wonderful boys, two kind hearted boys, two boys that love the Lord. What more could a mother ask for? For these children I prayed, and continue to pray and thank the Lord for such a wonderful blessing. Thank you Lord.
Everything happens for a reason...I guess!
I have heard it said to "not look a gift horse in the mouth". Now, it makes no sense to me because I have never gotten a gift from a horse or seen a 'gift horse'. But I know that it means, don't question a gift, and if something good happens, don't question it.
Something really good happened and makes me glad I chose Phoenix Charter School for my son. I cannot go into details but lets just say that the principal really made Brayden's summer. Brayden has a learning disability in reading but we have taught him that that is no excuse, he must work harder. A disability doesn't mean he can't do something, it just means he will have to fight harder, work longer and take more time to think through what he wants to accomplish. You are only unable to do what you believe you cannot do! Now with that said, Brayden is in full swing for his summer activities. He is going to NETSYS with his youth group and will see all his camp friends every Monday night for the rest of the summer. Then he is working the VBS program this year. Last year he was part of the VBS and this year he will help. And then he is going to Utah to spend 2 whole weeks with his brother and sister-in-law! He is so excited about that and has been counting the days since HE purchased his round trip ticket. I am so excited (a bit jealous!) but Brayden has never flown on an airplane so this will truly be an adventure for him.
My blessings are so numerous and I feel so undeserving of them. I cannot remember when I was happier. Even though there are struggles that come up, we are happy. We both really like our jobs and our co-workers. We are working hard to re-build our finances and to re-structure our lives. Life is good. Life will be better. Our church family is so incredible and our family is so amazing. Everything in it's place.
Something really good happened and makes me glad I chose Phoenix Charter School for my son. I cannot go into details but lets just say that the principal really made Brayden's summer. Brayden has a learning disability in reading but we have taught him that that is no excuse, he must work harder. A disability doesn't mean he can't do something, it just means he will have to fight harder, work longer and take more time to think through what he wants to accomplish. You are only unable to do what you believe you cannot do! Now with that said, Brayden is in full swing for his summer activities. He is going to NETSYS with his youth group and will see all his camp friends every Monday night for the rest of the summer. Then he is working the VBS program this year. Last year he was part of the VBS and this year he will help. And then he is going to Utah to spend 2 whole weeks with his brother and sister-in-law! He is so excited about that and has been counting the days since HE purchased his round trip ticket. I am so excited (a bit jealous!) but Brayden has never flown on an airplane so this will truly be an adventure for him.
My blessings are so numerous and I feel so undeserving of them. I cannot remember when I was happier. Even though there are struggles that come up, we are happy. We both really like our jobs and our co-workers. We are working hard to re-build our finances and to re-structure our lives. Life is good. Life will be better. Our church family is so incredible and our family is so amazing. Everything in it's place.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Reaffirmation....
I guess you are wondering about the title there. Well, my husband and I have been talking a lot lately about what we want with our lives and it doesn't not seem like we are on the right path. The things we want to be able to do are not getting done to our satisfaction and there is one HUGE obstacle that stands in our way. Finances...we are living way above our means and when an emergency (car repairs, camp money, surgery, TAXES) come up we are stuck squeezing or trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. When JB's company shuts down for a month without pay, it takes us months to catch up. This is NOT living. So, what would be our options? We could both find other jobs that pay better. This one has been vetoed because we both enjoy our jobs and working in an unhappy work environment would be counter productive. Job happiness and satisfaction are a priority. There is no flex there.
I think the hardest thing for me is when a friend is in trouble, I want to be able to help in any way I can. Currently I cannot help out financially. I don't tithe at the church like I want to. And I want to be able to go see my children in Utah. I can't be cause of finances. We have 3 vehicles that need repairs and we rely on our vehicles to get to work to support our family. This is a priority.
My reaffirmation was in the lesson today when Randy spoke of what we need to do as a church and what we need to do as a Christian. He briefly spoke about financial issues, and dwelling on them. I have dwelt for almost 5 years on this and I finally have some peace about the changes we have decided to make with our financial situation. I need to be wiser with my finances and I need to stop living above my means. I need to stop worrying about making sure my family is happy with material things and we need to think about this more. Why do I work so hard for a home with a high mortgage? My whole monthly paycheck goes to it. I have never been materialistic, I don't have to impress people with my things. If I am not good enough, than so be it. I am only worried about impressing God. He is my Rock.
I love my house, it is perfect for us, but it is hard to make. It does NOT make me happy, my family and my friends do. I love people more than this house and I want to put more into teaching people the love of God. It is clean out at our house, yes, my men hate me right now. I get in this mood where I cannot stand clutter, and stuff being stored and stored and just sitting. I want it gone. Why do I keep things? I have clothes that I wore at my largest; size 3X, 4X and 5X, that I need to ebay and get rid of them. I NEVER want to wear them again, but just have not found the time to group them and list them and GET RID OF THEM.
I am a sentimental person though. I love things from people that have meaning. My grandparents things, my Precious Moment collection of my marriage and children growing up. I can tell you where and who each figurine came from and what occasion I received it. I have a figurine in my office from my sweet friend, Krista and her family and it says "thank you". It is a Willow Tree Angel figure and I love it because it came from them. My first office gift. And I have a teddy bear that says "you are loved" from Sam and I love it too because it came from Sam. Sentimental because someone put some thought into it for me. But all the other stuff is just stuff, and I don't need to store it. So we are down sizing, and taking care of business like we should have been doing the last 22 years. Never too late to "wise up".
I am also trying to learn that just because something is important to me, does not mean it is important to someone else. I very much try to communicate and be effective at it, but obviously I fail greatly at this. I can communicate all day long but if it is not received like it is meant, it is useless. Working on this daily.
My treasure is my family and my friends, which both categorized include my church family. I love them and treasure them. I can honestly say that in all my travels and the church families we have had, this family is the dearest to my heart. Now we have had some great churches, but either it is this time in my life or I just needed this family, I am really hooked. We had a church family in Alaska, wow, now that was family. We met in a small log cabin church and did everything together, vacations, meals, tasks, everything, just like we do at Johnson street.
I started this to say that we are truly working on working for the Lord, and we want to make the changes in our lives, as hard as it will be to work toward this goal and free up more finances to be productive in His kingdom.
I think the hardest thing for me is when a friend is in trouble, I want to be able to help in any way I can. Currently I cannot help out financially. I don't tithe at the church like I want to. And I want to be able to go see my children in Utah. I can't be cause of finances. We have 3 vehicles that need repairs and we rely on our vehicles to get to work to support our family. This is a priority.
My reaffirmation was in the lesson today when Randy spoke of what we need to do as a church and what we need to do as a Christian. He briefly spoke about financial issues, and dwelling on them. I have dwelt for almost 5 years on this and I finally have some peace about the changes we have decided to make with our financial situation. I need to be wiser with my finances and I need to stop living above my means. I need to stop worrying about making sure my family is happy with material things and we need to think about this more. Why do I work so hard for a home with a high mortgage? My whole monthly paycheck goes to it. I have never been materialistic, I don't have to impress people with my things. If I am not good enough, than so be it. I am only worried about impressing God. He is my Rock.
I love my house, it is perfect for us, but it is hard to make. It does NOT make me happy, my family and my friends do. I love people more than this house and I want to put more into teaching people the love of God. It is clean out at our house, yes, my men hate me right now. I get in this mood where I cannot stand clutter, and stuff being stored and stored and just sitting. I want it gone. Why do I keep things? I have clothes that I wore at my largest; size 3X, 4X and 5X, that I need to ebay and get rid of them. I NEVER want to wear them again, but just have not found the time to group them and list them and GET RID OF THEM.
I am a sentimental person though. I love things from people that have meaning. My grandparents things, my Precious Moment collection of my marriage and children growing up. I can tell you where and who each figurine came from and what occasion I received it. I have a figurine in my office from my sweet friend, Krista and her family and it says "thank you". It is a Willow Tree Angel figure and I love it because it came from them. My first office gift. And I have a teddy bear that says "you are loved" from Sam and I love it too because it came from Sam. Sentimental because someone put some thought into it for me. But all the other stuff is just stuff, and I don't need to store it. So we are down sizing, and taking care of business like we should have been doing the last 22 years. Never too late to "wise up".
I am also trying to learn that just because something is important to me, does not mean it is important to someone else. I very much try to communicate and be effective at it, but obviously I fail greatly at this. I can communicate all day long but if it is not received like it is meant, it is useless. Working on this daily.
My treasure is my family and my friends, which both categorized include my church family. I love them and treasure them. I can honestly say that in all my travels and the church families we have had, this family is the dearest to my heart. Now we have had some great churches, but either it is this time in my life or I just needed this family, I am really hooked. We had a church family in Alaska, wow, now that was family. We met in a small log cabin church and did everything together, vacations, meals, tasks, everything, just like we do at Johnson street.
I started this to say that we are truly working on working for the Lord, and we want to make the changes in our lives, as hard as it will be to work toward this goal and free up more finances to be productive in His kingdom.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
It just keeps getting more and more...
I feel like I have finally moved past the worst of this depression but yet still find things depressing. I find that when you start doing something 'to be nice', that it then becomes your job and is expected which creates a bigger work load. This is why our workload has expanded so much, because I am willing and confident to help out, but it then becomes MY responsibility. In an attempt to stay busy, I have created a monster. This is not small one time favors but daily and weekly things that someone else doesn't want to do anymore. Well, things need to be done so I take it on.
Healing is what I am doing. I have started writing, and think I will dub the rambling as "I think my emotional baggage just got on the wrong train". My beginnings are about what little girls need from their daddy's. Not that I am the expert but I know what I wanted and what I saw others have from their daddy's. It saddens me that men think that they can walk away from their children and women play games with the fathers of their children. It is NOT a game! It is very destructive.
There are a couple older men in my life that if God gave me the choice, I would have picked them as my father. Their children are very blessed. But still my life is my life and I have what I have.
Healing is what I am doing. I have started writing, and think I will dub the rambling as "I think my emotional baggage just got on the wrong train". My beginnings are about what little girls need from their daddy's. Not that I am the expert but I know what I wanted and what I saw others have from their daddy's. It saddens me that men think that they can walk away from their children and women play games with the fathers of their children. It is NOT a game! It is very destructive.
There are a couple older men in my life that if God gave me the choice, I would have picked them as my father. Their children are very blessed. But still my life is my life and I have what I have.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
My Childhood and a House
When I think of my childhood, one thing remains to the forefront although it is not the most important part of my childhood. My childhood house is always at the center of my memories. We lived in a house in Michagan when my parents were still together, and when we moved to Texas we lived in, I believe 2 apartments. The one I remember we lived in before the house was a 3 bedroom, roomy, and mom & I shared one room, grams & gramps another and my brother & uncle Kenny in the 3rd. I remember those apartments had an older boy that would always try to corner me, until he finally did. I was very glad to move out of there and into the house. The back yard was huge and the mean boy was not here.
So, from the middle of the 1st grade until I married, my address was 1405 Buena Vista, Mesquite, TX 75149 and my phone number was always 285-1108. That was before the time of having to dial area codes. Yes, it is dating me, but it is my life and dated it will be! I went to Hanby Elementary for Kindergarten and 1/2 of 1st grade. Our street was the dividing line for schools. On Buena Vista you went to Tisinger Elementary and Alta Vista, you went to Hanby Elementary. So, we moved schools.
It was at Tisinger that I met my best friend and the best part was that she lived across the street from me! We were in every class together until 6th grade.Our summers were spent outside and driving into the street today, I can remember us running barefoot in the streets just after the rain and the water running by the curb was our river. We made lots of paper and wooden 'boats' to float and run and follow. We climbed trees and jumped on trampolines and swan A LOT after my grandparents put in our swimming pool. We would gather by the patio door and sit and watch the people putting the pool in and anticipate it getting done. It seemed like it took forever to fill the pool up with the garden hose, but it was finally ready and that is where the majority of my childhood took place.
So heading into Mesquite today, Brayden learned that his new phone could not show youtube videos all the way to Mesquite and sustain the battery.
When we arrived to the house, the only residents that still remain at 1405 Buena Vista were there. And greatly offended that we were disturbing them. Daffy, Daisey and Doofus Duck. My grandfather strongly disliked them taking up house in his shed and residing most of the time in the pool. He would say, "those stupid ducks are pooping in my pool". I tried to convince him to put on of those signs out that said, " OOL, notice there is not P in our pool, let's keep it that way!" He said something about ducks not being able to read, but oh, gramps, they can read you and love to get your feathers ruffled!
It was a very sad day, going into my home but it was not my home anymore. Without the furniture and pictures and especially the people, what made the home so special has passed away with them. It was the ending of a era for me. Closure was in order but I never thought it would be so hard to say goodbye. Curtains are still on the windows and the only left to be picked up is 2 microwaves. I just didn't think the house would belong to anyone except us. My grandparents bought the house for, I believe $16,OOO. What an investment and gathering place for many years for family. Children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Friends and church family frequented this home. I thought I would share the pictures with anyone interested.
So, from the middle of the 1st grade until I married, my address was 1405 Buena Vista, Mesquite, TX 75149 and my phone number was always 285-1108. That was before the time of having to dial area codes. Yes, it is dating me, but it is my life and dated it will be! I went to Hanby Elementary for Kindergarten and 1/2 of 1st grade. Our street was the dividing line for schools. On Buena Vista you went to Tisinger Elementary and Alta Vista, you went to Hanby Elementary. So, we moved schools.
It was at Tisinger that I met my best friend and the best part was that she lived across the street from me! We were in every class together until 6th grade.Our summers were spent outside and driving into the street today, I can remember us running barefoot in the streets just after the rain and the water running by the curb was our river. We made lots of paper and wooden 'boats' to float and run and follow. We climbed trees and jumped on trampolines and swan A LOT after my grandparents put in our swimming pool. We would gather by the patio door and sit and watch the people putting the pool in and anticipate it getting done. It seemed like it took forever to fill the pool up with the garden hose, but it was finally ready and that is where the majority of my childhood took place.
So heading into Mesquite today, Brayden learned that his new phone could not show youtube videos all the way to Mesquite and sustain the battery.
When we arrived to the house, the only residents that still remain at 1405 Buena Vista were there. And greatly offended that we were disturbing them. Daffy, Daisey and Doofus Duck. My grandfather strongly disliked them taking up house in his shed and residing most of the time in the pool. He would say, "those stupid ducks are pooping in my pool". I tried to convince him to put on of those signs out that said, " OOL, notice there is not P in our pool, let's keep it that way!" He said something about ducks not being able to read, but oh, gramps, they can read you and love to get your feathers ruffled!
It was a very sad day, going into my home but it was not my home anymore. Without the furniture and pictures and especially the people, what made the home so special has passed away with them. It was the ending of a era for me. Closure was in order but I never thought it would be so hard to say goodbye. Curtains are still on the windows and the only left to be picked up is 2 microwaves. I just didn't think the house would belong to anyone except us. My grandparents bought the house for, I believe $16,OOO. What an investment and gathering place for many years for family. Children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Friends and church family frequented this home. I thought I would share the pictures with anyone interested.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Thinking back in time...
I am so excited! My cousin, Marcy is coming to visit this month after 7 years of being in Washington. Our time will be limited, but each minute will be precious. Marcy is my younger cousin, by a whole 4 months. She and I were almost inseparable as kids. We spent as much time as we could, with her living in Richardson and me in Mesquite.As young children we were always dressed alike, like twins and were always asked if we were twins. We loved it. She and I have been talking about childhood memories since our gramps passed away. We would have tea parties at the bottom of the swimming pool and 'try' to have conversations at these tea parties while our butts would float to the top of the water. It was so funny and so fun! Gymnastics were always the name of our game and I could only be better than Marcy when she would be down with two broken legs from trying to do her gymnastics on the railing over a bridge, and her balance was not the greatest that day. We did sit ups on the side of the swimming pool and every different position going down our spiral slide. Diving competitions were always in order as well as flips, jack knives, the occasional back busters! The boys always had to challenge us. But when it was just us, we enjoyed laying out on the trampoline watching the stars and talking, eating honey suckles across the street at the Church of Christ, barbies and puzzles.
One Christmas we set out to complete a candy puzzle. It was like Halloween candy dumped in a pile and was so hard! But we did it, working night and day, sleeping, talking and puzzling. One trip we took to Emerald Isle, North Carolina, one of the most beautiful places we went to, we took 'sexy' pictures in our room. Marcy had long, beautiful legs and I had these short, pathetic legs. Very un-sexy! Oh the things we talked about while traveling in her family's Cadillac. We sat facing each other on the floor with our feet towards each other over the hum, because the seats were Armour All'd and we would slide everywhere when the car turned. So we always took up shop in the floor. We drew and wrote our latest crushes names on paper. "Farland's Darlin" and "Jimbo's Bimbo". Yes, I know but what rhythms with Jimbo? I can't even remember who Marcy wrote down, but I didn't date a whole lot and have only a handful of boyfriends.
Sheltered would have been a good word for me. I had boyfriends but they would break up when I wouldn't kiss or do what they wanted. Boys were yucky and they did NOT have good oral hygiene and I was obsessed with oral hygiene and still am. (ask my husband about that obsession!) Raised in a very strict household, I was taught the finer parts of life, according to the teachers. Shorts were not allowed for a long time and were eventually allowed if to the knees. I practiced and had try-outs for majorette (You know band baton twirler) and made it but was not allowed to continue because the costumes were inappropriate. I played the flute and loved band. In high school I was on the flag corp and even played drums my freshman year because they had too many flutes. I played these HUGE, heavy cymbals! It was terrible! Marching with those things was tiring. Being part of the "Mighty Maroon Band' under the direction of the perfectionist band director was fun and hard, but it made us strive to be better than our best and NO ONE wanted him to get angry.
Getting back to Marcy. We did so much together within the youth group at Mesquite Church of Christ. Canoe trip was a blast when we tied our canoe to the canoe of two boys, one of whom Marcy was dating and the other was my youth group crush. I went with our youth group on a ski trip to Breckenridge, CO and a mission trip to LaJolla, California to put on a VBS for the local church. It was so much fun. But the best part of all of that is the friends I had in the Mesquite Youth group, I still have. We are still in contact and I have helped raise some of their children in my day care/preschool in Mesquite. My best friends of my youth are still my best friends of my adult life and some more have been added. Marcy was a big part of my youth group, when she came to stay with us. Life was good.
Life is good. Fast forward to today...There are many things that I am guilty of and poor choices to ask forgiveness for. I love to laugh. I love being happy. I love to joke and I love people. I try so very hard to not ever judge anyone. We are all flawed and we are all imperfect. Some of us have been through things that others have not been through, and some of those things have tempted to destroy. I want more than anything to rewind, about 6 months and make a different choice. How can you have resolution when you can't trust another person with your struggle? Sometimes it feels like there are only road blocks in the progression of my resolution to heal. It totally feels like this was meant to destroy me. I try so hard to cover and hide the pain in my heart and do well most of the time but I don't like the game. I want to have resolution and I want to have closure and I want to stop feeling like the band-aid keeps getting ripped off, exposing raw heart and soul.
My choice to trust has come with a very high price. Misplaced trust, misunderstood trust and misguided trust. I have never felt such betrayal and being taken advantage of. Trusting those with my pain, expecting the help I need and being left to finish this nightmare by myself. Scared? Yes, very. I just want resolution. I am done talking about it, the events and the choices, but I want to feel like I can move on and know that God will go with me. I am SO afraid of telling anyone, ever. Judgments, guilt, blame. I am actually stunned at my choice of a trusted friend. I have never trusted men, never had a reason to, other than my husband. My perceptions of men are that they will leave, hurt, make excuses and be untrustworthy. I feel myself wanting to trust men more, because I have met men that deserve my trust. They already have my respect and admiration, and slowly they are gaining my trust. I am learning what the "Father, Christ" can mean to my life in the context that I should know Him. Not as the unforgiving, just waiting till I screw up again, and 'fire and brimstone' God of my youth. I remember going to bed every night and praying, trying so hard to remember EVERY sin I might have committed that day and asking forgiveness for them and worrying that I forgot one and that if I died, I would go to hell for that one sin.
I heard a preacher preach that about 2 years ago and was very upset about it. When I was trying to teach my at-risk girls that God is forgiving, the message that they got that night was "one sin can keep you from heaven". Just the opposite of what I had been studying with them. The study was as much for me as it was for them. We were learning together. There is nothing I love more than studying the bible with someone. I don't know who learns more. I love young people and their uncanny wit.
So what do I want to accomplish? And do I have a plan? I want to bury this guilt, and bury this demon. Can I do it alone? Alone is not an option and seeking out another stranger is not an option either. Have I hit a dead-end? I hope not. I want to be back to the unassuming, carefree, and very good at hiding my pain person again. No one deserves this, but me. There are times that I look back and I think that maybe my life was not meant to be. What then?
I have a plan for a good many things. What is that song, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", but I know my intentions were the best. I will press on and I will fight and I hope to win before this beats me. Most days my thoughts are in the right place, and I know exactly what to do and where to go but today, I am tired and I am lost. I will pray that tomorrow brings peace again and other happy thoughts come into my heart. I love those that have been here for me and I truly appreciate and pray daily for all of my heart strings.
One Christmas we set out to complete a candy puzzle. It was like Halloween candy dumped in a pile and was so hard! But we did it, working night and day, sleeping, talking and puzzling. One trip we took to Emerald Isle, North Carolina, one of the most beautiful places we went to, we took 'sexy' pictures in our room. Marcy had long, beautiful legs and I had these short, pathetic legs. Very un-sexy! Oh the things we talked about while traveling in her family's Cadillac. We sat facing each other on the floor with our feet towards each other over the hum, because the seats were Armour All'd and we would slide everywhere when the car turned. So we always took up shop in the floor. We drew and wrote our latest crushes names on paper. "Farland's Darlin" and "Jimbo's Bimbo". Yes, I know but what rhythms with Jimbo? I can't even remember who Marcy wrote down, but I didn't date a whole lot and have only a handful of boyfriends.
Sheltered would have been a good word for me. I had boyfriends but they would break up when I wouldn't kiss or do what they wanted. Boys were yucky and they did NOT have good oral hygiene and I was obsessed with oral hygiene and still am. (ask my husband about that obsession!) Raised in a very strict household, I was taught the finer parts of life, according to the teachers. Shorts were not allowed for a long time and were eventually allowed if to the knees. I practiced and had try-outs for majorette (You know band baton twirler) and made it but was not allowed to continue because the costumes were inappropriate. I played the flute and loved band. In high school I was on the flag corp and even played drums my freshman year because they had too many flutes. I played these HUGE, heavy cymbals! It was terrible! Marching with those things was tiring. Being part of the "Mighty Maroon Band' under the direction of the perfectionist band director was fun and hard, but it made us strive to be better than our best and NO ONE wanted him to get angry.
Getting back to Marcy. We did so much together within the youth group at Mesquite Church of Christ. Canoe trip was a blast when we tied our canoe to the canoe of two boys, one of whom Marcy was dating and the other was my youth group crush. I went with our youth group on a ski trip to Breckenridge, CO and a mission trip to LaJolla, California to put on a VBS for the local church. It was so much fun. But the best part of all of that is the friends I had in the Mesquite Youth group, I still have. We are still in contact and I have helped raise some of their children in my day care/preschool in Mesquite. My best friends of my youth are still my best friends of my adult life and some more have been added. Marcy was a big part of my youth group, when she came to stay with us. Life was good.
Life is good. Fast forward to today...There are many things that I am guilty of and poor choices to ask forgiveness for. I love to laugh. I love being happy. I love to joke and I love people. I try so very hard to not ever judge anyone. We are all flawed and we are all imperfect. Some of us have been through things that others have not been through, and some of those things have tempted to destroy. I want more than anything to rewind, about 6 months and make a different choice. How can you have resolution when you can't trust another person with your struggle? Sometimes it feels like there are only road blocks in the progression of my resolution to heal. It totally feels like this was meant to destroy me. I try so hard to cover and hide the pain in my heart and do well most of the time but I don't like the game. I want to have resolution and I want to have closure and I want to stop feeling like the band-aid keeps getting ripped off, exposing raw heart and soul.
My choice to trust has come with a very high price. Misplaced trust, misunderstood trust and misguided trust. I have never felt such betrayal and being taken advantage of. Trusting those with my pain, expecting the help I need and being left to finish this nightmare by myself. Scared? Yes, very. I just want resolution. I am done talking about it, the events and the choices, but I want to feel like I can move on and know that God will go with me. I am SO afraid of telling anyone, ever. Judgments, guilt, blame. I am actually stunned at my choice of a trusted friend. I have never trusted men, never had a reason to, other than my husband. My perceptions of men are that they will leave, hurt, make excuses and be untrustworthy. I feel myself wanting to trust men more, because I have met men that deserve my trust. They already have my respect and admiration, and slowly they are gaining my trust. I am learning what the "Father, Christ" can mean to my life in the context that I should know Him. Not as the unforgiving, just waiting till I screw up again, and 'fire and brimstone' God of my youth. I remember going to bed every night and praying, trying so hard to remember EVERY sin I might have committed that day and asking forgiveness for them and worrying that I forgot one and that if I died, I would go to hell for that one sin.
I heard a preacher preach that about 2 years ago and was very upset about it. When I was trying to teach my at-risk girls that God is forgiving, the message that they got that night was "one sin can keep you from heaven". Just the opposite of what I had been studying with them. The study was as much for me as it was for them. We were learning together. There is nothing I love more than studying the bible with someone. I don't know who learns more. I love young people and their uncanny wit.
So what do I want to accomplish? And do I have a plan? I want to bury this guilt, and bury this demon. Can I do it alone? Alone is not an option and seeking out another stranger is not an option either. Have I hit a dead-end? I hope not. I want to be back to the unassuming, carefree, and very good at hiding my pain person again. No one deserves this, but me. There are times that I look back and I think that maybe my life was not meant to be. What then?
I have a plan for a good many things. What is that song, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", but I know my intentions were the best. I will press on and I will fight and I hope to win before this beats me. Most days my thoughts are in the right place, and I know exactly what to do and where to go but today, I am tired and I am lost. I will pray that tomorrow brings peace again and other happy thoughts come into my heart. I love those that have been here for me and I truly appreciate and pray daily for all of my heart strings.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)