It seems like forever since I blogged on here. There is never enough time in the day. Zachary left for basic training in February and is currently in Wichita Falls in tech school. He came home for the first time last weekend. He will come home this weekend too and it will be an extended stay until Monday! We are planning to go camping and he will spend all day Monday with his brother until he leaves at 4pm to head back for his GI party.
This week I have been posting a lot of pictures on Facebook of friends and family. They have generated many comments, from how crazy were we to I really miss that person. Missing people just becomes an ache that never goes away. It may dull for a while and then something reminds you again. I have a belief that we are on this earth to prepare for our eternity in heaven. I struggle with our family and friends that feel like material things are so important and makes you the person you are. Too many times America places so much importance on WHAT you have instead of who you are and WHAT you do for other people. It would be such a lonely existence if our reality was our perception of ourselves. Some people think that it is ALL about them and if they were in a world with just them, how would they feel? It is NOT about me and anyone that knows me, knows that I dislike public recognition. I have a job to do at work and in life and it is expected of me, not hoped for. I was raised with the belief that there will be a consequence for every behavior and I EXPECTED that consequence good or bad. Consequences for children is so important. They know they are loved by the lessons that you teach them and the lessons that they teach themselves. I loved a lot and I lost a lot. I learned the hard lesson that people you trust with your soul will betray you and will turn their backs on you before they ever know the truth. I learned that children will say anything to get any kind of attention and spend the rest of their lives trying to right the wrong that they caused. I learned that parents in America don't have a clue how to raise a healthy, normal, self-conscious child without letting their egos and desires tear up their families. I learned that my family is so strong and so loving that we can get through anything. On heart ache and pain, I could write a book, just from the lessons I have learned and continue to learn the last 3 years. I have always tried to operate my thinking and my thoughts on children through love first. How would you feel at that age if you were in the child's shoes? Had I worn the shoes of some of the children I have had the privilege of caring for, I might be in a padded institution. Breaking the cycle, is what must be taught. No parent is perfect and no human is above reproach. I am so afraid for America because our kids struggle to learn in school because the teachers don't have a lot of options when it comes to teaching. I also think we lack the common sense that parents need. Just because I was told to do something did not mean I would do it. Was it right? Was it moral? Was it in the best interest of that child? The best interest of the child. Now, that is a loaded phrase. If we don't teach our children now to work hard and not be slackers, or that they don't have to do anything unless there is something in it for them, what are we creating? I love children. I love babies! Their innocence and pure love is incredible. What happens to that? When do they figure out that the world is not all giggles and grins and that life hurts? I guess for every human there is a different time frame for them. Boundaries and obligations and being politically correct? When did we come up with all these words and throw out our common sense. When did we decide that to tell a child "I love you" was mis-leading and giving a false sense of life? When did a hug become a boundary issue and make you question yourself and the reason for that hug? I never thought of a hug as a bad thing. Hugs are the most amazing thing next to your relationship with Christ and your relationship with your spouse. There is no better feeling than to hug a friend. Some friends have the most amazing hugs. I was raised in a home where we hugged. My aunts are the greatest huggers in the world, and my mom, and they have all had much practice. I have thrown out the hang ups that I learned and am back to trying to love more. I can't answer for anyone but me and I know me and I know what I am made of. I know that I will love my husband until the day I die and I know my children are my heart and my soul. I know that my family is so strong that nothing can shake it and I know I still love all the people that betrayed me. I also know I never want to hurt a person the way I was hurt. I could never live with myself if my job was so important that I was willing to flex my morals and my beliefs and stomp on anyone's heart. People are important and people are worth saving. No job should ever make you question you. I have questioned myself many a time, and ultimately I know who I am and I thought the people I loved knew who I was too. Since you can't change the past or people, I will work on changing me. I will work on loving more and reaching out more to those that have less than me, especially those that do not have as many people around that love them as I do. And whether you want to love me or not, I WILL love you and I will pray for you as I do every night for the children that I have been blessed to have in my life. Don't waste a minute hating or being angry. Chalk it up for what it is, the devil working hard, and love like there is no tomorrow.
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