I have always dreamed of being able to go back to school. I always thought my honey would get his degree and a job to go with that degree and I could go to college full time. Even applying for the Pell Grant, beginning this is out of grasp, and is very frustrating. I can't explain how I felt today.
I have to go on with what is working, taking care of my family, contributing to our household budget, and keeping our heads above water. I may never have more that a high school diploma to show for, but I long to learn more. I love to have things to challenge my mind, and I love to stretch it above and have more knowledge than what I had yesterday. I have a full doctorate degree in the school of hard knocks but no one wants your knowledge when it is earned that way.
I would love classes to improve my job today as I have it. English and writing classes to have a better understanding or refresher of the proper use of the English language and sentence structure. Computer training to make working the programs easier, instead of going about things the long way. I can play long enough on a program and learn it fairly well, but if I don't use it often, it goes by the way side.
I would love to be able to begin writing, but I lack the confidence of my sentence structure and would like a larger thesaurus in my mental vocabulary. Just from life experiences and from thoughts in my mind, I have a wide array of things that I believe that I could write well about.
What I cannot change, is not to continue dwelling on, so I will put it on the back burner until something changes.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, help me stand...
After taking a sleeping pill and a Vicodin, I am wide awake; maybe they counter-acted each other but none the less I cannot sleep. I have many events that stand to be corrected and in my present physical state, I feel myself lacking in the energy to correct it.
I have completed every step needed to begin the courses of college again but have yet to register for a class. I have decided to take 2 classes this fall and have to make my way to the college to register for them. My plan was to do that Friday morning when this attack, or should we say the devil, reared it's ugly head. Sometimes I think there is always something trying to prevent me from pursuing this dream of mine. Tomorrow I shall attempt to get out to do this and have a little bit of sunshine on my face. Classes begin on Monday and this week is late registration.
I went through a training for 4 weeks to become a CASA volunteer. CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate, and I have accepted my first case. That too will be on my list of things to do while I am out tomorrow to prepare myself to return to work and the daily activities of life. It has not even been 72 hours since I had surgery but it feels like it has been weeks, the hours tick by so slowly and although I look for things to occupy my time, boredom creeps in and steals an hour of wasteful slumber.
There are some very funny things that happen when you have surgery or are under the effects of lasing general anesthetic. The dreams that I have had and the dreams that still come are that of which you don't repeat for fear of being locked inside a soft and cushy room with all but one tiny window. They make no sense and run together things that don't belong together. While I was under the effects of a strong IV pain medication, I indicated that our youth minister was in the hallway delivering pizzas. When my husband questioned me; speaking to him as if HE were the crazy one, I said "what, you don't see him?" I know that this person had been up there to check on me right before they gave me the IV injection, but it is funny how our mind associates things and random thoughts enter in. After my surgery, when my husband came in, I remember nothing of him being there. I remember a bright green shirt and khakis cargo shorts. I don't remember a head attached to the shirt but I knew who it was. I knew my mom and dad were there, but not because I remember seeing them. I remember a cup, straw and pen in a hand and I knew it was her. It is funny how things work in the mind. I believe I have repeatedly questioned my husband about what was said by doctors and people there and also what I said.
I know I am so bad about listening to my body and acting on its signals. I will be that person that has the heart attack and dies because she didn't pay attention to the signs. I know the signs, but with aches and pains, just dismiss them for something minimal. For two weeks I laid in pain, not responding to the pain that my body was projecting. It is very easy for me to blame me, knowing I did something wrong to cause this pain. The funny thing is my husband commented, that I do everything I am supposed to do; I took all my vitamins and made sure my body was in the best possible condition before surgery. I follow doctors orders (except to rest) to the letter and make sure I do what I need to do but I still have problems. Complications are not any fun and I try to avoid them by following the rules. I don't play games with my health but I also fear people thinking I am a hypochondriac. I pride myself on working to earn my living and doing what is right as much as humanly possible. I believe it is because when you hear how people talk about those they believe are hypochondriacs, it is not a description that you would like.
I put too much emphasis on caring about what others think of me. For many people, I truly respect and appreciate them and I do care but for others that are just mere acquaintances, why does it matter? It really doesn't or shouldn't and my focus is on separating those two groups. I care what they think because they matter to me?! My whole life has been a trial in that I wait in judgement of what others think or how others feel. For 42 years I have quietly listened to others thoughts and opinions and rarely have I said anything for fear of them thinking poorly of me. My opinions aren't wrong or screwed up, my opinions are moral and godly and it saddens me when the minority are making up the majority because they can speak up loud and clear. What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong. There is no middle ground.
Does that mean that as long as you do what is right everything will go right for you? No, on the contrary, the harder you work to live right, the harder Satan has to work to sway you and the harder things are. OK, so life is going to be hard? Keep on bringing it....
Blessings still abound amidst the chaos of Satan fighting me. I never could have imagined my life today when I was a child. As a child I never saw myself as a wife or mother. I never 'imagined' my babies were my babies, or my Ken doll was my husband, I just fell into it, or should I say tripped into it. There were two options lined out for me; both were of marriage; one was of like-faith and love would develop and one was of separate faith but true love. I chose the road of true love and it did turn out for the best, I believe. Two wonderful boys later and still deeply in love, I think my choice was clear. I believe that things can make us who we are and who we are can make us believe.
As I forge forward praying that this day will bring healing to my body and peace for my soul, I ask the Lord to take my hand, lead me on, and help me stand. For I know I cannot do this without Him or the Christians that He has placed in my life to guide me and support me.
I have completed every step needed to begin the courses of college again but have yet to register for a class. I have decided to take 2 classes this fall and have to make my way to the college to register for them. My plan was to do that Friday morning when this attack, or should we say the devil, reared it's ugly head. Sometimes I think there is always something trying to prevent me from pursuing this dream of mine. Tomorrow I shall attempt to get out to do this and have a little bit of sunshine on my face. Classes begin on Monday and this week is late registration.
I went through a training for 4 weeks to become a CASA volunteer. CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate, and I have accepted my first case. That too will be on my list of things to do while I am out tomorrow to prepare myself to return to work and the daily activities of life. It has not even been 72 hours since I had surgery but it feels like it has been weeks, the hours tick by so slowly and although I look for things to occupy my time, boredom creeps in and steals an hour of wasteful slumber.
There are some very funny things that happen when you have surgery or are under the effects of lasing general anesthetic. The dreams that I have had and the dreams that still come are that of which you don't repeat for fear of being locked inside a soft and cushy room with all but one tiny window. They make no sense and run together things that don't belong together. While I was under the effects of a strong IV pain medication, I indicated that our youth minister was in the hallway delivering pizzas. When my husband questioned me; speaking to him as if HE were the crazy one, I said "what, you don't see him?" I know that this person had been up there to check on me right before they gave me the IV injection, but it is funny how our mind associates things and random thoughts enter in. After my surgery, when my husband came in, I remember nothing of him being there. I remember a bright green shirt and khakis cargo shorts. I don't remember a head attached to the shirt but I knew who it was. I knew my mom and dad were there, but not because I remember seeing them. I remember a cup, straw and pen in a hand and I knew it was her. It is funny how things work in the mind. I believe I have repeatedly questioned my husband about what was said by doctors and people there and also what I said.
I know I am so bad about listening to my body and acting on its signals. I will be that person that has the heart attack and dies because she didn't pay attention to the signs. I know the signs, but with aches and pains, just dismiss them for something minimal. For two weeks I laid in pain, not responding to the pain that my body was projecting. It is very easy for me to blame me, knowing I did something wrong to cause this pain. The funny thing is my husband commented, that I do everything I am supposed to do; I took all my vitamins and made sure my body was in the best possible condition before surgery. I follow doctors orders (except to rest) to the letter and make sure I do what I need to do but I still have problems. Complications are not any fun and I try to avoid them by following the rules. I don't play games with my health but I also fear people thinking I am a hypochondriac. I pride myself on working to earn my living and doing what is right as much as humanly possible. I believe it is because when you hear how people talk about those they believe are hypochondriacs, it is not a description that you would like.
I put too much emphasis on caring about what others think of me. For many people, I truly respect and appreciate them and I do care but for others that are just mere acquaintances, why does it matter? It really doesn't or shouldn't and my focus is on separating those two groups. I care what they think because they matter to me?! My whole life has been a trial in that I wait in judgement of what others think or how others feel. For 42 years I have quietly listened to others thoughts and opinions and rarely have I said anything for fear of them thinking poorly of me. My opinions aren't wrong or screwed up, my opinions are moral and godly and it saddens me when the minority are making up the majority because they can speak up loud and clear. What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong. There is no middle ground.
Does that mean that as long as you do what is right everything will go right for you? No, on the contrary, the harder you work to live right, the harder Satan has to work to sway you and the harder things are. OK, so life is going to be hard? Keep on bringing it....
Blessings still abound amidst the chaos of Satan fighting me. I never could have imagined my life today when I was a child. As a child I never saw myself as a wife or mother. I never 'imagined' my babies were my babies, or my Ken doll was my husband, I just fell into it, or should I say tripped into it. There were two options lined out for me; both were of marriage; one was of like-faith and love would develop and one was of separate faith but true love. I chose the road of true love and it did turn out for the best, I believe. Two wonderful boys later and still deeply in love, I think my choice was clear. I believe that things can make us who we are and who we are can make us believe.
As I forge forward praying that this day will bring healing to my body and peace for my soul, I ask the Lord to take my hand, lead me on, and help me stand. For I know I cannot do this without Him or the Christians that He has placed in my life to guide me and support me.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Things I strongly dislike....
I don't have much understanding for just crude stuff and the one thing that I think is so disrespectful and crude is this wrist bands that say "I boobies!" One, it is called Breast Cancer and is a very serious type of cancer. I have lost many friends and family, and have very dear friends that I would never disrespect by wearing anything like that! I notice that is mostly men that wear them, but I don't think I have ever met a single man that didn't "love boobies" so why do certain men need to advertise? Insecurity? I strongly dislike them and I think they are so disrespectful and watching my dear friend fight this dreaded disease angers me even more.I am even more put out when people wear them into worship. Where does that belong? I saw a male species (and I use the term lightly) tonight who had one of these bands on. He was not someone that you would consider a desirable date option but you know what he loves. Pshhh....
I also don't understand the face piercings. I'm not talking about the tiny nose piercings (which I think are cute in most cases), I am talking hoops in the lips, nose and eyebrows. What is it with the huge black hoops stretching the ear lobes? How some people scar and stretch their bodies and faces is so beyond me. I see younger and younger children being allowed to do this to their faces and bodies. Seriously, I don't think I could ever kiss someone that has lip piercings. It is really disgusting.
Parents that are sucked into the 'fashion fad' and allow their young girls to wear clothing that is way too suggestive or inappropriate. Why does America want to expose our precious little girls like this? Why do we as Christians not teach our daughters and special girls in our lives that their bodies belong to God first and then only to their husbands? It is a lesson that MUST be taught. There is modest and stylist clothing for girls. I appreciate and respect the moms that make their swimsuits and clothing and the girls are aware of what modesty means, even at young ages. Just because a girl has not met puberty, doesn't mean low cut or short short is appropriate. Creepers and sexual predators are looking at your little girls! They need to be protected by the people that God entrusted with them. Otherwise our girls don't have a chance, they are sending out messages that they don't even know they are sending. Just FYI, I feel the same about our boys too. Don't allow this 'sagging' mess. Who wants to see someones underwear? Not I. I usually just walk by singing the "Pants on the ground" song and they pull them up.
Friday, August 5, 2011
What is in the best interest of the child?
I will start off by saying I apologize if you are offended by this post but will not apologize for my morals and my beliefs.
I am currently taking a class in a child related field, and one of the statements among many that made us think was, "I believe that gay and lesbian couples should be able to foster and adopt children." The choices for our responses were "Strongly agree", "Agree", "Disagree" and "Strongly Disagree". As we went around the room I hear "Agree" (s) coming out of the responses and as they came to me, my response was "Strongly Disagree", and all heads turned to see who had responded like that, I mean who is seriously politically incorrect! I was asked why I strongly disagree. My answer was simple, God intended for a child to be raised by 1 man and 1 woman, and just because society and our very immoral nation thinks that homosexuality is OK, I by no means believe that. An older man spoke up, "wouldn't you rather a child be raised in a home with love than to stay in the system?" My answer was, "I don't want any child to stay in the system, but no, I would rather the child wait until a true family came around for them". He didn't like this answer either and shook his head, rolled his eyes and had that smirk on his face that said I was a stupid 'conservative' female. His next question, "why would you do that to a child, deny them the chance to be loved?" Key word there is chance, chance to be loved. My response was this, "By taking the responsibility of this child in my hands, and deciding what is in the best interest of that child, I could not in good consciounce place a child with a family that is living in sin,(this would also include a couple that was shacked up) becuase the chances of that child ever knowing the true and living God is slim to none and that child's eternity and that child's soul are more important to me than making a few beurocratic knuckle heads happy". I do believe we will answer for things like this. We do not think about anything long term. We do not think about our eternity, we do what gratifies us NOW, and we will deal with the other later. When deciding the fate of a child, I could not recommend placing a child in a home with gay or lesbian parents.
Are there other options? ABsolutely, and my option I am selecting is that I will not preside over a case where there are any homosexual couples involved. I know "man's law" has deemed this type of lifestyle acceptable because people are "born that way"?! I don't believe that either. God made us in HIS image. God is NOT homosexual, in fact, He says this about homosexuality...
"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Genesis 1:27, 28
"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." Leviticus 18:22
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
"If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." Levitucus 20:13
After I stated my position on this situation, 2 other women said they agreed with me and 1 said that she would not accept a case like that either.
My goal is to protect the soul and eternity of every child I can and by giving them an average chance of coming to know the Lord, by not placing them in a home that is living in sin. As much as I want them to be loved here on earth and treasured as every child should be, eternity is a much longer spell. I do beleive it is in the best interest of a child to place them with a mom and a dad and prayfully, in a Christian home. THAT is in every child's best interest.
Another point I had was children in foster care, remove from their homes for chaos, abuse, neglect, and then placed with a homosexual couple. Does that stop the chaos? Will kids not make fun of that child that has 2 mommies or 2 daddies? Absolutely, and the chaos continues. Children that are removed from unthinkable situations should not be placed in homes that God says is an abomination. That is going from the unthinkable to the unthinkable.
I heard that 2 men adopted 3 little girls (siblings), but how are 2 men going to teach 3 little girls how to grow up to be moral and responsible young women? Little girls need a mommy & a daddy and little boys need a daddy and a mommy. Yes, I am aware that every child doesn't have that luxury, and does it make their life wrong? No, I was raised without a father, by his choice, and yes, I did think I missed out but my life was good, better than it ever would have been with him in my life. His absence DID affect my life in many negative ways but I am a bigger person than his comments or hatefulness. I had positive male role models and I was very sheltered from the sin of the world, but eventually you see it all.
Sitting a child on the front row seat at a porn show would be unthinkable, but placing them in an immoral home is no different, they are seeing and believing things that are not right or moral.
I love children enough to speak up for them and the bible is my first instruction manual in making that decision. If this is not for me, time will tell, but I beleive that my consciounce and my moral beliefs should be respected, as I do others, but when children are concerned, we have to think longer, not just tomorrow but next year and 100 years down the line.
I am currently taking a class in a child related field, and one of the statements among many that made us think was, "I believe that gay and lesbian couples should be able to foster and adopt children." The choices for our responses were "Strongly agree", "Agree", "Disagree" and "Strongly Disagree". As we went around the room I hear "Agree" (s) coming out of the responses and as they came to me, my response was "Strongly Disagree", and all heads turned to see who had responded like that, I mean who is seriously politically incorrect! I was asked why I strongly disagree. My answer was simple, God intended for a child to be raised by 1 man and 1 woman, and just because society and our very immoral nation thinks that homosexuality is OK, I by no means believe that. An older man spoke up, "wouldn't you rather a child be raised in a home with love than to stay in the system?" My answer was, "I don't want any child to stay in the system, but no, I would rather the child wait until a true family came around for them". He didn't like this answer either and shook his head, rolled his eyes and had that smirk on his face that said I was a stupid 'conservative' female. His next question, "why would you do that to a child, deny them the chance to be loved?" Key word there is chance, chance to be loved. My response was this, "By taking the responsibility of this child in my hands, and deciding what is in the best interest of that child, I could not in good consciounce place a child with a family that is living in sin,(this would also include a couple that was shacked up) becuase the chances of that child ever knowing the true and living God is slim to none and that child's eternity and that child's soul are more important to me than making a few beurocratic knuckle heads happy". I do believe we will answer for things like this. We do not think about anything long term. We do not think about our eternity, we do what gratifies us NOW, and we will deal with the other later. When deciding the fate of a child, I could not recommend placing a child in a home with gay or lesbian parents.
Are there other options? ABsolutely, and my option I am selecting is that I will not preside over a case where there are any homosexual couples involved. I know "man's law" has deemed this type of lifestyle acceptable because people are "born that way"?! I don't believe that either. God made us in HIS image. God is NOT homosexual, in fact, He says this about homosexuality...
"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Genesis 1:27, 28
"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." Leviticus 18:22
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
"If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." Levitucus 20:13
After I stated my position on this situation, 2 other women said they agreed with me and 1 said that she would not accept a case like that either.
My goal is to protect the soul and eternity of every child I can and by giving them an average chance of coming to know the Lord, by not placing them in a home that is living in sin. As much as I want them to be loved here on earth and treasured as every child should be, eternity is a much longer spell. I do beleive it is in the best interest of a child to place them with a mom and a dad and prayfully, in a Christian home. THAT is in every child's best interest.
Another point I had was children in foster care, remove from their homes for chaos, abuse, neglect, and then placed with a homosexual couple. Does that stop the chaos? Will kids not make fun of that child that has 2 mommies or 2 daddies? Absolutely, and the chaos continues. Children that are removed from unthinkable situations should not be placed in homes that God says is an abomination. That is going from the unthinkable to the unthinkable.
I heard that 2 men adopted 3 little girls (siblings), but how are 2 men going to teach 3 little girls how to grow up to be moral and responsible young women? Little girls need a mommy & a daddy and little boys need a daddy and a mommy. Yes, I am aware that every child doesn't have that luxury, and does it make their life wrong? No, I was raised without a father, by his choice, and yes, I did think I missed out but my life was good, better than it ever would have been with him in my life. His absence DID affect my life in many negative ways but I am a bigger person than his comments or hatefulness. I had positive male role models and I was very sheltered from the sin of the world, but eventually you see it all.
Sitting a child on the front row seat at a porn show would be unthinkable, but placing them in an immoral home is no different, they are seeing and believing things that are not right or moral.
I love children enough to speak up for them and the bible is my first instruction manual in making that decision. If this is not for me, time will tell, but I beleive that my consciounce and my moral beliefs should be respected, as I do others, but when children are concerned, we have to think longer, not just tomorrow but next year and 100 years down the line.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Thanks, I needed that!
Have you ever sat in church and listened to the sermon like it was written for you? Even though I know for certain it wasn't, it was exactly what I was needing. I have been doing my own private bible study concerning forgiveness and how to forgive myself. I am also my biggest critic, judge and jury and no one else could ever convict me harder than I convict myself. As well as forgiveness I have been studying confidence (because I am lacking that). I have ordered a book that comes out in August called "The Confident Woman" and I am not working on the author's study and pre-book study she has posted, but more about that later.
In studying about forgiveness, my thoughts go to others, I can preach self-forgiveness like I am convicted by it, but my words speak way louder than my actions. I always doubt myself, criticize myself and condemn myself. Do you know how sometimes things just click? Well, the sermon today was ones of those 'clicks' for me. I am always telling my kids that the only person whose opinion matters is God. If you are doing what God has asked, everyone should approve. (But we all know that is not always the way of the world.) My words came back to bite me and I understand now how wrong I was. When I asked God to forgive my wrongs, and He did, but I could not forgive myself, what am I doing? Am I saying I am higher than God? I believe that anyone that knows me, knows that I am not like that. Am I saying Jesus' blood sacrifice was not important? In a way I was, I was being very disrespectful to Christ, His sacrifice, and His grace.
Asking for forgiveness from Him, AND forgiving myself are key to receiving His grace. They are key to healing from your own iniquities. When He makes a promise, He keeps His promises and I needed to understand that I have to believe in His plan and stop judging myself when the true judge has already freed me from the bondage of my sins. If I am going to make a request for forgiveness from Him, I need to follow through with the plan, and stop letting my past interfere with my present and most definitely keep it out of my future by learning from my mistakes and not repeating them.
I appreciate Randy Daw and his honest preaching. He doesn't just preach to us, he preaches to himself as well, and that is very humbling, but mostly encouraging to me.
All in all, it was an amazing weekend. Zach and Jo are home until August 6th and he will fly out to Korea for a year and she will head out to Indiana between the middle to end of August. It was nice coming home and all my kids were home. Saturday got the yard all done, dogs all bathed, and we hit some thrift stores and the Super Goodwill in Garland and then we spent time with JB's parents, my parents, my kids, all at Jb's brother's home, swimming, playing games and cooking out. I was wonderful family time. Sunday is my favorite day of the week, and today was wonderful. I cooked a roast, potatoes, carrots since my best friend Donna and her daughter Mollie were coming in to drop off Mollie for the week. I have needed my Mollie fix. I also found out the Adam (Hoss) and his very pregnant wife were coming for lunch (so I added another roast to the other one) and we had a wonderful lunch and visiting time. Then I got a short nap before church; it was JB, me and Mollie in our big 'ole king bed napping. Just like old times. My boys always liked to nap with us and Mollie does too for Sunday naps, she always has. I am looking forward to this week with all my wonderful kiddos and time will tell how long Mollie will be with me.
I hope you have a wonderful week!
In studying about forgiveness, my thoughts go to others, I can preach self-forgiveness like I am convicted by it, but my words speak way louder than my actions. I always doubt myself, criticize myself and condemn myself. Do you know how sometimes things just click? Well, the sermon today was ones of those 'clicks' for me. I am always telling my kids that the only person whose opinion matters is God. If you are doing what God has asked, everyone should approve. (But we all know that is not always the way of the world.) My words came back to bite me and I understand now how wrong I was. When I asked God to forgive my wrongs, and He did, but I could not forgive myself, what am I doing? Am I saying I am higher than God? I believe that anyone that knows me, knows that I am not like that. Am I saying Jesus' blood sacrifice was not important? In a way I was, I was being very disrespectful to Christ, His sacrifice, and His grace.
Asking for forgiveness from Him, AND forgiving myself are key to receiving His grace. They are key to healing from your own iniquities. When He makes a promise, He keeps His promises and I needed to understand that I have to believe in His plan and stop judging myself when the true judge has already freed me from the bondage of my sins. If I am going to make a request for forgiveness from Him, I need to follow through with the plan, and stop letting my past interfere with my present and most definitely keep it out of my future by learning from my mistakes and not repeating them.
I appreciate Randy Daw and his honest preaching. He doesn't just preach to us, he preaches to himself as well, and that is very humbling, but mostly encouraging to me.
All in all, it was an amazing weekend. Zach and Jo are home until August 6th and he will fly out to Korea for a year and she will head out to Indiana between the middle to end of August. It was nice coming home and all my kids were home. Saturday got the yard all done, dogs all bathed, and we hit some thrift stores and the Super Goodwill in Garland and then we spent time with JB's parents, my parents, my kids, all at Jb's brother's home, swimming, playing games and cooking out. I was wonderful family time. Sunday is my favorite day of the week, and today was wonderful. I cooked a roast, potatoes, carrots since my best friend Donna and her daughter Mollie were coming in to drop off Mollie for the week. I have needed my Mollie fix. I also found out the Adam (Hoss) and his very pregnant wife were coming for lunch (so I added another roast to the other one) and we had a wonderful lunch and visiting time. Then I got a short nap before church; it was JB, me and Mollie in our big 'ole king bed napping. Just like old times. My boys always liked to nap with us and Mollie does too for Sunday naps, she always has. I am looking forward to this week with all my wonderful kiddos and time will tell how long Mollie will be with me.
I hope you have a wonderful week!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
About to press the play button on, pause on my life is off...
This was our last full day and we have decided to start breaking down camp tonight and packing the truck so all we have to do is minimal morning things to get to the house so we can go to Camp Deer Run to check on Brayden. It has been such a hot week and with him feeling bad as it is, mom needs to check on her baby. We will try to make it to the worship portion of camp and have lunch with Brayden.
Today as planned we went into Sulpher Springs to prowl through some antique shops. We enjoyed each other’s company but there is definitely a difference between the hospitality in SS than Cooper; big difference. We found a few little things, since I was grounded from buying anything bigger than a book. Spoil sport. JB found an old football instructions book written by the Navy that he thought was quite comical! Mostly I believe that he enjoys razzing his Navy family and friends.
Time has been good and tonight will be equally great! I needed this and used it well. There has been no drama, no neediness, no anything except much needed quiet time reconnecting with my honey and my Lord. Placing yourself back to the basics (if you can call my camper that) with nature and the things that don’t care about the drama of the world.
I have heard, mostly through Facebook, some not so good things that have happened in the world this week. I was sad when the child (Caylee) turned up missing and the thought that something could have happened at the hands of her mother. I can’t change it and judgment will be the Lord’s. I would hate to think that I passed judgment on one who was just flat making bad choice after bad choice and it caught up with her. None of it will bring that sweet baby back and I don’t want to be judged for my bitterness and anger on something I will never know the truth about. I was also very sad for the little boy whose daddy fell to his death at the Rangers game. I recently had that same scary experience with my own husband so I know how easy it is for someone to reach a little too far for something being thrown especially if it is for their child. My prayers have gone up for that family and all those touched by these tragic events. It does sadden me of those who make light of any death and those that in anger strike out because they are unhappy with the judicial system.
I can remember being a young mom, but luckily I had strength in my marriage and my husband by my side. These moms raising kids alone will sometimes do anything to keep their man, even if it means hurting or getting rid of the most precious gift they ever received. It is not how God intended but let’s face it, we have gotten way away from what God wants. When we start to return to God we will see children being raised in whole, complete, loving families. I am NOT looking down on or judging single moms or teen moms. I was raised by a single mom, but not by her choice. My mom worked full time and went to school full time and took care of us with the help of her parents. My best friend is a single mom and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they are better without the father. I know without any doubt that I am better because my father was not in my life. No matter what a parent does, (listen to me, everyone ready to condemn) that child will love and trust that parent until they draw their last breath. I understand there are extenuating circumstances, what I don’t understand is young ladies CHOOSING to bring a baby into this world WITHOUT a lifetime commitment from a man. Without a ring on their finger.
Are complete families perfect? Very rarely, but the love of natural mother/father, grandparents, etc. is unmatched to any. No one can love a child like their own parent. Has my husband or myself been the perfect parents and partners? NO WAY! Not even close, we still work daily on loving our children and each other. IT IS A JOB, Family and marriage is VERY HARD WORK! It takes everyone involved to be committed.
My son married young and I heard from so many about how I should stop the wedding and talk to them. Guys, listen, marriage is NOT about age, marriage is about commitment. Our preacher says one phrase that I love, when he is talking about re-building your marriage and when troubles come in your marriage, “Divorce is NOT an option!” If you go into marriage KNOWING this, everything is workable.
Just like this week, my husband and I have to take time for US. If you lose sight of each other, things start to unravel. We try to get away and reconnect as partners for each other and for our boys. This week was very timely for both of us. The last year has been anything but normal for us. Neither of us has dealt much with surgeries, and this year we had 3 between the two of us. We also had to deal with a sort of separation when my husband was moved to 2nd shift which meant he was gone from 3-11pm, so my son and I only saw him on the weekend, IF he wasn’t scheduled to work then also. It was very hard on our family, very emotional because we have always spent a lot of time together. Even the military never got that hard. We had our schedule and he had his and they never seemed to meet the expectations of each other. Trying to re-establish our routine again as a family in the evenings has been a challenge but we have taken one day at a time. Much to talk about and much to figure out where our family will be going and in what direction we will take.
Today, our last day here was awesome. We packed the camper with what we could and plan to leave out early to spend time with our kids, all of them. Zachary is leaving for Korea on August 6th and he will be gone for one year, and that is very bittersweet for me. This is his independence, this is his life, this is his job and mom can’t be there all the time. Zachary’s wife won’t be able to go and will move to Indiana with her parents until Zachary returns and they make their home once again in Utah.
I am ready to assume life again. I am pressing the button and removing the ‘pause’ status on my life and will go full force into enjoying what is left of it, with my husband and my kids and my wonderful family and friends by my side. We will tackle the challenges that will face our whole family and make decisions thinking about what God would have us do and striving to please Him.
Today as planned we went into Sulpher Springs to prowl through some antique shops. We enjoyed each other’s company but there is definitely a difference between the hospitality in SS than Cooper; big difference. We found a few little things, since I was grounded from buying anything bigger than a book. Spoil sport. JB found an old football instructions book written by the Navy that he thought was quite comical! Mostly I believe that he enjoys razzing his Navy family and friends.
Time has been good and tonight will be equally great! I needed this and used it well. There has been no drama, no neediness, no anything except much needed quiet time reconnecting with my honey and my Lord. Placing yourself back to the basics (if you can call my camper that) with nature and the things that don’t care about the drama of the world.
I have heard, mostly through Facebook, some not so good things that have happened in the world this week. I was sad when the child (Caylee) turned up missing and the thought that something could have happened at the hands of her mother. I can’t change it and judgment will be the Lord’s. I would hate to think that I passed judgment on one who was just flat making bad choice after bad choice and it caught up with her. None of it will bring that sweet baby back and I don’t want to be judged for my bitterness and anger on something I will never know the truth about. I was also very sad for the little boy whose daddy fell to his death at the Rangers game. I recently had that same scary experience with my own husband so I know how easy it is for someone to reach a little too far for something being thrown especially if it is for their child. My prayers have gone up for that family and all those touched by these tragic events. It does sadden me of those who make light of any death and those that in anger strike out because they are unhappy with the judicial system.
I can remember being a young mom, but luckily I had strength in my marriage and my husband by my side. These moms raising kids alone will sometimes do anything to keep their man, even if it means hurting or getting rid of the most precious gift they ever received. It is not how God intended but let’s face it, we have gotten way away from what God wants. When we start to return to God we will see children being raised in whole, complete, loving families. I am NOT looking down on or judging single moms or teen moms. I was raised by a single mom, but not by her choice. My mom worked full time and went to school full time and took care of us with the help of her parents. My best friend is a single mom and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they are better without the father. I know without any doubt that I am better because my father was not in my life. No matter what a parent does, (listen to me, everyone ready to condemn) that child will love and trust that parent until they draw their last breath. I understand there are extenuating circumstances, what I don’t understand is young ladies CHOOSING to bring a baby into this world WITHOUT a lifetime commitment from a man. Without a ring on their finger.
Are complete families perfect? Very rarely, but the love of natural mother/father, grandparents, etc. is unmatched to any. No one can love a child like their own parent. Has my husband or myself been the perfect parents and partners? NO WAY! Not even close, we still work daily on loving our children and each other. IT IS A JOB, Family and marriage is VERY HARD WORK! It takes everyone involved to be committed.
My son married young and I heard from so many about how I should stop the wedding and talk to them. Guys, listen, marriage is NOT about age, marriage is about commitment. Our preacher says one phrase that I love, when he is talking about re-building your marriage and when troubles come in your marriage, “Divorce is NOT an option!” If you go into marriage KNOWING this, everything is workable.
Just like this week, my husband and I have to take time for US. If you lose sight of each other, things start to unravel. We try to get away and reconnect as partners for each other and for our boys. This week was very timely for both of us. The last year has been anything but normal for us. Neither of us has dealt much with surgeries, and this year we had 3 between the two of us. We also had to deal with a sort of separation when my husband was moved to 2nd shift which meant he was gone from 3-11pm, so my son and I only saw him on the weekend, IF he wasn’t scheduled to work then also. It was very hard on our family, very emotional because we have always spent a lot of time together. Even the military never got that hard. We had our schedule and he had his and they never seemed to meet the expectations of each other. Trying to re-establish our routine again as a family in the evenings has been a challenge but we have taken one day at a time. Much to talk about and much to figure out where our family will be going and in what direction we will take.
Today, our last day here was awesome. We packed the camper with what we could and plan to leave out early to spend time with our kids, all of them. Zachary is leaving for Korea on August 6th and he will be gone for one year, and that is very bittersweet for me. This is his independence, this is his life, this is his job and mom can’t be there all the time. Zachary’s wife won’t be able to go and will move to Indiana with her parents until Zachary returns and they make their home once again in Utah.
I am ready to assume life again. I am pressing the button and removing the ‘pause’ status on my life and will go full force into enjoying what is left of it, with my husband and my kids and my wonderful family and friends by my side. We will tackle the challenges that will face our whole family and make decisions thinking about what God would have us do and striving to please Him.
Friday, July 8, 2011
I caught my first fish ever....
Day 4 and I caught my first fish. By time I get back to Greenville, my fish story will be enormous! In all actuality it was a small crappie about 8 inches long. He was very happy to be released back so he could grow some more. It reminds me of that movie, “the Incredible Mr. Limpet” where the first jumps in the lake and waves to the people behind. No, we didn’t get that much gratitude but none the less, he was grateful to not be part of our lunch. Or at the rate that we can eat, he could have been our whole lunch! It was an absolutely beautiful morning on the pier from 8-10 am; there was a nice cooling breeze coming off the water, so much so that I almost lost my cowboy hat a couple times and that my friends would have been a catastrophe! I have never been a hat person, ever, but people buy me hats and I think I look like a total dork in them. As hot as it was predicted to be, I thought I needed to wear one because I burn way too easily. I have actually enjoyed them this week. My honey, who always wears a cap didn’t bring a single one with him and didn’t want to wear mine?!?! Wonder why? Yes, you are right if you said he had to buy him a cap! What a lame excuse! But oh, well, such as life.
Armed with our chairs, cooler with water and orangeade and lemonade, tackle box, fishing poles and florescent green worms, (they even bled the neon green when you tore them in half to feed the fish!) my 50SPF sun block, granola bar, and cell phone (to call 911 when I caught JB somewhere with my hook trying to cast out. I always think ahead) we headed out not early enough, but still early to do this fishing thing. And I enjoyed it but soon realized that I should have brought a book to read while waiting for the bell on my fishing pole to ring. I think it was a wonderful morning relaxing.
On the way back to camp, the truck yelled at us, do any of you have a vehicle that yells at you when the gas gage is low? Ours does and it scares me every time. We got a little gas by the lake and went on into Cooper to get a better price. While we were in Cooper, we stopped at another antique store that wasn’t open yesterday. The little lady that owned it talked and talked, telling me everything that the particular item I was looking at was used for. This shop was pretty chaotic and things were in boxes and you couldn’t get down rows, etc. Now I love to dig for things but would definitely prefer that the air conditioner be on while I am doing that, so we didn’t hang out long. Yes, I did buy something. But I REALLY NEEDED it! It was a swivel stool for my vanity and it is so cute and once again matches nothing in my house, but it is now mine! I have been using an office desk but have wanted a stool, and when that silly thing called my name, I had to take it home. It has been recovered in leopard print material (why it matches nothing in my house) but it will be fine where I want to use it.
I have also decided that the town of Cooper has the nicest people! Everywhere we go, people are so kind and friendly like they have known us forever. If you don’t feel like you belong in this world, come visit downtown Cooper shops. After purchasing my great find, we decided to have lunch downtown, our plan was to not eat out this week, but we went to a place called Burgers ‘n Beans on the square, and you talk about friendly. I love listening to conversation all around me from people that truly love and enjoying being with those they are with. B ‘n B reminded me a lot of Ruby’s café in downtown Greenville. And just like when I go to Ruby’s, I got beans and cornbread with onions! They were so good! JB got a corndog and was able to eat the whole thing after resting about ¾ of the way through. Sometimes I am envious because I couldn’t even think about eating a corndog at 6 weeks post-op. He said it tasted absolutely wonderful! Oh, the little things. Funny thing about us eating out, it absolutely drives wait staff crazy when we don’t order something to drink. They just about fall over themselves trying to convince us to drink something, anything! One time at Ruby’s, they just brought us waters and we had to explain our situation and that the drink in front of us would be too much temptation.
After lunch we headed to look for a sign I saw earlier yesterday. All it said was “Free donkeys”. I wanted a picture because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. But who wants another donkey in their lives, right? We never did find it and disagreed where the point was that I began laughing about the sign. I have seen many signs, free puppies, free kittens, free husband, but never a sign that said free donkeys. What to do with that free donkey?!?! Nothing is ever free anyways! And now my honey thinks I am obsessing over the free donkeys, but do not question the fact that I DO NOT WANT a free donkey! After that wonderful adventure, we came back to the camp and took a good nap, which is what this week was about, resting, relaxing and not being needed by anyone except the one with me.
I was expecting that a friend might visit yesterday and was planning for us to make salads for dinner, since my honey won’t touch the stuff; I enjoy having a salad with friends. Events made it so she didn’t get to come out, so I fixed my salad tonight for dinner and was it ever wonderful. Romaine greens, chopped rotisserie chicken, blue cheese, chopped granny smith apple, and walnuts with some light vinaigrette dressing over it. It went down well and I ate about ½ of it.
Tomorrow will be our last full day and we have talked about maybe leaving out early on Sunday to go to Camp Deer Run to check on Brayden. With him being sick right before leaving, I hate not checking on him. Time will tell though, and we will make a decision soon.
Tonight the plan is to go fishing again, once the sun goes down, so we will see about all that.
Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!
Armed with our chairs, cooler with water and orangeade and lemonade, tackle box, fishing poles and florescent green worms, (they even bled the neon green when you tore them in half to feed the fish!) my 50SPF sun block, granola bar, and cell phone (to call 911 when I caught JB somewhere with my hook trying to cast out. I always think ahead) we headed out not early enough, but still early to do this fishing thing. And I enjoyed it but soon realized that I should have brought a book to read while waiting for the bell on my fishing pole to ring. I think it was a wonderful morning relaxing.
On the way back to camp, the truck yelled at us, do any of you have a vehicle that yells at you when the gas gage is low? Ours does and it scares me every time. We got a little gas by the lake and went on into Cooper to get a better price. While we were in Cooper, we stopped at another antique store that wasn’t open yesterday. The little lady that owned it talked and talked, telling me everything that the particular item I was looking at was used for. This shop was pretty chaotic and things were in boxes and you couldn’t get down rows, etc. Now I love to dig for things but would definitely prefer that the air conditioner be on while I am doing that, so we didn’t hang out long. Yes, I did buy something. But I REALLY NEEDED it! It was a swivel stool for my vanity and it is so cute and once again matches nothing in my house, but it is now mine! I have been using an office desk but have wanted a stool, and when that silly thing called my name, I had to take it home. It has been recovered in leopard print material (why it matches nothing in my house) but it will be fine where I want to use it.
I have also decided that the town of Cooper has the nicest people! Everywhere we go, people are so kind and friendly like they have known us forever. If you don’t feel like you belong in this world, come visit downtown Cooper shops. After purchasing my great find, we decided to have lunch downtown, our plan was to not eat out this week, but we went to a place called Burgers ‘n Beans on the square, and you talk about friendly. I love listening to conversation all around me from people that truly love and enjoying being with those they are with. B ‘n B reminded me a lot of Ruby’s café in downtown Greenville. And just like when I go to Ruby’s, I got beans and cornbread with onions! They were so good! JB got a corndog and was able to eat the whole thing after resting about ¾ of the way through. Sometimes I am envious because I couldn’t even think about eating a corndog at 6 weeks post-op. He said it tasted absolutely wonderful! Oh, the little things. Funny thing about us eating out, it absolutely drives wait staff crazy when we don’t order something to drink. They just about fall over themselves trying to convince us to drink something, anything! One time at Ruby’s, they just brought us waters and we had to explain our situation and that the drink in front of us would be too much temptation.
After lunch we headed to look for a sign I saw earlier yesterday. All it said was “Free donkeys”. I wanted a picture because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. But who wants another donkey in their lives, right? We never did find it and disagreed where the point was that I began laughing about the sign. I have seen many signs, free puppies, free kittens, free husband, but never a sign that said free donkeys. What to do with that free donkey?!?! Nothing is ever free anyways! And now my honey thinks I am obsessing over the free donkeys, but do not question the fact that I DO NOT WANT a free donkey! After that wonderful adventure, we came back to the camp and took a good nap, which is what this week was about, resting, relaxing and not being needed by anyone except the one with me.
I was expecting that a friend might visit yesterday and was planning for us to make salads for dinner, since my honey won’t touch the stuff; I enjoy having a salad with friends. Events made it so she didn’t get to come out, so I fixed my salad tonight for dinner and was it ever wonderful. Romaine greens, chopped rotisserie chicken, blue cheese, chopped granny smith apple, and walnuts with some light vinaigrette dressing over it. It went down well and I ate about ½ of it.
Tomorrow will be our last full day and we have talked about maybe leaving out early on Sunday to go to Camp Deer Run to check on Brayden. With him being sick right before leaving, I hate not checking on him. Time will tell though, and we will make a decision soon.
Tonight the plan is to go fishing again, once the sun goes down, so we will see about all that.
Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!
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