Sunday, July 10, 2011

About to press the play button on, pause on my life is off...

This was our last full day and we have decided to start breaking down camp tonight and packing the truck so all we have to do is minimal morning things to get to the house so we can go to Camp Deer Run to check on Brayden. It has been such a hot week and with him feeling bad as it is, mom needs to check on her baby. We will try to make it to the worship portion of camp and have lunch with Brayden.

Today as planned we went into Sulpher Springs to prowl through some antique shops. We enjoyed each other’s company but there is definitely a difference between the hospitality in SS than Cooper; big difference. We found a few little things, since I was grounded from buying anything bigger than a book. Spoil sport. JB found an old football instructions book written by the Navy that he thought was quite comical! Mostly I believe that he enjoys razzing his Navy family and friends.

Time has been good and tonight will be equally great! I needed this and used it well. There has been no drama, no neediness, no anything except much needed quiet time reconnecting with my honey and my Lord. Placing yourself back to the basics (if you can call my camper that) with nature and the things that don’t care about the drama of the world.

I have heard, mostly through Facebook, some not so good things that have happened in the world this week. I was sad when the child (Caylee) turned up missing and the thought that something could have happened at the hands of her mother. I can’t change it and judgment will be the Lord’s. I would hate to think that I passed judgment on one who was just flat making bad choice after bad choice and it caught up with her. None of it will bring that sweet baby back and I don’t want to be judged for my bitterness and anger on something I will never know the truth about. I was also very sad for the little boy whose daddy fell to his death at the Rangers game. I recently had that same scary experience with my own husband so I know how easy it is for someone to reach a little too far for something being thrown especially if it is for their child. My prayers have gone up for that family and all those touched by these tragic events. It does sadden me of those who make light of any death and those that in anger strike out because they are unhappy with the judicial system.

I can remember being a young mom, but luckily I had strength in my marriage and my husband by my side. These moms raising kids alone will sometimes do anything to keep their man, even if it means hurting or getting rid of the most precious gift they ever received. It is not how God intended but let’s face it, we have gotten way away from what God wants. When we start to return to God we will see children being raised in whole, complete, loving families. I am NOT looking down on or judging single moms or teen moms. I was raised by a single mom, but not by her choice. My mom worked full time and went to school full time and took care of us with the help of her parents. My best friend is a single mom and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they are better without the father. I know without any doubt that I am better because my father was not in my life. No matter what a parent does, (listen to me, everyone ready to condemn) that child will love and trust that parent until they draw their last breath. I understand there are extenuating circumstances, what I don’t understand is young ladies CHOOSING to bring a baby into this world WITHOUT a lifetime commitment from a man. Without a ring on their finger.

Are complete families perfect? Very rarely, but the love of natural mother/father, grandparents, etc. is unmatched to any. No one can love a child like their own parent. Has my husband or myself been the perfect parents and partners? NO WAY! Not even close, we still work daily on loving our children and each other. IT IS A JOB, Family and marriage is VERY HARD WORK! It takes everyone involved to be committed.

My son married young and I heard from so many about how I should stop the wedding and talk to them. Guys, listen, marriage is NOT about age, marriage is about commitment. Our preacher says one phrase that I love, when he is talking about re-building your marriage and when troubles come in your marriage, “Divorce is NOT an option!” If you go into marriage KNOWING this, everything is workable.

Just like this week, my husband and I have to take time for US. If you lose sight of each other, things start to unravel. We try to get away and reconnect as partners for each other and for our boys. This week was very timely for both of us. The last year has been anything but normal for us. Neither of us has dealt much with surgeries, and this year we had 3 between the two of us. We also had to deal with a sort of separation when my husband was moved to 2nd shift which meant he was gone from 3-11pm, so my son and I only saw him on the weekend, IF he wasn’t scheduled to work then also. It was very hard on our family, very emotional because we have always spent a lot of time together. Even the military never got that hard. We had our schedule and he had his and they never seemed to meet the expectations of each other. Trying to re-establish our routine again as a family in the evenings has been a challenge but we have taken one day at a time. Much to talk about and much to figure out where our family will be going and in what direction we will take.

Today, our last day here was awesome. We packed the camper with what we could and plan to leave out early to spend time with our kids, all of them. Zachary is leaving for Korea on August 6th and he will be gone for one year, and that is very bittersweet for me. This is his independence, this is his life, this is his job and mom can’t be there all the time. Zachary’s wife won’t be able to go and will move to Indiana with her parents until Zachary returns and they make their home once again in Utah.

I am ready to assume life again. I am pressing the button and removing the ‘pause’ status on my life and will go full force into enjoying what is left of it, with my husband and my kids and my wonderful family and friends by my side. We will tackle the challenges that will face our whole family and make decisions thinking about what God would have us do and striving to please Him.

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