I do so hate cancer! And yes, I am angry!

As I sit and research everything I can read on Smoldering Multiple Myeloma, I get a call from my dear friend LD. She is emotional and with good reason, her husband, SD, was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of multiple organs and lymph nodes. SD is only 43 years old and 3 weeks older than my husband. This family has become close with my family over the last 3 years and we have so much in common. They are just amazing, loving, giving and know the true meaning of friendship. But I am angry at cancer! Why this family? SD had taken a turn for the worse and they did a blood transfusion. He had a hard day. I strongly dislike hearing my friends pain and not being able to help! I want to be there for her to hug her and to tell her that I love her and SD and their sweet children. I want to stop feeling helpless. Cancer makes me feel helpless! I know God is in control and He has a plan but shamefully, I want to know why SD? I don't understand this! I have so many memories of the crazy times we have had together these last three years and selfishly, I want MORE of those times! I want my husband's good friend to be there to laugh and be his funny, humorous self.
 
Well, the test came back and he was positive for mgus which is short for Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance. Rather than try to explain too much I would rather you google it for yourself. He also tested positive for Smoldering Multiple Myeloma, which are pre-cancerous cells, although some sites refer to them as cancer cells in the dormant stage. Meaning they are not attacking the organs and bones like full blown multiple myeloma does. Multiple Myeloma has no cure and carries with it a 3-5 year life expectancy, althought advances at the Mayo clinic make me optimistic that that could be easily doubled. Yes, I was angry! Cancer should pick on someone hateful and ugly and mean, not good, dependable, loving and giving men. But I have two options 1) I can get angry and harden my heart and make everyone around me miserable or 2) I can accept that it is what it is and pray, pray, pray that the Lord keeps this disease at bay and that it does not evolve into the full blown cancer. Every 3 months my honey will have extensive blood work up and they will check the progression of the proteins. So, I (we) are choosing to take life one day at a time. We have been scared, I can't picture my life without him by my side. Since I was 15 years old, he has had my heart. And we have had a wonderful ride so far and I know the best is yet to come. We have stepped back and looked at what is important, what is truly important, and it is not what we were going on. Our relationship with Christ, our marriage, our children, our family, our church family and our friends. All of the people that are supportive, that is what is important. These are the loves of our hearts. We want to build stronger bonds with our nephews and niece and our brothers and their families. We want to have our parents, siblings and our sweet friends over for dinner more. We want to force what our rushed and hurried life has pushed aside. It is so easy to lose sight of what is important and before you know it, years have passed and opportunities are lost.

There are times through the years of our marriage that we have lost sight of each other. We will make the best of the time we have together, instead of mulling along. Life is too short and tomorrow is not promised. But I did NOT have this surgery to get healthy and thin to not spend my life with my love. So I dig a little deeper and search when the time allows for healthy options and a healthier lifestyle for all of us. I love my honey so much that I hurts to even think that there would come a time that he would not be by my side.

So in saying this, no matter what comes back in 3, 6, 9 months or a year, we will face it then and we will stand together against this evil killer. I am prepared to accept anything because I have no control over this situation, and I must be strong and I must get us all through this because as my sweet Brayden said "mommy, we could never live comfortable without daddy" when we were referring to finances. No, we couldn't and I don't plan to. I plan to fight this with everything in me and I plan to have my honey by my side in the next rocking chair rocking one of our grand babies down the road. Zach & Jo say the long road. But that is OK, this is their life and their choice. When they are ready to bless me with a grandchild, I will be ready.

The bottom line is that sometimes life stinks, but it is still good. Don't waste a moment missing a chance to love and missing a chance to hug a friend, because that is what it is all about!