As we near the end of our journey with our perfect Princess, it is not without the scars of battle. A new chapter in her life will begin and I can only pray that the chapter that ends with us is a happy feeling within her soul. I hope she knows she was loved unconditionally and without reserve. I know that tears will be shed and a piece of me will be somewhere in Texas away from me but I trust that God has His hand on her future and has chosen the family that is right for her.
My scars that are showing are the scars of stress. My body is reacting, or over-reacting to the stress of the situation. I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) for short. I have had this dysfunction in my body for well over 20 years. First diagnosed when I was engaged to my husband and my GYN was certain that I had a tubal pregnancy. Well, I knew, and my fiancee knew that a tubal pregnancy was physically impossible, as he was in Alaska and I was in Texas, and further more, we had chosen to save that part of our relationship for our wedding day. (Or I had chosen to save that part of our relationship for our wedding day!~). At my insistence (and trying to avoid surgery) the doctor performed more tests and discovered that I was right, it was NOT a tubal pregnancy but an ovarian cyst that had ruptured. This began years of infertility and lost pregnancies, weight gain, depression and tears. I tell you this because since having my last child, I have had no sign of PCOS, until now, and has it ever reared it's ugly head.
It all started with a zit, (you know the commercial, they tell two friends and so on, and so on...) and another and another. Then came the frustration with weight loss, and the other signs. My PCOS was kicking my butt. Funny thing is, I should have always stayed on medication for this, but was taken off years ago. After speaking to my doctor who actually listens to her patients, we started a course of treatment, slowly at first and my body was kicking and screaming. Stubborn as it is (you know, I swear that my fat cells are super glued in or have formed some type of union in my body with plans to never release) everything happens for a reason, and the stress of this situation has brought on my worst nightmare. But I will get myself back in check.
PCOS has many signs; insulin resistance, acne, trouble losing weight, depression, etc. but need I go on. I got started on metformin which is a diabetic medicine and is used to treat PCOS as well as Metabolic Syndrome Disorder which also comes from PCOS. The most frustrating thing is when you say you are on metformin, people assume you are diabetic. But I am not....yet. I say yet, because both sides of my family are plagued with diabetes and it frightens me. I will not go quietly into the world of diabetes. I will fight it will every bone in my body
The bottom line is that I have not taken care of me these last 6 months. My bloodwork showed my cholesterol levels were off. Which ones? All of them! Triglycerides are high, good count low, bad count high. Never, ever had I had a problem with cholesterol, then it dawned on me...I had ran out of fish oil tabs from Sam's Club and had not gotten any yet and it has been months! UGH! I take those to keep my cholesterol down and to help with my joints! So doctor prescribes prescription meds and I don't want to take them! Wht to do, what to do? Talk to her, I guess.
Once the princess is swept away to her new castle, I intend to take some time for me, to get my health back in check and to get my levels where they need to be. It seems like I am falling apart in this fast paced world. I had complete ACL replacement on July 15th...3 months ago and my knee feels good, but I have to take care of me or me will not be around to take care of others. Priorities plan in check, my Savior to thank for the blessings He has bestowed upon the Princess and us, more prayers for an easy transition on all of us.
Life ain't fair, but it's still good.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
When your heart is outside your body
No one that has never had children will ever know the feeling of your heart being outside your body. (I don't mean birthing children either.) I mean anyone that has ever loved a child so deeply and so completely that the child takes your breath away.
Jesus loved children so much and told us how much in Matthew 18:1-6, 10
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
2 Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, 3 and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.5 Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. 6 “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 10 “Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven.
The joy of my life has always been to welcome children, from day care to residential care to foster care. I love children and their innocence. I have no tolerance for those that harm children.
When I was barely 21 years old, the Lord blessed me with Zachary. What an adventure the two of us had. We played all day, baked, rode bikes, shopped and traveled. We were two peas in a pod. Yes, JimBob was around but while he was at work and on military exercises, we just played. It was as carefree as life could be. I loved being a stay at home mommy and housewife. I loved having everything cleaned and dinner on the table for when my honey got home after a hard (or not so hard) day. And watching the interaction of Zach and his daddy was more than my heart could stand. They were so silly together, and were the best of friends.
When Zachary was 5 and we struggled with infertility, we began the process of adopting a little girl who was 3 years old. With the blessings of her father, and her mother deceased, we entered into the agreement. Until at the last minute when the judge returned her to her father and he fled the state. We never saw her again.
Within the realms of parenthood, we became pregnant a total of 5 times, loosing 3 of the pregnancies. We had resigned that the Lord had blessed us with Zachary and we were grateful. We also decided to get out of the Air Force and move to be closer to our families. Within 3 months of that decision, I became pregnant again, although cautiously optimistic, I carried the baby to term and the Lord blessed me once more with Brayden. We had two beautiful boys and decided to fix it so that we would not endure the pain of loosing another pregnancy. Brayden was my special blessing, and we had a special bond. Knowing he was the last child I would have, I chose to stay home and keep other children while doing a Christian pre-school program. Brayden was so different from Zach and too much like me. He is a wonderful child that I thank the Lord for him daily.
Throughout our married life we have been presented with opportunities to adopt a daughter, and something always got in the way, and prevented this from happening. This last opportunity has truly challenged me, my heart, my faith, my trust in others because I have totally fallen head over heels in love with this Princess, as have JimBob and Brayden. She is perfect, precious, beautiful, amazing and oh, so smart. The opportunity to adopt her has came and went, and wishing for a truly normal, happy life for her, we have to let her go. This is where my test of faith comes in. Proverbs 16:20
20 He who heeds the word wisely will find good, And whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he.
I have talked to those that I trust and asked for their opinions on this, and accepting that they know more than I know about the situation that brought her into this world, I have trusted in their counsel. Every morning and every night, I pray and I ask God to please take care of my boys and my baby girl, and I have to trust that He will because, HE loves children more than me. He loves them more than I do!
No one will ever know the joy that she brought to my life, the pure innocent blessing that she is to me and my family. For a brief moment, I could picture her in long dog-ears or braids, and overalls, running at the farm or feeding a newborn calf. Swimming in the summers and meeting her older brother. I could imagine what her life would be, in dance class and swimming class, from soccer to cheer leading, for her to be anything she wanted to be, but for a brief time, all I could see was that she was mine, she would belong to our family, she would be our daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, and a niece. I thought about the years ahead in VBS and making lifelong friends at church, the bonds that do not easily break. I still wish for these things for her, but know that I will not be witnessing them but someone else who calls her 'daughter' will be. Her laugh will always ring in my heart and no one will ever fill her space in my heart. That space is hers, and hers alone. And once again, my heart will be walking around outside of my body. It is amazing how much the heart can divide but there still is always enough of it when you need it.
I write this not because I want to be put on a pedestal or for one to pity us. I write this because I want you to know that blessings come every day, in every shape and size. This blessing came in a 12 pound package of pure innocence, beautiful pleasures and diapers out the wazzoo. I have learned a lot through this journey, some good lessons and some tough lessons. I have learned that just because someone wants something really bad, it doesn't mean they will follow through.
Tonight, I am grateful for my family, friends, church family and those that I count on for advice and value their opinions. Thank you to all who have loved this Princess and cherished her. She knows she is loved. I know she is loved and I know you are loved. Thank you!
Jesus loved children so much and told us how much in Matthew 18:1-6, 10
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
2 Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, 3 and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.5 Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. 6 “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 10 “Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven.
The joy of my life has always been to welcome children, from day care to residential care to foster care. I love children and their innocence. I have no tolerance for those that harm children.
When I was barely 21 years old, the Lord blessed me with Zachary. What an adventure the two of us had. We played all day, baked, rode bikes, shopped and traveled. We were two peas in a pod. Yes, JimBob was around but while he was at work and on military exercises, we just played. It was as carefree as life could be. I loved being a stay at home mommy and housewife. I loved having everything cleaned and dinner on the table for when my honey got home after a hard (or not so hard) day. And watching the interaction of Zach and his daddy was more than my heart could stand. They were so silly together, and were the best of friends.
When Zachary was 5 and we struggled with infertility, we began the process of adopting a little girl who was 3 years old. With the blessings of her father, and her mother deceased, we entered into the agreement. Until at the last minute when the judge returned her to her father and he fled the state. We never saw her again.
Within the realms of parenthood, we became pregnant a total of 5 times, loosing 3 of the pregnancies. We had resigned that the Lord had blessed us with Zachary and we were grateful. We also decided to get out of the Air Force and move to be closer to our families. Within 3 months of that decision, I became pregnant again, although cautiously optimistic, I carried the baby to term and the Lord blessed me once more with Brayden. We had two beautiful boys and decided to fix it so that we would not endure the pain of loosing another pregnancy. Brayden was my special blessing, and we had a special bond. Knowing he was the last child I would have, I chose to stay home and keep other children while doing a Christian pre-school program. Brayden was so different from Zach and too much like me. He is a wonderful child that I thank the Lord for him daily.
Throughout our married life we have been presented with opportunities to adopt a daughter, and something always got in the way, and prevented this from happening. This last opportunity has truly challenged me, my heart, my faith, my trust in others because I have totally fallen head over heels in love with this Princess, as have JimBob and Brayden. She is perfect, precious, beautiful, amazing and oh, so smart. The opportunity to adopt her has came and went, and wishing for a truly normal, happy life for her, we have to let her go. This is where my test of faith comes in. Proverbs 16:20
20 He who heeds the word wisely will find good, And whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he.
I have talked to those that I trust and asked for their opinions on this, and accepting that they know more than I know about the situation that brought her into this world, I have trusted in their counsel. Every morning and every night, I pray and I ask God to please take care of my boys and my baby girl, and I have to trust that He will because, HE loves children more than me. He loves them more than I do!
No one will ever know the joy that she brought to my life, the pure innocent blessing that she is to me and my family. For a brief moment, I could picture her in long dog-ears or braids, and overalls, running at the farm or feeding a newborn calf. Swimming in the summers and meeting her older brother. I could imagine what her life would be, in dance class and swimming class, from soccer to cheer leading, for her to be anything she wanted to be, but for a brief time, all I could see was that she was mine, she would belong to our family, she would be our daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, and a niece. I thought about the years ahead in VBS and making lifelong friends at church, the bonds that do not easily break. I still wish for these things for her, but know that I will not be witnessing them but someone else who calls her 'daughter' will be. Her laugh will always ring in my heart and no one will ever fill her space in my heart. That space is hers, and hers alone. And once again, my heart will be walking around outside of my body. It is amazing how much the heart can divide but there still is always enough of it when you need it.
I write this not because I want to be put on a pedestal or for one to pity us. I write this because I want you to know that blessings come every day, in every shape and size. This blessing came in a 12 pound package of pure innocence, beautiful pleasures and diapers out the wazzoo. I have learned a lot through this journey, some good lessons and some tough lessons. I have learned that just because someone wants something really bad, it doesn't mean they will follow through.
Tonight, I am grateful for my family, friends, church family and those that I count on for advice and value their opinions. Thank you to all who have loved this Princess and cherished her. She knows she is loved. I know she is loved and I know you are loved. Thank you!
October falls into place.
I can't believe that it has been since June since I blogged. Guess I have been so busy and blogging was the last thing on my mind.
To begin with, I had ACL replacement and knee scope on July 15th. When I fell May 30th, I totally blew the ACL. I am now the proud owner of a cadaver ACL. I even have registered it in case it is ever recalled, which brings me to another point, what if it is recalled? Do they really think they will get it back from me? Not on your life. Surgery went great, day after really sucked a bitter lemon, but each day got better and better. I have finished rehab and will continue trying to strengthen the knee. Am I glad I did it? Absolutely, but the hardest part was being dependent on others for 2 weeks. My wonderful church family provided meals for the family and my parents were a huge source of support.
Brayden has gone on to the 8th grade and is playing football. He is also taking hip hop dance that he has always loved doing and is enjoying that but it keeps us way busy. He is becoming very responsible with his homework and schoolwork. He is doing well and hope the progress reports show what I hope.
Zach and Jo are doing well in Utah. Zach is going to Las Vegas to be in an ice hockey tournament. He is very excited about that as well as seeing Las Vegas, I am sure.
We have had a precious foster daughter for 4 months. Our plan was to adopt her, but plans changed, in her best interest. She is has stolen my heart and I am squeezing every minute I can until she goes to her forever family.
To begin with, I had ACL replacement and knee scope on July 15th. When I fell May 30th, I totally blew the ACL. I am now the proud owner of a cadaver ACL. I even have registered it in case it is ever recalled, which brings me to another point, what if it is recalled? Do they really think they will get it back from me? Not on your life. Surgery went great, day after really sucked a bitter lemon, but each day got better and better. I have finished rehab and will continue trying to strengthen the knee. Am I glad I did it? Absolutely, but the hardest part was being dependent on others for 2 weeks. My wonderful church family provided meals for the family and my parents were a huge source of support.
Brayden has gone on to the 8th grade and is playing football. He is also taking hip hop dance that he has always loved doing and is enjoying that but it keeps us way busy. He is becoming very responsible with his homework and schoolwork. He is doing well and hope the progress reports show what I hope.
Zach and Jo are doing well in Utah. Zach is going to Las Vegas to be in an ice hockey tournament. He is very excited about that as well as seeing Las Vegas, I am sure.
We have had a precious foster daughter for 4 months. Our plan was to adopt her, but plans changed, in her best interest. She is has stolen my heart and I am squeezing every minute I can until she goes to her forever family.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
And it all began in June...
What all begins in June? Just changes and progress, to hopefully get back on our feet, financially, physically, emotionally, mentally (haha, just thought I would throw that in to see if you were paying attention). June has been good so far, a whole 3 days into it. Brayden has his summer planned out, NETSYS camp, VBS and Utah to see his brother, mentor, best friend, hero and his brand spankin' new sister in law! Today was the last day of school and we celebrated by going to Brayden's favorite place to eat, Yen Jing. Then I came home to a clean kitchen and living room, all courtesy of Brayden. What an awesome kiddo!
Struggle as we might, my fortune cookie read, "You deserve respect and will eventually get it." Not that is a positive twist on my life. working on plans to better our life. I don't want Brayden to look back and say, "what did we do when I was a teenager?" We have always gone on trips and vacations but the last 4 years have been very lacking in that department. I want to see things with Brayden just like we did with Zach when he was younger.
We have been looking at smaller houses (smaller payments too) and it is SO overwhelming, to say the least. But we have had some positive finds lately too!
My physical being is in hopes of a rework. I returned to Weight Watchers Tuesday after being gone from there for 2 1/2 years. I was worried, worried that I worked hard to lose 70 lbs. and might have gained it back. I was no where near the clothes that I wore back then with size tags of 3X and 4X. When I got on the scales, they said I had gained back 10 of the 70 lbs. that I lost. I was very happy. I have tried to keep in the path with my food choices and if I could get more mobile, I could really lose. I had my busted swollen leg and my brace on my leg and I was only recording 10 lbs. That made me happy, and pleased with the results.
After Sunday gracefulness on my part, my knee has hurt like no other pain. I have to bear it, there is no other choice. I am not big on narcotic pain medications, because if I numb the pain, I will risk hurting my knee further. I don't like to be immobilized, I don't like to be dependent on another, and I don't like being embarrassed by all this apparatus that I was given to stabilize my knee until I can see a specialist. Well, tomorrow is the day at 10 AM. I have asked everyone I know to give me their opinion on the surgeon. Probably 99% are good, and the dis-satisfied were personality conflicts. I am looking forward to getting straight forward answers and I hope I get them. I am ready! I am ready to get on with my life! I am ready to be able to move without pain and yes, I am ready to have the surgery if need be. Life is too short to sit in the chair and watch it pass by when I can do something about it!
Work is going to be getting into high overdrive with the summer's activities! Always a busy time! ALWAYS a great time. VBS is proving to be a wonderful week this year! I am excited about VBS! HAHA!
It has been very nice to have my work complimented. I don't expect it and when it comes, it is so very nice. I love to encourage and compliment others and never expect it from others. If I don't expect it, I won't be disappointed. Someone I think highly of has pointed out some things about me that I need to change. And I am making a mental point to work on that, because it makes sense. I could have never imagined that one person could make me think on a different level, about myself and the way 'I have always done or thought." The way it always was/is doesn't mean it is right or that there is not a better way.
I am ready to get this show on the road and get my life back, the active, fun loving life back. I want to be able to run from the water guns and nerf blasters. And chase my husband where ever I want to. I love the line in "Sweet Home Alabama" where he says, "what chu wanna marry me for anyway?" and she says. "so, I can kiss you anytime I want to." I love it. Kissing is the most wonderful thing.
Struggle as we might, my fortune cookie read, "You deserve respect and will eventually get it." Not that is a positive twist on my life. working on plans to better our life. I don't want Brayden to look back and say, "what did we do when I was a teenager?" We have always gone on trips and vacations but the last 4 years have been very lacking in that department. I want to see things with Brayden just like we did with Zach when he was younger.
We have been looking at smaller houses (smaller payments too) and it is SO overwhelming, to say the least. But we have had some positive finds lately too!
My physical being is in hopes of a rework. I returned to Weight Watchers Tuesday after being gone from there for 2 1/2 years. I was worried, worried that I worked hard to lose 70 lbs. and might have gained it back. I was no where near the clothes that I wore back then with size tags of 3X and 4X. When I got on the scales, they said I had gained back 10 of the 70 lbs. that I lost. I was very happy. I have tried to keep in the path with my food choices and if I could get more mobile, I could really lose. I had my busted swollen leg and my brace on my leg and I was only recording 10 lbs. That made me happy, and pleased with the results.
After Sunday gracefulness on my part, my knee has hurt like no other pain. I have to bear it, there is no other choice. I am not big on narcotic pain medications, because if I numb the pain, I will risk hurting my knee further. I don't like to be immobilized, I don't like to be dependent on another, and I don't like being embarrassed by all this apparatus that I was given to stabilize my knee until I can see a specialist. Well, tomorrow is the day at 10 AM. I have asked everyone I know to give me their opinion on the surgeon. Probably 99% are good, and the dis-satisfied were personality conflicts. I am looking forward to getting straight forward answers and I hope I get them. I am ready! I am ready to get on with my life! I am ready to be able to move without pain and yes, I am ready to have the surgery if need be. Life is too short to sit in the chair and watch it pass by when I can do something about it!
Work is going to be getting into high overdrive with the summer's activities! Always a busy time! ALWAYS a great time. VBS is proving to be a wonderful week this year! I am excited about VBS! HAHA!
It has been very nice to have my work complimented. I don't expect it and when it comes, it is so very nice. I love to encourage and compliment others and never expect it from others. If I don't expect it, I won't be disappointed. Someone I think highly of has pointed out some things about me that I need to change. And I am making a mental point to work on that, because it makes sense. I could have never imagined that one person could make me think on a different level, about myself and the way 'I have always done or thought." The way it always was/is doesn't mean it is right or that there is not a better way.
I am ready to get this show on the road and get my life back, the active, fun loving life back. I want to be able to run from the water guns and nerf blasters. And chase my husband where ever I want to. I love the line in "Sweet Home Alabama" where he says, "what chu wanna marry me for anyway?" and she says. "so, I can kiss you anytime I want to." I love it. Kissing is the most wonderful thing.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
My memorial weekend fun....
Yesterday, while my honey and baby went to help a good friend, Gene move into her new apartment, I dove head first in our closet. WOW! Was it ever overwhelming. Why on earth do we all keep STUFF? I have clothes that I have not worn in 4 years. Clothes I NEVER want to wear again. Those are the clothes I wore 4 years ago that were 3X and 4X. So, it is time to get rid of them once and for all and get back to the business of getting more weight off. Going back to where I had the best luck, at Weight Watchers. 70 lbs. gone before getting into my pit of despair but luckily I have not put much of that back on. So closet is done and now on to other things. Although while cleaning out the closet we cam across things, things that were Zach's, baby blankets, pictures, book and clothes, so I got down a large suitcase and started filling in with Zach's stuff. Since Brayden can have 2 checked baggage's, one will be filled with Zach's stuff. His Barney neach towel, his Winnie the Pooh blankie that was stitched and stitched with much love. Blankets and bibs that were cross stitches and hand quilted for him and now he can put them up for when he has children some day.
My little blond hair, freckled face kiddo wanted a shock effect on his hair. He wanted to color it jet black. I agreed that he could do it, I mean it is not like tattoos or piercings. So we agreed it would only be temporary, and wash out in about 10 washings and the color was added. Well, his hair has never had chemicals on it so it was very resistant but it is a nice shade of brown, matches his freckles perfectly!
Sunday is my most favorite day of the week. Worship and fellowship and just love Sundays. Well, this Sunday did not like me back. Not too many days of the week that I don't like but Mondays are sad for me, because I don't see my hubby until the weekends, but I am very grateful that he has a good job and so my selfishness must stay inside and I must deal with it.
I am always the first one up on Sundays and get in the shower, so I did what I do. I am really particular about my oral hygiene but love being completely clean out of the shower, including my teeth. I floss, then rinse with peroxide (to kill all those nasty germs) and then brush, brush, brush. It is usually the last thing I do, and then rinse with the microphone, err, I mean shower head. It is kinda like a water pik and feels so good.Anyways, while going through the rinse cycle, my left foot slipped and trying to catch myself, my right foot went forward and my left leg went back. Now, don't be thinking that I did the splits, because my shower is not long enough because it has 2 built in seats at each end, wall and glass doors on the outside. My left leg bent backwards and my weight came down on that knee, my bad knee, and kind of hurt. Well, I just sat there a few although it was very loud and prayed. I was thankful that I didn't hit my head or go through the glass doors. Now a plan of attack for getting out of this shower. Glass doors just offer no options to maneuver, that is the down side! I don't know how long I sat there with the water running on me but I was trying to figure it out when JB came in. Probably gonna ask if I was going to use ALL the hot water. :o) JB got very upset and wanted to know why I didn't call him. I don't know, it is just my problem for me to figure out myself! Thankfully, his help was greatly appreciated. Now my adrenalin is in high gear and I told JB I was going to go to church, thing was, I couldn't walk. I haven't been able to walk right in many years but the pain was pretty strong.
After much prodding, I gave in thinking I do need to go see what I have done to this knee. Stupid me and I was so embarrassed! What happened? Uh, I was stupid and slipped in the shower, and being 41 years before I ever did that was a great feat! Never used crutches either...HATE them! No fractures, just a really ugly xray of a knee in need of much! The burning is what bothers me. On the top of my left knee cap, it burns. My best friends have become ice pack 1 and ice pack 2. Ice pack 1 ties around my leg and ice pack 2 is one of the old fashioned 'bladder style' pack! I love those kinds.
I went to church this evening, after waking with a vicotin headache. I needed to be at the Lord's house once today. Not a fan of narcotic pain medications, they make me feel like I am crazy! No comments from the peanut gallery either! I really wanted my invisibility cloak, you know, the one like Harry Potter has? Would have been perfect for me! Enjoyed service with the young men leading. They did an outstanding job! Then we went to Wendy's with the group, but I just could not sit that long and asked to come home. I am very sorry guys! I love fellowship with all of them, but the pain was mightier than the conversation tonight! Now to sit, which I don't do very well when there are a million things left to do around here!
One more day of my holiday so I am praying that I wake up feeling wonderful, or at least less pain. Bruises are now popping up and such lovely colors. Have an amazing Memorial Day and thanks to all who defend our country and all who have given their lives for freedom. No greater love than for one to lay down his life for another, just as Christ did for us. I love you Zachary and I am so proud of you!
My little blond hair, freckled face kiddo wanted a shock effect on his hair. He wanted to color it jet black. I agreed that he could do it, I mean it is not like tattoos or piercings. So we agreed it would only be temporary, and wash out in about 10 washings and the color was added. Well, his hair has never had chemicals on it so it was very resistant but it is a nice shade of brown, matches his freckles perfectly!
Sunday is my most favorite day of the week. Worship and fellowship and just love Sundays. Well, this Sunday did not like me back. Not too many days of the week that I don't like but Mondays are sad for me, because I don't see my hubby until the weekends, but I am very grateful that he has a good job and so my selfishness must stay inside and I must deal with it.
I am always the first one up on Sundays and get in the shower, so I did what I do. I am really particular about my oral hygiene but love being completely clean out of the shower, including my teeth. I floss, then rinse with peroxide (to kill all those nasty germs) and then brush, brush, brush. It is usually the last thing I do, and then rinse with the microphone, err, I mean shower head. It is kinda like a water pik and feels so good.Anyways, while going through the rinse cycle, my left foot slipped and trying to catch myself, my right foot went forward and my left leg went back. Now, don't be thinking that I did the splits, because my shower is not long enough because it has 2 built in seats at each end, wall and glass doors on the outside. My left leg bent backwards and my weight came down on that knee, my bad knee, and kind of hurt. Well, I just sat there a few although it was very loud and prayed. I was thankful that I didn't hit my head or go through the glass doors. Now a plan of attack for getting out of this shower. Glass doors just offer no options to maneuver, that is the down side! I don't know how long I sat there with the water running on me but I was trying to figure it out when JB came in. Probably gonna ask if I was going to use ALL the hot water. :o) JB got very upset and wanted to know why I didn't call him. I don't know, it is just my problem for me to figure out myself! Thankfully, his help was greatly appreciated. Now my adrenalin is in high gear and I told JB I was going to go to church, thing was, I couldn't walk. I haven't been able to walk right in many years but the pain was pretty strong.
After much prodding, I gave in thinking I do need to go see what I have done to this knee. Stupid me and I was so embarrassed! What happened? Uh, I was stupid and slipped in the shower, and being 41 years before I ever did that was a great feat! Never used crutches either...HATE them! No fractures, just a really ugly xray of a knee in need of much! The burning is what bothers me. On the top of my left knee cap, it burns. My best friends have become ice pack 1 and ice pack 2. Ice pack 1 ties around my leg and ice pack 2 is one of the old fashioned 'bladder style' pack! I love those kinds.
I went to church this evening, after waking with a vicotin headache. I needed to be at the Lord's house once today. Not a fan of narcotic pain medications, they make me feel like I am crazy! No comments from the peanut gallery either! I really wanted my invisibility cloak, you know, the one like Harry Potter has? Would have been perfect for me! Enjoyed service with the young men leading. They did an outstanding job! Then we went to Wendy's with the group, but I just could not sit that long and asked to come home. I am very sorry guys! I love fellowship with all of them, but the pain was mightier than the conversation tonight! Now to sit, which I don't do very well when there are a million things left to do around here!
One more day of my holiday so I am praying that I wake up feeling wonderful, or at least less pain. Bruises are now popping up and such lovely colors. Have an amazing Memorial Day and thanks to all who defend our country and all who have given their lives for freedom. No greater love than for one to lay down his life for another, just as Christ did for us. I love you Zachary and I am so proud of you!
Friday, May 28, 2010
And now I must finish my thoughts...
Well, I must say that I am surprised Joanna was reading my blog. HA! Anyways, Zach and Joanna, I love and miss ya'll very much! Joanna, do you have a blog, because if you do, I should keep up with it because my son tells me nothing that is going on. I am lost and in the deep blue sea!
We had a family night which have been few and far between. Brayden chose everything and he wanted to eat at Luigi's and go see "Letters to Juliet". Dinner was wonderful and the company was even more wonderful. Me and my two guys, since the 3rd had to run off and get married! The movie was really good. I am so out of the movie loop that I have no clue what is showing. This movie was a good, clean movie. Tomorrow will prove to be a busy and hopefully productive day. JB and Brayden are helping a friend move into her new apartment and I will tackle our closet. I think the guys have the safest job tomorrow. Our closet and Brayden's room are on the menu for tomorrow.
We went over Brayden's summer schedule with him. The good, the bad and the ugly! I am so glad that his summer plans are intact. Brayden started out this school year and did not start out on the right foot. His grades were very lacking. He had a failing grade every six weeks. Enough was finally enough, because I know what he is capable of. I was busy working out things in my head and I felt very neglectful of him. I had to make a statement to get my point across. I suggested that he discuss all his grades with Zach. He doesn't ever want to tell his brother that his grades are low because he knows what Zach expects of him. I also spoke to a good friend, Randy, and asked him to talk to him. Well, he did. He told him that he thought it was a wonderful idea for him to be failing school and he was so excited that someone he knew would be living on the street and in a cardboard box because so many people need to hear the word of God out there and since Brayden would be living on the street he could preach to them.Now, if you ask Randy, he will say that is what turned Brayden around, and I might give him a little credit...NOT!
Each 6 weeks, I would ground Brayden from something, just one something. Well, I had enough and grounded Brayden from life. He could eat, breathe, shower and do school work. No cell phone, no TV, noWii , no computer, no overnights with friends and no friends over. No fun! Mean 'ole mom was trying to make a statement.
This 'punishment' turned into a blessing. Brayden didn't die without his cell phone, and came less dependent on it and texting. But we got closer as a family. Instead of everyone being at the computers or in front of the TV we talked and laughed and wrestled. We played games and did things outside and played with the dogs and just spent time without the technology of the world that plagues our existence.
I pride myself on knowing my children. I had children to BE with my children. Not to send them here and there and have a nanny and take all my vacations separate from them, but to spend the next 18 + years WITH them. I have had people tell me to take some vacations without my kids. But why? I love being with them and I love watching their reaction to new things. Seeing their faces and watching them become enlightened with things is what makes me happy. I get joy from watching my children experience new things. I have a friend who says, "we are lucky because my children have always spent time with both of our parents". They have always gotten them for the weekends and taken them on vacations. Well, I would never deny my parents the pleasure of spending time with my boys. They are amazing and they are what they are because of their grandparents. Grandparents are so important in a child's life and there is so much love between the boys and the grandparents. I am very proud of my boys and I will share them with the people that love them most. They are very blessed to have the relationships with each other.
But through all of this, Brayden has pulled his grades UP. 90% of his grades are now high A's and he has figured out that he is capable of this. He is found a new confidence in himself. He wants to be able to tell his brother that he has A's. This brings me to another subject. Brotherly love. I have been amazed at the love between my two boys. I don't know if it is because they are 7 years apart and didn't fight like close age siblings. Zachary wanted a sibling for so long and when we were finally blessed with Brayden, we knew it would just be the two boys. We were so happy that Brayden was healthy and full term and finalized our family. Zachary adored Brayden and was always so sweet to him. Brayden in turn adored Zach. Since Zach has joined the Air Force, Brayden is such a joy and such wonderful company. We act so retarded sometimes and we just love to laugh. What is life about if you aren't laughing? Two wonderful boys, two kind hearted boys, two boys that love the Lord. What more could a mother ask for? For these children I prayed, and continue to pray and thank the Lord for such a wonderful blessing. Thank you Lord.
We had a family night which have been few and far between. Brayden chose everything and he wanted to eat at Luigi's and go see "Letters to Juliet". Dinner was wonderful and the company was even more wonderful. Me and my two guys, since the 3rd had to run off and get married! The movie was really good. I am so out of the movie loop that I have no clue what is showing. This movie was a good, clean movie. Tomorrow will prove to be a busy and hopefully productive day. JB and Brayden are helping a friend move into her new apartment and I will tackle our closet. I think the guys have the safest job tomorrow. Our closet and Brayden's room are on the menu for tomorrow.
We went over Brayden's summer schedule with him. The good, the bad and the ugly! I am so glad that his summer plans are intact. Brayden started out this school year and did not start out on the right foot. His grades were very lacking. He had a failing grade every six weeks. Enough was finally enough, because I know what he is capable of. I was busy working out things in my head and I felt very neglectful of him. I had to make a statement to get my point across. I suggested that he discuss all his grades with Zach. He doesn't ever want to tell his brother that his grades are low because he knows what Zach expects of him. I also spoke to a good friend, Randy, and asked him to talk to him. Well, he did. He told him that he thought it was a wonderful idea for him to be failing school and he was so excited that someone he knew would be living on the street and in a cardboard box because so many people need to hear the word of God out there and since Brayden would be living on the street he could preach to them.Now, if you ask Randy, he will say that is what turned Brayden around, and I might give him a little credit...NOT!
Each 6 weeks, I would ground Brayden from something, just one something. Well, I had enough and grounded Brayden from life. He could eat, breathe, shower and do school work. No cell phone, no TV, no
This 'punishment' turned into a blessing. Brayden didn't die without his cell phone, and came less dependent on it and texting. But we got closer as a family. Instead of everyone being at the computers or in front of the TV we talked and laughed and wrestled. We played games and did things outside and played with the dogs and just spent time without the technology of the world that plagues our existence.
I pride myself on knowing my children. I had children to BE with my children. Not to send them here and there and have a nanny and take all my vacations separate from them, but to spend the next 18 + years WITH them. I have had people tell me to take some vacations without my kids. But why? I love being with them and I love watching their reaction to new things. Seeing their faces and watching them become enlightened with things is what makes me happy. I get joy from watching my children experience new things. I have a friend who says, "we are lucky because my children have always spent time with both of our parents". They have always gotten them for the weekends and taken them on vacations. Well, I would never deny my parents the pleasure of spending time with my boys. They are amazing and they are what they are because of their grandparents. Grandparents are so important in a child's life and there is so much love between the boys and the grandparents. I am very proud of my boys and I will share them with the people that love them most. They are very blessed to have the relationships with each other.
But through all of this, Brayden has pulled his grades UP. 90% of his grades are now high A's and he has figured out that he is capable of this. He is found a new confidence in himself. He wants to be able to tell his brother that he has A's. This brings me to another subject. Brotherly love. I have been amazed at the love between my two boys. I don't know if it is because they are 7 years apart and didn't fight like close age siblings. Zachary wanted a sibling for so long and when we were finally blessed with Brayden, we knew it would just be the two boys. We were so happy that Brayden was healthy and full term and finalized our family. Zachary adored Brayden and was always so sweet to him. Brayden in turn adored Zach. Since Zach has joined the Air Force, Brayden is such a joy and such wonderful company. We act so retarded sometimes and we just love to laugh. What is life about if you aren't laughing? Two wonderful boys, two kind hearted boys, two boys that love the Lord. What more could a mother ask for? For these children I prayed, and continue to pray and thank the Lord for such a wonderful blessing. Thank you Lord.
Everything happens for a reason...I guess!
I have heard it said to "not look a gift horse in the mouth". Now, it makes no sense to me because I have never gotten a gift from a horse or seen a 'gift horse'. But I know that it means, don't question a gift, and if something good happens, don't question it.
Something really good happened and makes me glad I chose Phoenix Charter School for my son. I cannot go into details but lets just say that the principal really made Brayden's summer. Brayden has a learning disability in reading but we have taught him that that is no excuse, he must work harder. A disability doesn't mean he can't do something, it just means he will have to fight harder, work longer and take more time to think through what he wants to accomplish. You are only unable to do what you believe you cannot do! Now with that said, Brayden is in full swing for his summer activities. He is going to NETSYS with his youth group and will see all his camp friends every Monday night for the rest of the summer. Then he is working the VBS program this year. Last year he was part of the VBS and this year he will help. And then he is going to Utah to spend 2 whole weeks with his brother and sister-in-law! He is so excited about that and has been counting the days since HE purchased his round trip ticket. I am so excited (a bit jealous!) but Brayden has never flown on an airplane so this will truly be an adventure for him.
My blessings are so numerous and I feel so undeserving of them. I cannot remember when I was happier. Even though there are struggles that come up, we are happy. We both really like our jobs and our co-workers. We are working hard to re-build our finances and to re-structure our lives. Life is good. Life will be better. Our church family is so incredible and our family is so amazing. Everything in it's place.
Something really good happened and makes me glad I chose Phoenix Charter School for my son. I cannot go into details but lets just say that the principal really made Brayden's summer. Brayden has a learning disability in reading but we have taught him that that is no excuse, he must work harder. A disability doesn't mean he can't do something, it just means he will have to fight harder, work longer and take more time to think through what he wants to accomplish. You are only unable to do what you believe you cannot do! Now with that said, Brayden is in full swing for his summer activities. He is going to NETSYS with his youth group and will see all his camp friends every Monday night for the rest of the summer. Then he is working the VBS program this year. Last year he was part of the VBS and this year he will help. And then he is going to Utah to spend 2 whole weeks with his brother and sister-in-law! He is so excited about that and has been counting the days since HE purchased his round trip ticket. I am so excited (a bit jealous!) but Brayden has never flown on an airplane so this will truly be an adventure for him.
My blessings are so numerous and I feel so undeserving of them. I cannot remember when I was happier. Even though there are struggles that come up, we are happy. We both really like our jobs and our co-workers. We are working hard to re-build our finances and to re-structure our lives. Life is good. Life will be better. Our church family is so incredible and our family is so amazing. Everything in it's place.
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